I was in a very teenager-y place with T for several weeks early on and now I'm hopelessly attached, so I don't think it necessarily means you're stuck. It's possible that she's just not someone you will connect with, but it's also possible you just need to give the relationship some time. The best way I can think to feel safe is maybe start admitting these stuck/rebellious feelings. That is a start! The more I've started admitting how I feel about T and therapy itself, the more I've been able to open up about everything else and really rely on him. At first, the feelings were wanting to run away from him, being irritated with being in therapy, etc. Eventually, they turned in to wanting to run away with him, because I was angry that I wanted to be in therapy. Now, it's just angry that it hurts so much to want to connect with him and not be able to have him whenever I feel I need/want him. It's definitely progressing. But, I was quite stuck for a while.

Just by showing up and "trusting" her with your "resistence" is part of the work.

I know exactly how you feel! I was hoping I wasn't the only one going into therapy being resistant. I frequently tell my T that I don't trust him, that I think he's doing stuff wrong, or just sit there and glare at the floor. When I was a teenager I did this with my then T, except worse...much worse. It's weird but even though I know I am coming to him for his help (by my own choice), I still feel the need to protect myself. And all the resistance I give is a way I do that. Sometimes it feels like I'm testing his patience. I'm not sure why I do this but every time he sits there and accepts me (resistance, anger and everything else I throw at him) I feel a little better.

Honestly I think that this will get better in time (for both of us). I've been in therapy for 6 months now and everytime I go back it gets a tiny bit better. I think it's important for our T's to accept that the process of therapy is difficult and that sometimes in order to feel safe we have to act difficult. I hope that things get better for you, and that you'll stick it out.

Hello Quilter. This sounds like an awful place to be in, that you're going to therapy to get/feel better and yet find yourself in opposition to the very person who is supposed to be helping you. Here's a couple of questions just to clarify:

Is it possible you actually don't like your T? I've had Ts in the past where just who they were as a person really rubbed me up the wrong way, no matter how kindly or willing to listen to me they were, I found myself getting more and more resistant and angry (like someone constantly prodding you with a stick to the point where you just want to bite their head off.)

Equally, maybe you're being defensive? Are things coming up in therapy that feel threatening or annoying or seemingly irrelevant and unconnected to what you are trying to convey? If it's more to do with your reactions to what's happening in therapy than with how your T personally affects you, Yaku's suggestion of admitting these feelings to your T might well be what you need to do - instead of feeling more and more disconnected and annoyed about it all, being able to show/express/tell your T how it's all making you feel could be a really big step forward. (I'm using the conditional - 'would' 'could' 'might' - because from experience not all Ts are comfortable with apparent criticisms of the way they work). Having said that, I do think it's a good idea to at least tell your T THAT you are feeling like this generally, and see how she reacts.

And for what it's worth, yes I do feel something similar with my T, quite often in fact. I have resistances and defences that are so deeply entrenched that half the time I don't even recognize them - it's only when I clash with T about things that I get to become aware that it's actually something in me rather than her, and as Ruby has explained - each time T sits and accepts it, I feel a little more trusting and a little less defensive (lol then I jump straight back into being resistant and defensive again, but at least the next time I have slightly more confidence that it can be worked through, ultimately I hope the defensiveness will drop away completely. But I'm not holding my breath, that could take a looooong time.)

I hope you are able to sort this out with your T and soon, it's hell feeling like the one person you ought to be able to trust is actually making you feel even worse...

LL