Tessa! What terrible timing on your T's part. Her 'wanting to call' and not doing it, particularly struck a chord with me. T said that to me once over a particular issue-- "I almost called you, but then didn't"-- and I was thinking... uhm... thanks? I definitely think the rearranging combined with prolonged absence is sure to be triggering. She must know this, and who knows, may even be expecting you to tear her a new one over this. I'll give you the old advice of bringing your feelings to her, and seeing what happens

Good luck,
effed

quote:

Anyone else have a similar situation happen to them? What to do?

Tessa... have you read my threads about how I reacted (devastated) when my T changed the chairs in his office? I have been freaking out over this for the past two months or so. I have tried everything to get comfortable again in there. We have spent a number of sessions sitting on the floor because I just could not sit in the new chairs. I still hate them. I have sat in them the past 2 sessions but I bring a soft fuzzy throw to put over the chairs so I don't have to see or hear them (they are leather and the squeek). That helps a little.

My T and I have spent a lot of time talking about his chairs, what the changes mean to me, what they represent, and how I feel. I know I drive him crazy but he is hanging in there with me. I have been seeing him for 18 months now. He also changed his reception room around and that has me freaked out as well, although not as much as the hated new chairs.

My recommendation would be to talk to her about it and work through the meanings and the feelings it evokes in you. It's a great opportunity to explore your feelings and how they connect back to T and why you feel this way. Change is threatening and makes the T seem inconsistent and that is scary (but not dangerous as my T reminds me).

I just wanted to say that I totally understand.

TN

On an incredibly much smaller and significantly less impactful note.... When I walked in tonight, the throw blanket that is usually over my T's chair was on mine...and it totally threw me off.

I recalled my first session, being given the choice of where to sit, and choosing the chair without the blanket as the other one seemed to more important in some way.

Knowing my T though, it was probably either completely accidental, or completely on purpose... LOL

I get uncomfortable when anything changes in my Ts office - thankfully they both keep them relatively the same. Recently things have started to change up in my with one of my Ts where we're adding table work (so I do some sort of table work with both my Ts now) and my T has to set up her table and is moving around a lot of my session I haven't gotten used to it yet and it wastes a lot of time I have a place I sit, a way I like to sit, etc I have a very established routine. As I've trusted my Ts more I'm better able to handle when things aren't like they used to be An entire office facelift would really drive me bonkers. I got kind of skittish and confused when I came in for a session earlier this week and my T had a usually closed door open (I walk through 3 doors to get to my T so this was door #2). I kind of frozen then snuck in to my normal waiting room chair I think I wasn't even breathing I was trying to be so quiet LOL

Tessa,

Oh, that would be awful, an unexpected switch like that and on the heels of a vacation you had been reassured about that nothing would be changing. It's nice that your T wanted to call and warn you...it would have been nicer if she had actually followed through and done it.

I had a kind of similar, though slightly less jarring experience. I see T in two different offices. The second one (across the bay, an hour away from me) we had been meeting in a few months and I felt safest there, as it was cozy, homey, enclosed. I was able to share some really hard stuff for the first time in that office. Then, one day, I showed up and T said something like, "Oh, maybe I should have warned you, we're switching rooms." Since then, we have been meeting in another office which is "his." It was a hard adjustment at first. He was very good at asking how I was feeling and apologizing and working through my anxiety with me. I just kept telling him that I didn't feel safe or comfortable, that I knew I would get over it in time, but I felt exposed and not at home. I actually didn't want to talk about it and spent most of the session being very quiet and tyring to learn how to tolerate the room.

It helped that this office was actually the one in the building that was filled with all HIS stuff, furnishings and decorations he had picked, items that have personal significance to him. So while I, at first, did not like the office as much, having him tell me that the stuff was his and share about what some of the things in there were, I started to connect the room (which didn't feel safe) to my T (who did feel...as safe as I allow my self to feel). It's still not a homey office, but I feel at home there, because my T is there. It has taken me months to get to that place, though. Just the last few weeks, I am starting to feel like I can go in there and adjust it, like I belong there. These things can take a very long time.

I do think that meeting my T in multiple locations and doing phone sessions has helped me adapt better when there are changes to the environment, because it has shown me that no matter what the environment, my T is just himself and he never changes. It has been hard to not have that consistency, but it has also made things that would have been a big deal (like that office move) a little easier than they otherwise would have been. It also helps that no matter which office he has been in, since I have made him his sock/glove animal gifts, they are always there, out on display. So, something I created, something that's kind of a piece of me, is always there in whatever room he is working out of. Monkey lives in his office nearby. Morse the horse lives in his office across the bay. The lemanda (panda that looks kind of like a lemur) was going everywhere with him so that he could be in both offices, but I told T that it wasn't necessary and since then, he has been hanging out with monkeys. Anyway, having something that is "me" in those rooms all the time helps to make me feel like I belong wherever it is.

I totally understand how this can be devastating - but I am the opposite. I don't notice a thing.

TessaSnow, hi.

Suddenly one day my T had a new couch (went from leather to a hard cloth couch). I sat on it not saying a word. She said, "My couch is in my new office, on the other side. We're expanding and have been behind the scenes. It is almost done." Had maybe 2-5 sessions on that couch (I can't remember). During these sessions I noticed a wall removed, waiting area enlarged and a new door to the 'other side'. So, one day T came to get me from this 'other side' and when I got to her office, the couch was there, so that made me happy, but OMG, I wanted to curl up into a ball. I sat there, wringing my hands, leaning forward on the couch (elbows on my knees), looking all over, the whole session, barely talked. (She did have boxes and stuff so she wasn't even 'settled in' before she took clients in.) I did tell her I wanted to go back to her old office a few times after the move.

So, more recently (months after the move), longer into our relationship (I'm more comfortable with her and being honest and saying WHATEVER is on my mind), I told her, "I hate your office. I really hate it." She smiled and said, "Should I redecorate?" "Oh, no!" I said.

No kidding, a month or so later, we're walking down the hallway to start our session and RIGHT at the doorway she says, "I redecorated, but I thought about you. I know you had a hard time when my office moved. None of my other clients had a hard time with the new office. (catching herself on what she just said) Oh, well, I know some people have a hard time with change." I sat on the couch (now on the opposite wall, so I'm looking out windows, but also looking directly at her desk) and looked around and said, "That was nice of you to think of me. I like it." She said, "You do?" I said, "Yes, I like it." (Well, I hate looking at her desk, that's a bit weird, but I didn't tell her that.)

So, today, I still miss her old office....the room I first met her in....the safest room I felt in some time. Right now, the last 4 sessions or so, I've been asking her to close the blinds....that's another long rant that I won't go in to.

I'm sorry for the anxiety you have over the big change! Some people have a difficult time with change. It is OK. You are you (and not over-reacting).

My T just did this the other day and I was completely thrown! She did ask my opinion on whether or not she should put up some art work, but other than that the chairs, couch, table and bookshelves were rearranged! I think she asked my opinion on the artwork before I entered the room as to get me ready for the change. It took me longer than usual to decide where to sit or where to put my drink. T made a comment about me looking around and trying to figure it out. I was looking for my usual coaster to put my drink on. Anyway, I don't like the new arrangement because there is a little table in between where she sits and I sit. I didn't feel quite as connected and we were actually further apart distance wise because of the arrangement. I couldn't get the close eye contact. I think next time I'm going to try and sit somewhere else.
Last night I woke up with a bad dream about T's new office arrangement. It must have really pissed me off and I tried to not let it bother me during session.

Oh that would really throw me!

I Skype with my T and she often moves from room to room and everytime I'm like "woah, where are you?!" It throws me off a little but then on her end, she sees me usually sitting in my car but often with a different backdrop in the background. Today, for example, it was very sunny out so I had to drive around to find a tree to get some shade, otherwise she cannot see me. So I ended up at a cemetery and she was like, "is that a tombstone behind your car?!" and I was all, "Um...yeah. we are at a cemetery today" and she laughed. I think I will start trying out new spots each time so she can get a little tour of my city, lol.