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4 replies

Resumed shopping for T

I inpainMember
Hello, I'm very new to this site. I actually began shopping for T's in 2010. I stopped for a while and recently resumed the shopping because back then I had horrible experiences with them. But shopping again, I have some questions and I'd appreciate if you answer me.

I grew up under both child like parents. So my issues stem from both mom and dad I believe. But I think the wounds caused by my mom is deeper. I don't know how but it just feels like it. ANd she died when I was a teenager. So here are my questions.

1. If I want to heal unresolved issues with my dead mom, do you think I should see a female therapist or male? (I'm a guy) Logically, female therapists make sense in this case.

2. I get very intimidated by good looking pretty female therapists. I suffer from severe shame and the level of shame skyrockets when I even think about seeing a good looking female therapists. It's like "Is she laughing at me and thinking I am a pathetic loser?" This kind of paranoid thinking is very severe when I am with a good looking woman.
I just made an appointment with a not-that pretty female therapist because it's not that intimidating.
So, does it mean I have to see the good looking therapists in order for me to break and challenge that shame?
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catalystcatalystMember
good to meet you, sorry you are struggling right now and shopping for a T (it's intimidating, I find).

The relationship is a very important part of therapy. If you know something triggers you (some Ts won't work with people who have physical characteristics that trigger them - for example if you looked like their brother and it triggers them or they know they can't work with skinny women or something because they had an ED - who knows) I think it would be good to avoid. You can work on your shame with someone who doesn't trigger you.

I'm not sure if a male or female would be better. You can see a variety of therapists, also over your 'therapy' career. When my Ts talk about their experiences in therapy it varies from 'he' to 'she'. It might be good to meet a variety, ask the T if they can resolve mother issues. I see two female Ts (concurrently, one specializes in a specific thing and is my "extra" therapist) and I have a lot of both types are parental transference. Meet a variety and see who clicks, and I think... don't feel pressure to push yourself past your limits (shame is huge to resolve and I think going in to therapy already triggered may be super hard).
I inpainMember
Thank you so much guys. I really appreciate for your thoughtful replies. It makes me feel I am not alone. THank you.
Yea, so I started calling female therapists this week and i made some appoints. I am so freaking nervous my hands are sweaty already.
This one therapist whom I left a voice message to around 3PM today. Called me back at 10PM tonight! I didn't answer and she left a voice message saying she was really busy and she is sorry she couldn't get back to me earlier. That's good but is it normal for a therapist to call at 10 at night?
catalystcatalystMember
I had a therapist call me at 11:30 once... but I'd just contacted them around 11 (via a message - it was an ED T). Some do work later in to the evening... 10 is a bit late to call someone. I normally cut myself off at 9, it could be that it was very important to her to get back to you as soon as she could on the same day? I don't know.

I do very much hope you find someone who feels right to work with!

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