I'm struggling with it too Cat. My dad causes me so much emotional pain. I have been in the habit of only seeing him twice a year and only with others around. I also make sure to protect my children from his comments. Now my family situation has changed (all extended family has moved out of his area) and I could not ever have to see him again. I don't know if I want to be the one to completely break off the relationship or not. I also don't want to have to visit with him solo. Too much history. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Jillann

Cat please don't feel skittish with your posts. They are fine.

I have never had an opportunity to get too far with those who have harmed me. My parents are both deceased, my horrible old boss is now retired (and left me unprotected and in a worse position at work) and oldT has banned me and I am dead to him. So all my work and/or processing is done only on my part and there is no way to work through anything with others.

TN

Jill: I admire what you are able to do with boundaries with your dad. I'm very far from my fam. Has your T given you any suggestions? I saw my family last year for hours but want to stay a week. T says I wasn't strong enough last year (so I needed those boundaries), but I may be now. I took that in as.... I'm not good enough? I genuinely want a relationship, but I'm confused about if it is actually safe. I took in her words as it was/is my disfunction that separated us. My fault from birth, as part of me thinks. I want to know what is 'right' but there is no 'right' thing to do.

TN: I've always been a skittish creature, but thank you! Ugh, when I read your boss retired I was about to say I'm so glad but oh dear... I'm sorry it is worse. Sigh I'm sorry you can't work with those things with others. I know the things I work through "with" my parents are only me relating to them - nothing involving them or how they feel or what they think that sort of stuff will never be part of it. It's hard to figure out even friendships right now

So many of my friends don't "like" my parents. My Ts have thought they weren't the greatest for me in the past. I feel like I'm realizing now, it's been all me. The problem isn't them... it's my perception of them, or of my history, or my PTSD focusing on stuff.

T said I will 'let go'... that I will let go of whatever and move on. It felt like the truth and... painfully... it also felt like she was agreeing with me (finally) that the things I need to get through matter but they don't REALLY matter it's just stuff I'm holding on to. I guess it is... but I don't know.