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repressed memories of sexual abuse/assault

deeplyrooteddeeplyrootedMember
I attended a support group for survivors of sexual assault recently. During the first session I felt sudden electrical impulses flashing accross the top of my head and my eyes began to dart quickly back and forth. All this lasted just a few seconds but it caught my attention and I immediately wondered if it is related to dissociation. I do not recall the topic of discussion at that moment or what I was thinking or feeling. This has happened to me in the past but the best I can remember they occured with the feelings of fear. I have no (current) awareness of altars and have not been diagnosed with DID. I do not have memories of childhood or of sexual trauma but do have absolute proof that I am was a young victim of it. In addition to verbal, emotional abuse and neglect. I have asked my new T to help me learn how to recognize the triggers associated with these episodes as well as the different feelings, impulse reactions and body memories but I struggle to know what exactly to look for. I seem to experience the more intense emotions as separate unto themselves and wonder if these are dissociated parts holding different traumatic events. Does anyone have experience with these kinds of body or emotional memories?

deeplyrooted
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J jillMember
quote:
Originally posted by jill:
This is scary, massive hugs to you. I don't have the exact same reaction, but I will 'get lost' in shaking my head side to side like I am saying 'no' with my head in a rocking movement with my body and kind of whistle (like someone trying to learn how to whistle, more through my teeth than lips)...the rythumic rocking just seems to be such an infantile reaction it makes me really wonder what it is due to, and think possible hypnosis could be my only access. Have you thought of hypnosis to access this?? Big big hugs as I know the not knowing is so hard...the fear of the unknown and repressed.
starfishstarfishMember
deeplyrooted
I do exactly that, my T and my husband both say that my eyes dart from side to side as I dissociate. I do not have DID but do dissociate big time. It can be scary when it first happens as it is out of your control. Just know that it will pass, sit tight and try to ground yourself as best you can.

Sometimes I know the triggers, sometimes I don't. It's hard (((deeplyrooted)))

starfish
J jillMember
deeplyrooted, one thing T3 told me on my first visit for when this 'disassociating' begins is to touch the thumb, index and middle finger together on each hand (separately) and let your brain relax and try to get grounded. i think i saw this in that mindfulness book, too.

another thing she said was to pay attention to the here and now...count how many pieces of furniture are in the room, or how many legs of furniture are in the room. (i didn't like this tactic as my mind feels too cluttered at that time...flooded...to add one more thing to it) so i prefer the first suggestion and have used it alot and i do think it COULD eventually help ground me. i haven't quite 'run away mentally' as far....i hope it helps you, TOO!
mayomayoMember
Interesting topic- My T is always telling me to pay attention to my body- but hard for me to do.
Yes, yes I do (or used to) get the crawling scalp pins and needles in session (have to rub my head when that happens) and the vague body emotional stuff- strong. This has increased lately- it is extreme embarrassment (so extreme I can't talk and can not stay there)mixed with sexual stuff. Something my T says- triggers this, but I don't know what he says. I know it is about love, and my crossed wires(as he put it), and I know it is not about my T. I have no memories connected with this though- frustrating.

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