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17 replies

response from a lurker

faythfaythMember
Hi all, have just read Jo's post about lurkers.....

I posted a little while ago...first in response to DF's thread...and then a general "hi" to everyone....

I am really sorry for not responding to much....it's just that everything is really overwhelming at the moment. I think partly why I stopped posting is that my counsellor spoke about "internet forums" in my very next session...and it would not be unknown for me to feel a little paranoid....

I am also dealing with the fact that she is moving away...along with losing home, splitting with partner of 20 years....and it just feels like i am coming apart at the seams at the moment.

The thing is, I need to be strong 'cos I have 3 school age kids to look out for...and it is just soooo hard.

I have to admit that by "lurking" here for quite some time, I feel like I "know" many of you while at the same time remaining anonymous....and I would just like to say that I feel and share your pain. I started out in relationship counselling...then individual counselling...which has bought up so many past issues...sa history...and (recently) attachment and identity issues. I feel kind of guilty as I think I am resistant to a lot that comes up because of the fear and truth that I may have to face....which is why I feel I am not qualified to comment on many posts.

Just wanted to say that I think you are all very brave, intelligent, kind and caring individuals who deserve so much more than what you received in the past.... and am glad that you can support one another here Smiler

Sorry, but am sitting here in tears, all I can think of is that my C will be gone in a matter of weeks....and feel heartbroken Frowner
Suppose I feel angry, guilty...and idk...never seem to make much sense.....

(((much love to you all)))

Faith xx
Original Post

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True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Faith... thank you for coming out of lurkdom to post what is going on with you. I'm so sorry you are having to face so much turmoil and grief and all at once too. This is just the time I would hope that you can reach out to us here and allow us to be there for you and to support you while you find your feet again.

I lost my T of almost 3 years and it was so devastating I could not also imagine losing my parnter and my home. At least that was stable for me although I almost lost my job and that has been a bit wobbly over the past ten months.

Losing a T is very difficult, especially when you are left with so much unfinished business. I hope you can find some closure with your T and that you will be able to find the strength to go on and begin a relationship with a new T. That is the only thing that has kept me from going totally insane. Having my new T to talk to about all of this has been life-saving.

You are free to lurk or join in as much as you can. I am very happy that you have found a place that gives you some comfort and knowledge too. You are welcome to hang out with us for as long as you have a need to be here.

Hang in there,
TN
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
(((((Faith)))))

Thank you for posting. I am sorry that you are facing so much pain right now. Please don't worry about not posting (although feel completely welcome if you need to). I am glad that you have been able to find comfort and help here, it's a big part of the purpose of this forum.

While I understand Jo's feelings of exposure (and am happy that she was able to express them), my own feelings about lurkers has always been a hope that even those who were not capable of speaking up could find help here. It's one of the reasons I encourage people who see themselves as seeking too much support. You never know who is out there needing to hear the responses to your situation but not able to ask. It's a really good feeling to think that this forum is reaching further than we can know and doing good beyond our awareness. Thank you for making the effort in the middle of your pain to share that with us. Take care.

AG
yakusokuyakusokuMember
(((Faith))) I'm sorry everything feels like it's unraveling right now. I'm glad you were able to post here, but I hope you know whether you feel comfortable doing so or not, you're always welcome here. I can't imagine how hard it must be with three kids. Just with Boo, it is a lot for me right now. I hope you are able to find some comfort relating to others on here (and you relating means you are also brave, intelligent, kind, caring and deserving).
faythfaythMember
Thank you sooo much for your replies TN, AG and DF (feel like I am being too informal here) Smiler

Thank you TN, I never ever thought that I would the feel the way I do know....In some ways I sooo regret getting "caught up" in this...if that makes sense...

AG...It seems you are a bit of a guru here, and i am very appreciative of you understanding Smiler It DOES help so much....just to know that I am not so completely alone....because I don't choose to share with many people Smiler

Hi DF....yes....you're "leaving" prompted me to post. I feel a connection to you all because I understand virtually every word spoken here....and the lighter moments..which cause me to chuckle are a godsend Big Grin
She has sold her house... and has talked in last session about how we may be able to email her with thoughts....followed up by a phone session. Can't help but feel like a burden though....

Triple crosspost...LOL

Luv ya xx
seablueseablueMember
Oh....Faith. I am so sorry you are in so much pain and facing so many changes must feel completely overwhelming. Frowner I really understand the deep pain, Faith and the pressure to keep it together for your children.

I hope you can be gentle with yourself, right now especially. You deserve so much kindness and room to not be wonderwoman!!

Have you found another T, or do you plan to? (really really hoping that question is not too triggering.)

((((Faith))))

seablue
faythfaythMember
Glad AG is with me on the crosspost Big Grin

Thanks yaku....my sobbing has lessened - maybe to even manage a (sort of) smile??

Yeah, things are hard atm, and I have one friend that kinda understands as far as losing my counsellor goes....I mean....in all of this....losing her seems to be the most upsetting, so I don't know if that makes me just weird....but although scary as the other things are....thinking of losing her is the only thing that reduces me to tears Frowner

Feel really shaky now (it's 4.30am) so probably should go to bed...

Thanks once again for your responses and know that I think very highly of you all

and to Jo ((((Jo)))) (sorry)

Faith xx
faythfaythMember
Hi Seablue....crossposted with you too.... Smiler

I always feel so guilty for opening up like that....and then want to say...It's fine....nothing to worry about... Frowner

If I remember correctly...you are also in the situation of losing your T due to relocation?? sorry if incorrect....but really must go to bed if I am to get up in the morning...so haven't the time to go back and check now....

Many kind wishes and hugs to you if ok ((((seablue)))

Faith xx
seablueseablueMember
Faith,
ooooh....just realized I presumed you are female. Should not have, so sorry if I am wrong! Eeker

Yes, you are correct....my T is moving away from me in about a month. And my H (whom I have been with for 20 years, married for 11 of them) and I are divorcing. We have some things in common, it seems.

I hope you have gone to bed now and can get some sleep!! Smiler
J Jo (Guest)
Faith I appreciate your post. I want you to know that there is no reason for you to apologize to me. I even mentioned in my post about "lurkers" (I may change that title because I wish I had used another word) that I knew there were people who got support from this forum just by watching etc. I knew that there were those with good hearts watching but not posting. So to me you are one of those people. My concern was the ones who may not be like you.

I am sorry you are going through so much pain. It's painful when relationships with Ts end. I know that all too well.

(((Faithless)))

No worries and I am glad you posted this and hope that you come back.

Jo
ladygreyladygreyMember
Welcome Faithless, I'm glad to see you here, but totally understand not being able to post often for various reasons.

I can imagine how overwhelmed you are feeling with splitting up with your partner of 20 years and having 3 kids that are school aged. That truly is a lot to be dealing with. ((((((F))))))

PS. DF is leaving?? WFT did I miss??
faythfaythMember
Thanks so much for your responses everyone...

Jo, I did understand the context of your original post about "lurkers"...Smiler
I suppose in a way, I felt a little guilty about reading your posts while not participating or sharing anything of myself if that makes any sense....Smiler

It is hard BG, but at the same time...i feel like a complete failure...thanks for your kind words.

LG....yeah...think you were away at the time DF left if I remember correctly (glad she's back)Big Grin

Smiley...thank you Smiler

BB, I'm doing ok...well, as ok as I can be at the moment...one day at a time kind of thing - to not shut down completely is an achievement Smiler Really feel for you too.

Really, thanks for being there...

(((Big hugs to you all)))
Faith xx

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