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Hey Butterfly,
What a great idea by CTL to ask if you can commit to another 6 weeks instead of making a permanent commitment, even though if you did you could still walk away anytime.
It's funny to me that she was the one who wanted you to commit to 6 sessions and initiated the review session. I can't help but wonder what that was all about. Her needs? I've just never had a T work that way.
IDK, I'm just going to throw something out there about the accessibility/inaccessibility issue. She is inaccessible after hours and during vacation. But she's making herself very accessible to you by nearly forcing you to commit before you are ready or before the relationship has developed enough for you. I would have felt trapped like you do and the whole 6 week trial thing and review would have been a turn off for me too.
I can't help but wonder if behind the trapped feelings, there is some avoidant stuff or a fear of engulfment going on for you? Is she making herself too available in a way, asking for too much too soon?
I think that it would be a great thing to tell her, that you probably would have continued going week by week but now you feel pressured.
On the other hand (there's always another hand LOL!) if you just don't feel like you are clicking with her, then maybe it would be better to find someone you have more of a rapport with?
What a great idea by CTL to ask if you can commit to another 6 weeks instead of making a permanent commitment, even though if you did you could still walk away anytime.
It's funny to me that she was the one who wanted you to commit to 6 sessions and initiated the review session. I can't help but wonder what that was all about. Her needs? I've just never had a T work that way.
IDK, I'm just going to throw something out there about the accessibility/inaccessibility issue. She is inaccessible after hours and during vacation. But she's making herself very accessible to you by nearly forcing you to commit before you are ready or before the relationship has developed enough for you. I would have felt trapped like you do and the whole 6 week trial thing and review would have been a turn off for me too.
I can't help but wonder if behind the trapped feelings, there is some avoidant stuff or a fear of engulfment going on for you? Is she making herself too available in a way, asking for too much too soon?
I think that it would be a great thing to tell her, that you probably would have continued going week by week but now you feel pressured.
On the other hand (there's always another hand LOL!) if you just don't feel like you are clicking with her, then maybe it would be better to find someone you have more of a rapport with?
Butterfly,
I've never had a review though my new T has asked me at the next session how I felt about the previous one. Is it possible for you to commit to another 6 weeks and have another review then?
I think it is hard to go to another T when you've been so comfortable with another especially if their styles differ greatly. Having said that, coming from a T with unclear and ever changing boundaries I am really thankful to have one that has very clear boundaries that I don't have to dissect and try to figure out. Ultimately, I think some flexibiity is nice but in general I think it is beneficial to have very clear and consistent boundaries. Do you think it's the boundaries that you are having issues with or knowing that if you settle in then you have to work on the issues that you are there for? Maybe that is what is worrying you more underneath all of this??
I think when shopping for a new T it is important to look at the overall picture. There is always going to be something that doesn't match what you used to have or that you wish would be different. The question is whether those things are deal breakers or just something new to get used to.
Good luck to you, T shopping is hard work!!
I've never had a review though my new T has asked me at the next session how I felt about the previous one. Is it possible for you to commit to another 6 weeks and have another review then?
I think it is hard to go to another T when you've been so comfortable with another especially if their styles differ greatly. Having said that, coming from a T with unclear and ever changing boundaries I am really thankful to have one that has very clear boundaries that I don't have to dissect and try to figure out. Ultimately, I think some flexibiity is nice but in general I think it is beneficial to have very clear and consistent boundaries. Do you think it's the boundaries that you are having issues with or knowing that if you settle in then you have to work on the issues that you are there for? Maybe that is what is worrying you more underneath all of this??
I think when shopping for a new T it is important to look at the overall picture. There is always going to be something that doesn't match what you used to have or that you wish would be different. The question is whether those things are deal breakers or just something new to get used to.
Good luck to you, T shopping is hard work!!
Hello Butterfly
Nice to see you
From what you say, your t sounds a lot like mine. She has very strict boundaries - no out of session contact at all and she has two weeks off christmas, easter and a month in August. She also has a small room. I know a lot of people here have ts with different set up to this but I got the impression a lot are this strict as well so I don't think it's unusual. Mine also made it very clear after our one initial meeting, that I couldn't just not turn up after that - I'd have to give her some notice period. I agree with the others - you should definitely talk it out with her - because I can completely understand it freaking you a bit if you feel expected to commit now to years of working with her!! But maybe it's just a more flexible committment to say you won't one week say you aren't coming again? I find it comforting to know my t didn't like the idea of it being a week by week thing because then it's like she's attached to me too
Good luck with her - you have to trust your gut and only you will know if this will work for you or not.
Hugs
Serenity
Nice to see you
From what you say, your t sounds a lot like mine. She has very strict boundaries - no out of session contact at all and she has two weeks off christmas, easter and a month in August. She also has a small room. I know a lot of people here have ts with different set up to this but I got the impression a lot are this strict as well so I don't think it's unusual. Mine also made it very clear after our one initial meeting, that I couldn't just not turn up after that - I'd have to give her some notice period. I agree with the others - you should definitely talk it out with her - because I can completely understand it freaking you a bit if you feel expected to commit now to years of working with her!! But maybe it's just a more flexible committment to say you won't one week say you aren't coming again? I find it comforting to know my t didn't like the idea of it being a week by week thing because then it's like she's attached to me too
Good luck with her - you have to trust your gut and only you will know if this will work for you or not.
Hugs
Serenity