Butterfly ~

I battle the pull of needing support and help, versus the cost, both emotionally and financially, of therapy. It's not easy. At the same time, it is worth an investment and we all need places of support and help, regardless if we do therapy or not, especially when we go through tough seasons - and it sounds like you have hit a rough patch. I'm sorry things are hard right now.

Maybe the financial cost of going to therapy can be less? Have you looked into seeing of there are any clinics or Ts in your area that work on a sliding scale? Or a support group? sometimes there can even be free support groups for some stuff. There may not be anything and you may have already looked into it.

It could be possible that the relationship with a new therapist might not be as hard as it was with the old T. I found that to be true in my case. I obessed over my old T, but it's much easier (albeit not easy) with my new T. It doesn't consume me like it used to. Much of it is because my new T is pretty different and we go at a much slower pace - furstratingly slow sometimes - but it's just what works for me to keep it from being in that place where I get consumed by it. We work on just as deep of stuff. I think.

None of this may apply to you, just thinking out loud with you...

most of all I want you to know I'm listening and here

many hugs,
~jane

butterfly, i agree with all janedoe said. another option too, might be to go less often. even every other week. compared to nothing, that would be alot of support. but, obviously, half the cost.

it is a battle i fight many times a day!! it is so consuming and so expensive. and for me, so long a road.

hang in there!! jill

(((Jill & Jane))) thank you for your responses.

Yes there are people who work to a sliding scale but even then it is still too much money for me to do weekly. I don't think a group would suit me as I probably wouldn't speak up much. Unfortuantely T's round here prefer that the first few sessions are weekly to build up the relationship before cutting down the number of sessions which I totally understand.

I'll work something out. Thanks.

Butterfly

Butterfly,

I wonder if it might be helpful to visit the local library or bookstore and check out some books on relationships. It would be much cheaper than therapy but would allow you to continue to work on yourself as you pursue a relationship. Sometimes they even have relationship workbooks or self-help workbooks. Perhaps that, along with some journaling, would be a good solution to not being able to finance therapy at the moment.

Thank you Draggers for reaffirming that the relationship may be different this time round. Things are a bit up in the air at the minute with my doc but I appreciate the suggestion. Also thanks for your ears.

LG thank you for your support, I do have lots of books on relationships and they are useful but unfortunately they don't provide the level of emotional support that I would like to have.

Thank you both!

Butterfly

Butterfly,

I hate that financial issues get in the way of healing. It really shouldn't be that way, but of course there isn't a great way around that I suppose.

Perhaps you could spend some time setting a certain amount of money aside each week (less than the cost of a session) and build up some reserves for therapy and then the impact wouldn't be so great when you did return? I think it is understandable to both want and need support when you are going through so many changes. I hope that you can find a workable solution. (((hugs)))

butterfly! can i say that i know exactly how you feel - i am pretty much in the same place myself! well, i have moved forward slightly (or backwards) I'm not sure yet...

not sure if you remember, but i also stopped therapy (its been 6 months and stopped counting now) and recently have been feeling so lost and confused and overwhelmed and facing many decisions and so much uncertainty, that i gave in and decided to go to therapy again. today i had a really bad session but the one last week was really good, and it helped me to feel a bit more together and more at peace with myself - which is what i need in these uncertain times.

sorry, i'm going on about myself - but i don't know what to tell you... it has been good in a way to reach out again and try to give myself what i needed - but at the same time a whole lot of cans of worms are being opened again and i'm not sure how i'm gonna deal with that... but maybe that's what i needed as well.

maybe you can also just try it out for a short while..? at least you will have set budget in mind and going for a few sessions might help you to figure out what you want for the future. but then again, this is what i'm struggling with at the moment, i only have 2 or 3 more sessions with this T and then what?? i feel like the blind leading the blind!

i'm sorry my post is all over the place and probably confusing you more (and myself!). but i think i know how you feel and i really feel for you, its really hard leaving therapy in the first place and it sounds like you're going through a lot right now too...

i looked up at one of your old posts about leaving therapy and what you wrote was so sad and it's been so true for me too: "I have been telling my T for some time that I need to end with her as her caring for me is too painful to handle at the moment but I haven’t actually been able to go through with it." sorry for bringing this up and quoting, i can delete it if you want.

i'm sorry i can't offer any help, except understanding.

puppet

Thanks ((STRM))...that is a good idea of putting money aside, I am trying to do that at the moment. Hopefully by the time I have enough I won't need therapy anymore and instead can buy myself something nice
Thanks too for my hugs...they are greatly needed.

(((Puppet))) I am sorry you are having such a hard time too. I'm glad you were able to reach out and get some help but I understand the fear of it not being enough time and I too hope you can work something out when this short period is over.

Yes...I am hoping to try it for a short while...am just working out whether I can afford to part with the money and the impact it would have if I do. I also run the same risk as you have come across of 'opening up a can of worms'...as much as I would like the support I have at the same time learnt to become a bit more independent not having anyone to fall back on and fear if I go back for a short time I will become reliant or it will open up areas that cannot be closed easily.

Thank you for your understanding...sorry you could also relate to my other post of having my T care for me be painful. I wish I had had the strength to end it as it felt like a kick in the stomach to have threatened so much and then have her finish with me.

I hope we can both get the support we need.

Butterfly

i'm so sorry about what happened with your old T and i really hope that the next T you see won't let you down, you deserve someone who will stand by you and won't give up on you.
my old T put up with my 'threats' too and she never took it personally, which meant so much to me.
take care. i hope things will get clearer for you too.

puppet