Hi GG,

It's nice to hear you've found some techniques that have helped you put some distance between yourself and your strong emotional responses. Thanks for sharing them. It is so nice when we can laugh at ourselves.

Jillann

Yes there is something to be said about visualizing yourself having a 5 year old temper tantrum that puts it in perspective and helped me to see the over exaggeration of my emotional responses. I feel very encouraged by the use of this technique. I know humor won't apply in every situation but this was laughable.

((((GG)))))

So great to read your experience. I might try that one!

I can't believe how excited I am about this! It is like I have made a new discovery. It was really an awesome experience. I am still trying to process the experience itself. For me it was kind of like just being outside myself as an observer. It was cool.

Thanks GG for sharing! I'm totally trying that one! I'm on day one of T's vacation and I can feel a tantrum coming on quickly.

So happy for you that you were able to distance yourself from the fear and anxiety. That's great!

I think that's great, GG! When I freaked out emotionally with my T, I also inquired online and found a name for it: an emotional memory, flashback, was triggered. PTSD stuff. I realized that things are a little better for me now and that I have more control and more support. I realized that the intensity of my reaction wasn't equal to what really happened with my T, but more in line with past stuff that I have grown a bit from. Hope that makes sense. It was a big realization for me too! Work isn't yet done though because I have more things that get triggered and need ironing out. Onward march!

What I find more difficult though, is coping with disproportionate terror from inner little parts. Things that trigger such fear are difficult to cope with and impossible to laugh at. I do self-talk, try to self-soothe, but it's so much a total body experience as well as an emotion.

Any ideas?

Mad-Hatter,

Your pic was one of the ones I actually printed out and made a call out that says, "NO Mommy don't leave me again. I hate your vacations." To which I visualized myself kicking and screaming on the floor and holding onto her leg like I used to when my mom would drop me off at nursery school.

Sapphire-blue. For me in this instance humor worked but maybe visualizing your inner childs emotions and behaviors that proceed those thoughts and emotions and talking soothingly outloud like you would a child. I think alot of us and therapists included forget we have an inner child that we need to contend with. Or viewing images online of children with different facial expressions by googling "child anger", "child fear". Not sure. I kind of tweaked what T2 said to fit my experience. It really really has helped though. The point of the exercise is to "view your emotions" from the outside like a movie.... It stops you from becoming fully engaged in them, like one does when watching a movie. A movie you can walk away from at any time.

GG,
David Wallin in his book Attachment in Psychotherapy talks about this as "psychic space." The ability to put enough room between you and your emotions that you can recognize them as data rather than absolute reality.

My T often described it to me in a way I find really helpful, which is that there is a consistent "I" which experiences a lot of different emotions flowing through me. Any one emotion will only be here for a time, so when it is difficult to feel one I can at least hang onto the knowledge that it WILL pass. I think the movie analogy is a great tool, of which you have made very effective use.

AG

Attachment Girl,

I am so excited to share this with T1 when she gets back. This is like HUGE for me. Every single time she has gone on vacation, I have literally flipped out. I was overriden by fear of not being able to survive emotionally while she was gone. Her departure would bring up all those horrible feelings of abandonment, helplessness, anger, sadness and longing. It was like I would just consumed by my emotions and flashbacks while she was gone and I would just shut myself off from the world. I would just like literally mope around and lay in bed in such a horrible horrible emotional place filled only with pain. The last time she went she only told me one day ahead of time that she was going to be gone for two weeks. That totally freaked out my inner child and ticked up the "adult client" in me because I think I should have been notified ahead of time to make back up arrangements for myself in terms of therapy because I clearly cannot be with out therapy once a week. I totally went over the edge.

I really think what helped me this time, was preparing for the fact that there will be another time. If I am with T, she will take vacations. I have to deal with that. (adult me thoughts). When she came back from last vacation that sent me over the edge, I just told her point blank that as a client I needed at least two sessions notice about her vacations so that we could process my feelings before she goes instead of leaving me holding the bag the entire time she is gone. She agreed to that. So between knowing that she was going to be away and anticipating what my usual response is I was better able to intercept experiencing my "usual response." I am not sure how the movie projector coping skill would work in the midst of a crisis or if I would be able to do it with intense emotion going on, but it did help me feel incredible distance from my emotions. I am so excited about this. I feel like a little kid. I was babbling on about it to hubby today in the car and he just laughed at me, not in a discounting way, but I know he can't really appreciate what a huge monumental thing this is to me, but people here can. That makes me happy.

Yes, Ghost-girl, we can't feel your exact feelings, but can relate and be supported by reading what happens to people like us who have deep Transference problems. Frankly, there is just no one in my community I would share a word with like we do here.