responding to being pushed in therapy

well... I'm in a quandry right now...

I have this motivational issue when it comes to self care and some of it is related to depression but as my therapist pointed out. some of it is related to my disability and chronic pain as well. I often discount that due to various reasons.... but anyways.. I finally managed to bring this issue up with my therapist so I did and she felt we could work on it which is great but I'm really embarrssed by these difficulties because I just feel I should be doing better.... blah blah.... anyways so she wanted to know some of my particualr situations and I said... "I'm not ready to talk about that now"... so she wanted to know more like why and I told her about my difficulties, hang ups.. how i feel i should be doing better.. the whole issues with judgement of myself and of being judged etc... so she said that she won't push me in any way right now on it but that it's something we should talk about when I feel a bit more ready so its more like unfinished work.. ok? So I agreed. We went back to some work from last week on core beliefs and than at the end of the session, she gave me a homework assignment.. one of these sheets ive done before where you write down a situation, your feelings, rate the intensity of the feelings, automatic thoughts and mistakes in thoughts ... but than she said that she would like me to write down some of the situations im having issues with... whatever ones I might feel more comfortable sharing.. so maybe this is a way we can start talking about it...

Okay So That IS sooo pushing.... i was so NOT impressed.... lol. I was kinda shocked and didnt really respond much... I know she took her chances I think because I find writing safer.. its easier fo rme to write than to talk about sensitive stuff and on top of that Im very good at doing my homework... I jsut have to finish it.. it's like a School thing I guess.... I dont like leaving things unfinished... lol.

Anyways... I feel silly because in one way Im annoyed that she said she wouldnt push me at all and than she turned around and did so anyways but at the same time I know it's to help me and that she took her chances to push me a little and do it in a way that she knows im more receptive to... but now I dont know... I dont want to do it... lol.. give in... haha.... i guess it's a control issue I suppose... so just looking for some thoughts on this.... lol...

Iz

2/8/081:55 AM

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Attachment GirlAdmin

Butterfly Warrior,
I know we all need to be pushed sometimes, but my first T was really big on the idea that we need to trust ourselves and our own sense of pacing. For two reasons. The nature of trauma is that it comes at you too hard and fast to handle, so when we're looking at issues that are likely to stir up toxic stuff, we need to treat it with a lot of respect and that means taking it slowly enough that we don't get overwhelmed by it again, reinjure ourselves and make it worse. The second is that human beings face what they need to when they're ready to. Telling someone something or looking at something before you're ready handle it usually does no good and can do harm. Its really ok to trust yourself as to what you're ready to talk about. Its your stuff and no one else has nearly a good a feel for what you're ready to do then you do. And from other postings from you, this is a fairly new T and you're building trust, which, if you anything like me : ) Can take a lot of time. And should. So...if after thinking about it, you want to do the exercise, do it. But if not, its your therapy, and you have every right to say no until you feel ready. Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you.

AG

2/8/088:04 AM

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thedudeMember

Sometimes, we need a bit of a 'push' whether we want it or not. However, it IS your therapy session, your time and money, so it's really up to you to do with it what you like! Perhaps one good writing assignment is how you feel pushed!

Scott

2/8/088:40 AM

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butterflywarriorMember

AG- thank you for your kind and helpful reminder. you are so right.!! I see you are from Syracuse NY.. I was born in NJ.. hehe....

Scott.. thats true too... i did write on the form that I know what you're doing... LOLOL.... and Im not sure how I feel about it just yet... lol... so passive-aggressive I think but I wrote it in pencil in case I change my mind, i can erase it... lol..

i wrote some things.. safe things in the front.. i wrote the whole list in the back... i dont think she will think to turnm it over and see that... i will decide if I will tell her to turn it over or not.. I think I might let her know its there but im not ready to talk aboit it an I really mean it.. lol..

thanks for the imput

2/9/081:32 AM

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Attachment GirlAdmin

Small world, BW, I was actually born in central Jersey and stayed through college. I moved to Syracuse when I graduated.