Give it time, River, you'll get there.
*Takes out measuring stick*
I am not sure if I am ready and stable enough to continue delving into my deep dark past. Being a recovering alcoholic this has pushed me to some limits that really scare me.
I am having a really hard time just dealing with everyday stuff and staying straight never mind going through all this other crap. It did help, but when I hit one of those downturns, my coping skills at the best really suck and I coped the only way I know how. Not good.
I really do want to just get better, or at least feel something positive.
Kats
I am having a really hard time just dealing with everyday stuff and staying straight never mind going through all this other crap. It did help, but when I hit one of those downturns, my coping skills at the best really suck and I coped the only way I know how. Not good.
I really do want to just get better, or at least feel something positive.
Kats
Oh I love the idea of the skeletons falling out of the cupboard. That so describes it. And the wonder is that you're still standing at the end of the day, still functioning (well, sort of), still running a home, still running a business, still managing not to p off all your friends, still getting dressed and grooomed and facing the world because it doesn't know about the skeletons!!!
Anyone remember the film with Sandra Bullock where she was in rehab and the scene with the horse's leg? The horse won't lift his leg until 'the outside matches the inside' in other words, until you are 'Real' - he can tell.
So much of our energies are spent hiding our emotions - that's if we're lucky enough to recognise them - but even more is spent pretending to feel something we don't feel. Pretending to not be hurt, not be angry, not be scared, not to be hungry is one thing but pretending to be loving, to be kind, to be unselfish when we really want to rant and rave and scream with anger and hurt, now that can make a girl ill and exhausted with trying to cover up all the time. And if you can't name the emotions in the first place well what chance do you have??
I tell ya, I'm in there with the skinny guys!!!
Lady
Anyone remember the film with Sandra Bullock where she was in rehab and the scene with the horse's leg? The horse won't lift his leg until 'the outside matches the inside' in other words, until you are 'Real' - he can tell.
So much of our energies are spent hiding our emotions - that's if we're lucky enough to recognise them - but even more is spent pretending to feel something we don't feel. Pretending to not be hurt, not be angry, not be scared, not to be hungry is one thing but pretending to be loving, to be kind, to be unselfish when we really want to rant and rave and scream with anger and hurt, now that can make a girl ill and exhausted with trying to cover up all the time. And if you can't name the emotions in the first place well what chance do you have??
I tell ya, I'm in there with the skinny guys!!!
Lady
Hi Katskills, I would trust your instincts on that one. Get stable and as you feel stronger, dip in a little deeper. Give yourself lots of time. Discover what supports you.
In this culture, there's notion that we have to uncover deeply buried stuff to heal. However, a lot of good therapy takes place just in establishing a good relationship with your therapist. In my own personal therapy, I spend a lot of time just being with my therapist, finding resources and sensing in to how my body settles down.
I learned so much with body psychotherapy and resourcing. We're taught not to go in too deep on a subject until the client feels safe. And, because we're using direct signals from the body, we know this is often the best approach. A lot of therapy with my beginning clients is just around getting the feeling of safety and stability.
Some clients will want to "tell it all" but I discourage this until they really feel they know me. This way, we stretch things out so what needs to be felt is captured versus doing "drive-by's".
Hope that helps,
Shrinklady
In this culture, there's notion that we have to uncover deeply buried stuff to heal. However, a lot of good therapy takes place just in establishing a good relationship with your therapist. In my own personal therapy, I spend a lot of time just being with my therapist, finding resources and sensing in to how my body settles down.
I learned so much with body psychotherapy and resourcing. We're taught not to go in too deep on a subject until the client feels safe. And, because we're using direct signals from the body, we know this is often the best approach. A lot of therapy with my beginning clients is just around getting the feeling of safety and stability.
Some clients will want to "tell it all" but I discourage this until they really feel they know me. This way, we stretch things out so what needs to be felt is captured versus doing "drive-by's".
Hope that helps,
Shrinklady
Thankyou Shrinklady for your words of wisdom.
It is good to here that it is okay just to sit with T and not get to deep into ourselves. My doctor was just telling me today that my foundation is not very strong right now, and I really need to strengthen it before I will be able to move forward.
I do truly believe that my T realizes this and that we are taking it a little more cautiously.
As nervous as I am about the holidays, and not having contact with her for 3 weeks. It may give me time to strengthen my foundation.
Kats
It is good to here that it is okay just to sit with T and not get to deep into ourselves. My doctor was just telling me today that my foundation is not very strong right now, and I really need to strengthen it before I will be able to move forward.
I do truly believe that my T realizes this and that we are taking it a little more cautiously.
As nervous as I am about the holidays, and not having contact with her for 3 weeks. It may give me time to strengthen my foundation.
Kats
Kats...I am also nervous about the holidays and not seeing my T for two weeks. The thing I'm holding onto is that he has told me that I can email him and if I really need it ... he can schedule a telephone session. I doubt I would ask him to do that but it's nice to know the offer is out there. I will probably email him or if things get difficult I may call just for that minute of contact that has an amazing calming effect on me.
As for not going too deep too soon... I think this is a wise choice. You will know when you are ready to talk about certain things. And my T always reminds me that there is no time limit or schedule to this and if I'm not ready to handle either re-experiencing things and/or the emotions that come with it then I should take my time. And therapy is certainly not a linear process. You will wander all over the place, go up and down and all around with your thoughts, memories, emotions and feelings.
So take your time to strengthen your base foundation. It's all about trust, safety and attunement for me. If I don't feel that in a session I will not be able to "go deep". Lately, I've been struggling with my backing away from some hard stuff with my T and we have been working on this. I have done some reading and kind of figured out what I've been doing. My foundation while pretty developed right now can shake and crack at times and I've been in therapy for just under a year now. My T is really starting to understand why I back away and he gives me space and constant reassurance which seems to work because the next time we meet I am able to really have meaningful discussion with him.
So hang in there and keep posting... it will help you get through not seeing your T for a few weeks. I will be around through the holidays if you need to chat. Be good to yourself.
TN
As for not going too deep too soon... I think this is a wise choice. You will know when you are ready to talk about certain things. And my T always reminds me that there is no time limit or schedule to this and if I'm not ready to handle either re-experiencing things and/or the emotions that come with it then I should take my time. And therapy is certainly not a linear process. You will wander all over the place, go up and down and all around with your thoughts, memories, emotions and feelings.
So take your time to strengthen your base foundation. It's all about trust, safety and attunement for me. If I don't feel that in a session I will not be able to "go deep". Lately, I've been struggling with my backing away from some hard stuff with my T and we have been working on this. I have done some reading and kind of figured out what I've been doing. My foundation while pretty developed right now can shake and crack at times and I've been in therapy for just under a year now. My T is really starting to understand why I back away and he gives me space and constant reassurance which seems to work because the next time we meet I am able to really have meaningful discussion with him.
So hang in there and keep posting... it will help you get through not seeing your T for a few weeks. I will be around through the holidays if you need to chat. Be good to yourself.
TN