Im new to this and have recently had an episode that I would like to talk about.

I read some where that sometimes a hallucinogenic can sometimes trigger a repressed memory. The first time I had this really sickening feeling was at a rave on several ecstasy pills. I've done e before and alway had awesome experience but this night I had this awful feeling that something had happened to me, that people were not telling me what had happened, I know its a bad trippy experience and later I knocked it up to a bad trip. A couple weeks ago I was on this cold medicine Mucenex and didnt know but appartly it cause some hallugentics. It wasnt really like shrooms or e it was more subtle and that dark feeling came back to me, that something happened to me and that I couldnt remember at the entire I was just battling in my head trying to figure things out. And I got stuck on the memory of this gy that lived with us when I was 4/5. I dont have any specific memory of anything wrong or tramatic but the next morning i finally told my dad that I think kevin did something to me if there was something they were telling me and then this huge uplifting emotion and finally I just cried nonstop for like an hour hitting myself telling my dad i was sorry and that I didnt it was wrong and I had never cried so much ever and never felt such emotion and aa weight off my shoulders.

I have had really bad anxiety all my life, sex scares me a little, I am gay, dont like to be touched, have went through bulimia, anorexia, cutting myself, a really bad drinking which I am still batteleing (3 months sober) and all of it has been dirupting my life with law school. Im 28.

I guess my really question is can you have the emotions of a repressed memory surface without the actual memory? Does anyone know anything or been through something similar. I have never felt so alive and ok with myself than i have from after this release of emotion and I want to know whats going on with me.