HIC, i think you're a bit hard on yourself, as many of us here are. i think you're pretty sweet to go back and reread your stuff as damage control, but the truth is that none of us responds 100% accurately. our own stuff gets jumbled in with it, which is okay, i think. we're all trying. and again, we are our own best (worst?) critics. going by memory, i think your responses have been thoughtful and compassionate. but, kudos to you for striving to always be better. i think that in itself says alot about your character (((HIC)))

HIC I agree with closed doors, you are being a little hard on yourself. Whenever I see that you comment I always read because of the way you comment. I find what you say thoughtful, kind and interesting. Go easy on yourself and keep replying, you do fine.

((HIC)) Be kind to yourself. I've always been okay with you. I go back and read some of my stuff (or someone will quote me and Ill read the quote not knowing it's mine and thing 'oh I get that! who said that?' yea.... I dissociate through at least a good third of my responses. You're awesome!

Same as what the others say - you are great and I have never had a problem. I suspect we are all the same in our posting. Sometimes though - when we comment on someone's post and it is our own issue - that can be filled with brilliant information and shows people what you have experienced.

somedays

HIC,

Thank you for vthe honest yto say what most of us feel when contemplating our replies on this forum. It is the ever on-going dance between the unique individuals we all are and the universality of our pain, as diverse and unique that may be. I'm trying to make sense here. So it's also a dance between our own healing process and the directness with which we feel that and the relating to someone else's healing process and the way it is presented to us on this forum.
I feel that same tension you describe so well - almost all of the time.
Which makes me feel all the more admiration for our T's, who listen and reply to what we tell them while at the same time trying to stay with us and our healing and not letting their issues influence that too much.
I also agree with what's been said above, it's all good, it's all accepted here. Let's be mild towards ourselves, as we are to others. It really helps.

Funny, I was having the same thoughts about some of my posts here. I can count at least two occasions when I've said something influenced by my own stuff and assumed other people will get it - and then had to go back and clarify. And those are probably only the obvious ones to me!!

From my point of view though, I think there's room for all types of response. I know I have enjoyed other people's responses in threads I have started even if they have not been directly related to my own experience.

I think online interactions also have the added complication of being a bit blank screen so it's very easy for us to construct our own meaning from what other people post.

Personally, I guess I'm happy too if something I've posted causes someone to have a conversation with themselves and it is beneficial for them to then post about that.

I know I have a tendency to strive towards unachievable end points - but I have come to realise that it's not ever 100% possible to strip our responses from the life experiences that shape how we respond, just try and be aware of how our own contribution may affect others.

FWIW HIC, I've always felt that you give measured and compassionate responses.

Thanks, people, for sharing your thoughts. It was seriously interesting to me to read that other people have felt the same way. I agree that mildness all round is ideal.

I don’t *think* I was being too hard on myself, more just recognizing that cloudiness of vision is sometimes unavoidable but sometimes partially due to inattentiveness. I don’t really like myself or my writing when it’s from the latter, and uh, I guess I wanted to announce that in case it had ever bothered anyone else.

*However*, as you all seem to be suggesting, maybe the distinction is not so black and white as I am either talking to myself or to the other, and conversation here is more like a series of intersecting and overlapping circles.

Hmm, I rather like that. Thanks again for the food for thought and the kindness and reassurance as always.