Da Rock....hello.

I had a lot of anger when I started therapy. I still deal with anger off and on as memories surface, but I spent lots of time streaming tears off my cheeks in therapy when I started, saying, "I've just been so angry." I talked and cried and ranted about many many things I was angry about, or people I was angry at, for 16 months, in therapy. Saying it aloud, in a safe environment, seems to have taken out the "force" of the anger. I'm not sure how else to say it. I know if I think about the things I was so angry about a year ago, I still am angry, but don't *feel* it as much. Does that make sense?

What does your T say; have you asked this question to your T?

I have yet to ask the T. I will certainly ask tomorrow.
i put a lot of work into therapy. so far, im not so sure its worth it.

do you think its worth it? i sort of feel like i have no other choice. but it certainly doesnt feel like its changing me in any kind of profound way.

Hello again Da Rock!

Ohhh I relate very much to feeling angry and not knowing what to do with it or how to 'get rid' of it and fearing that I'll be stuck feeling this way forever.

I suspect that dealing with repressed anger - or rather anger that originates elsewhere but is directed at the 'wrong' objects - isn't just a matter of understanding who you are 'really' angry at. I get really pissed off with Ts who try that line on me and ask me stupid questions like 'who or what am I 'really' angry at' when it's pretty obvious that in THAT particular moment I'm angry at the very thing I'm saying I'm angry about.

So as in your case, I hold a lot of generalized anger towards numerous people and things that though intellectually I know is probably misdirected, that's all that's accessible in any given moment, and it's REAL. It's not like I'm sitting here getting angry at this person or that person or social issues or the bloody noisy aircraft flying overhead that intrude into my quiet space and KNOW in that moment that actually I'm not really angry at these things I'm 'really' angry at my mother or father or stepmother etc etc. I'm actually angry at those specific things.

What I'm finding now with my new T, (and have always sought from all my previous therapists and not received), is having my anger accepted as perfectly legitimate valid and ok. Just as it is, right in this moment. The more my T is accepting my 'irrational and unreasonable' anger at him, the more I'm starting to feel what's lying underneath it. And that's pain. So I don't think it's as simple an equation as saying, misdirected anger now must mean equivalent depth and strength of anger at people in the past and 'all' you have to do is direct that anger against the 'correct' objects. I'm finding the set up goes more like, genuine anger now, accepted and given the opporunity for safe expression, leads to a recognition of pain which stems from the past, which leads to being able to get in touch with the whole range of authentic feelings which belong to the past (only one of which is or might be anger.)

I do think it can make a difference knowing what the source of the anger is, but it has to be understood viscerally, intuitively, emotionally - just 'knowing' it intellectually doesn't change anything.

I'm sorry you're feeling stuck and hopeless. I've read your other thread about feeling stuck in therapy and I have to wonder whether maybe your T isn't comfortable with working directly with anger?

In any event, I hope you do talk about this with your T and get to feel like there is hope in continuing to work through anger issues, whether with your current T or maybe even a new T.

LL

well, first off, what you said is immensely helpful.
secondly, my T always tells me to be geniuine with him and he often encourages me to express my anger towards him and he also often tells me that i have left previous therapies because i was afraid the therapist was unable to handle my anger.
so my sense, right now, is that my current T can and wants to hear about my anger and im the one who is afraid to let it out on him.
today was thinking about killing him with a machine gun. i mean this dude has done nothing to me that warrants those thoughts and im not a violent person. but im going to tell him these thoughts and see what happens. he knows i am not violent so i dont think he will get too freaked out.
also, from the start of therapy the T said to me that he knows a time will come in my therapy w. him that i will feel like he is letting me down, become enraged and wantt o leave and he said precisely this is when i need to talk about whats going on. and he also said once i say everything i have to say about how angry i am, im cured. hahaha.

lamp. you are very helpful. thanks for taknig the time to respond and red waht i wrote.

hows is your therapy going?

best.

Lol DaRock it’s me again. I seem to be trailing around on your two threads at the moment.

Hey your T sounds pretty clued up about anger and that’s heartening to hear. I like that he anticipates that you will feel like he is letting you down and that you’ll get enraged and want to quit – and has been clear in telling you that that’s when you need to hang in there and keep talking it all out. I hope he also means that you don’t just ‘talk’ it but can express some of those feelings too.

In my experience of Ts I’ve found very few who are either willing, and even less who are able, to accept non defensively a client’s anger directed specifically at them. And that includes psychoanalytic therapists, surprisingly enough. So it’s good that your T is actually encouraging you to show your anger at him. He sounds well worth sticking with.

What you were saying in your earlier post about current anger being misdirected and that it’s all tied up with your past is what I think your T is getting at here – I suppose that’s the transference, where he’s talking about you feeling that he’s let you down maybe recreates familiar past patterns? And having a real live object to throw those feelings at (and having those feelings accepted!) I reckon makes all the difference in resolving those old patterns needs betrayals rejections etc.

As for me, I’m sliding into another phase of feeling angry at my T, I seem to do this rather regularly, like every couple of sessions or so . But I have hope that with this T I won’t be forced to stuff or control my anger as I’ve had to with previous Ts, so generally things are quite positive (though it all FEELS crap.)

I hope for both you and me that our Ts get it right this time!

LL

I caught myself looking for a "like" button for this whole thread.

I`ve also had a lot of repressed anger and my T has openly encouraged me to show this side of me to her which I`ve found it hard to do but I now find I`m able to talk more about the people who I`ve been angry with and through my transference with my T I`ve been able to link my anger to being deeply hurt by people who I trusted and my anger comes out as tears. Now that I`m beginning to understand this I`m able to see my tears as a sign of letting go of repressed anger and hurt and as a sign that I`m beginning to start to heal as well . My T says that I`ve stored up a life time of hurt and that I am still grieving over the times when I had been rejected or felt abandoned or deeply hurt and when the grief has gone I will start to recover and start to move on . I never thought of my self as an angry person but with my T and being in a completely safe and totally accepting and caring environment I`ve been surprised how much pain I`ve been but equally how much more at peace I am now I`ve let a lot of my anger out . It has taken me two years to get to this point and I have questioned is therapy going to help and is it worth it and I can honestly say for me it has been . My therapy finishes in March and I`ve been lucky to have had a T who accepts every part I have shown to her . If you have got a good T I think it is worth while sticking around because every time I wanted to run from her I was able to tell her and this enabled me to link it to my past and this is enabling me to not let my past have any power over me anymore .

there is for me unfortunately because two years give or take a month or so is the time allocated to patients receiving pschotherapy on our NHS system . My T is quite confident that I will be able to cope without her . For me the thought of being on my own again scares me to death so my T and I are working on my grief of losing her so that I can hopefully be sort of prepared for life out of therapy . I can`t imagine not being with my T but I sort of feel lucky to have met such a gentle kind and caring person and that thought gives me some comfort when I`m feeling so much pain and yes I think I will know what to do because I`ve been able to make such a deep connection with her .

v.