I used it recently - but more of a check in with my T to keep the connection up while I was overseas. After that experience I wouldn't want to have to rely on it, it came a poor second to face to face - but if it was the only contact you had - then you would have no choice.

We video skyped twice - first time the connection was ok, the 2nd time it was terrible. We spent the time saying "what did you say?". We ended up turning the video off and just had voice - but even that was not great and I still missed half of what she said. It was frustrating.

But, it was better than nothing.

We never used it for actual therapy - just really for checking in and keeping the contact up.

SD

(((Eliana)))

I don't think you sound at all silly! It would be very difficult for me to consider moving away from my T (indeed I think I would avoid it if possible) and if I was faced with a situation like you are describing, I'm sure I'd be racking my brains with the same kinds of considerations you are mulling over.

Personally, I hate skype. I haven't ever used it for therapy but I've tried it a few times with relatives that live overseas. It's just to weird to be looking at someone's face real time while talking to them but to be unable to make eye contact. It's like you have to look in the camera to "look" at them, but to see them you have to look at the screen. Does that make sense? To me it felt very jarring, but I guess not everyone feels that way. Or some people just get used to it and it no longer bothers them.

There were several weeks early in my last pregnancy when I couldn't make it to therapy because of sickness-- the nausea was so bad. T offered skype sessions but I told her I didn't like the idea. I just said that I looked like a mess (which was also true, lol) but the truth is I wouldn't have wanted to skype with her in any case.

However, we did have some phone sessions and those went surprisingly well. Not as good as in person therapy, but a lot better than nothing, imo. I think if I absolutely had to move that's what I would want to do. . . have phone sessions with T as a transitional thing at least. It might be better to find an in person T eventually, but I think changing therapists when there is a secure attachment and a productive therapeutic alliance going on is (ideally) something to be eased into slowly.

Eliana, i don't think you're silly for considering holding out for a job closer to where you currently are. not one bit. i've never used skype, so i can't say anyhing about it. but i don't think you're silly. i think you know yourself. stick with your gut, i say. good luck.

Sorry to take so long to get back to you! Thank you for everyone's replies (((BG))) (((SD))) (((HIC))) (((CD))), I've been rereading them all week and thinking about what's the best option to me and I can finally reply something.

Seems like relocating will be the option to go, just had very good feedback and it's likely that I'll get this new job.

I'm gonna have T next week after 4 weeks without it (T was on holidays) and I was supposed to give him a call meanwhile if I had any news and I guess this qualifies. But thinking about calling T and telling him I'll probably accept this placement and leave him is making my anxiety go up the wall. I do wanna call him so badly (God I miss him!) even if it's just to know that he's there, but at the same time im so scared that he'll make me change my mind about this job. Being on the verge of unemployment puts a lot of pressure on me, and my T knows that I have a tendency to rush into things because I'm scared, but I *think* this job would be a great opportunity for me. Honestly, the only problem is that it's so damn far away from T.

So I'm a pile of stress and fear right now. I'm also scared that he'll be okay with me leaving, making me feel that I didn't matter at all, or that he'll feel relief about me going far away.

I'm also a bit angry at him because by now he probably guessed that I'm not gonna call until our session next week, so maybe he should have called me instead. Isn't he worried about me? Doesn't he care?

Eugh.

The idea of leaving him is so scary. Which is stupid, because I'm the one leaving, not him. But part of me fears that he'll make it about him, that he'll reject me once he finds out I'm leaving, you know what I mean?

*sigh* why is all this T stuff so complicated?

Sorry for the confusing post!

I guess that thinking about whether I can visit him monthly instead, or try phone sessions is pointless considering I don't know his take on that.

He'll probably say yes. I think he would anyway... It's just been so long since I've talked to him that he's getting blurry in my mind and I'm not sure about anything anymore. Maybe he won't care. I wish I didn't care.

My mind keeps changing between a freak out and a calm detachment.

I wish my mind would make up its mind

Hi, Eliana.

You definitely have a lot going on. My thoughts are with you.

I thought I'd just chime in here with a positive perspective about Skype. It's all I use with my T. I travel for work, and the added advantage is that we can maintain our work even then.

I fully recognize that it's not for everyone, but for some, it can work well. If it's an option, it might be worth trying it out.

xoxo, thank you for your reply and normalizing my feelings! I haven't talked to my T about this subject yet, he did call me to check on me but I just said I was fine and we'll talk next week on our scheduled session. I really can't wait to see him.

Also next week I'll find out whether I'll keep this job or not (haven't had a definitive reply yet) so it's all happening at once.

I loved your post! Knowing that it's okay to need my T this badly and that driving so many hours to see him is not that crazy makes me feel better and I think I will go for that option. If I do get this job my schedule will be quite flexible so I'd manage to see my T a couple of times a month. I just hope he is okay with that, I hope he doesn't call me crazy for wanting to do that.

I think I will look for a support T though, in between sessions, someone who I can work with regarding more practical matters, nothing about transference, family and stuff like that. My T will always be my first and more important T, and the only one I wanna be attached to... Funny how my loyalty towards T kicked in Do you think that's the reason why you haven't tried to find a T near you? But I was really happy to know that you have a great T who is okay keeping it flexible for you! And yes I could always use those visits to see friends that I'm leaving here. You're also right about this move not being permanent, mostly it's a job that will give me loads of experience, and it's quite possible that I will be able to find a better job nearer my T in half a year.

Feeling much more positive about it!

Outsider, thank you for your reply and your support. Did you see your T face to face before using skype? Did you find the first session weird? I think I'm also a bit worried that bad connections will make me feel "distant" or "disconnected" from T. Please let me know your thoughts! *hug*

It may seem weird, but I have only used skype for this particular T. And I was dubious (for SO many reasons!). The first session was no more strange than a first session with any T.

We have only had a couple of sessions with a bad connection (literally two sessions out of scores), and I did find that those were tough. At one point, we just canned skype and went to the phone, but that has happened just once.

I would imagine that since you already have the emotional connection with your T, it may seem a little odd at first but you'll quickly see that the emotional connection is still there. Sometimes I'm surprised by how quickly my T will pick up on a shift I make, especially when I don't want him to!

Since I've only known this T through skype, I can't speak the issue of touch--it's obviously a non-issue with skype (thankfully, imho). If that's an important part of your T now, that'll be an element that has to be talked about with your T. But if I'm reading correctly, you may still have the opportunity to visit in person and this could be a short-term solution anyway. If so, I again advocate for testing it out so that you can keep that connection, as it sounds like a good one!