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sad news

butterflywarriorbutterflywarriorMember
On my complex PTSD listserve, one of the founders of the group who is 34 years old recently sent me some books... got them the other day... they were nearly new. One was The Body Remembers and the other was on Deep Processing therapy... the guy is from Canada and when I went to thank him, I got a automated response saying he is deceased.. my jaw fell and isntant thought went to.. OMG he committed suicide but I hoped not.

Well I emailed the C-PTSD listserve and people weren't sure so some did some reseaech and one guy, a moderator said about amonth ago he had handed over some moderator duties to him but he had assumed that he was just tired b/c he had been doiung the group a long time

anyways, it was found that he did in fact take his life. =( =(

the family asked that donations be made to the Canadian Aliance for Mental Illness or something like that but whatevere the case, I didnt know him well. Sorry my typing is really crazy and i just cant be bothered with correcting it

i am really having a tough time with this.. it's so odd.. just getting something from someone and boom... learning he's gone.. or their gone or whatever

i emailed my therapist and let her know the news

i dont know why it's such a severe impact right now but I guess its because I lost two young friends a month ago.. one to Cystic fibrosis and another mutual friend between her and I to pancreatitis complications! about 2 weeks latter.... strangely enough.. both girls in their 20's.. just i dont know how to say...

i feel like throwing up and kinda scattered about
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catgirlcatgirlMember
BW,

Sorry that you have experienced the loss of two friends recently.

Now, this guy takes his life. I can see how that would cause a lot of confusion for you.

I know that death is part of life and all of that, but death and loss are so much for we humans to bear. We are biologically created to attach, to rely on each other, to need each other. This is what makes us human. The death of a person goes against this, and causes so much confusion. In some ways, death goes against everything that makes us human.

I can relate with you right now, as I am dealing with my own losses.

Hugs to you,
catgirl
butterflywarriorbutterflywarriorMember
(((( )))))) <--- cyber hugs back

thank you for responding once again

i left a message on the memorial page set up for him and his brother emailed me. I was surprised by this and it took me a day to respond as I needed to gather in my head what to say.. express

grief... such a simple word.. only a few letters, one syllable... yet complex, multi layered.. etc ..

Regards

BW
chronicallytransferredchronicallytransferredMember
Hi BW. I'm so sorry for the losses you have experienced as of late. Things like this really can make you question everything. I'm glad you are reaching out here and to your t. Please keep writing and talking through your grief. I know it is hard, but it is something we all have to do.

I'm sorry for what you are struggling with... and am sure it feels a bit like the wind has been knocked out of you... Grief is a small word but a big big deal... i find nothing glorious about the process while in the midst of it... saying goodbye in such a final way is soooo difficult. It's easy to want to fade away and not deal with it but keep reminding yourself of why you can't.

Thinking of you
-ct
butterflywarriorbutterflywarriorMember
thank you all for your support and i wish the same for you all as well


saw my therapist today and just felt very numb. I care alot but I have a terrible time connecting my feelings and emotions outside of the global ones of sadness, depression, anger....

so now she says im repressing them! Oh freud never dies does he!

I do know what she means though however i feel like there is a HUGE steel barrier between my emotitional mind and my intellectual mind... and whatever minds that exist out there within the realms of the brain.

now she wants me to do one of thise CBT chart things... blah.. lol.

i have to write the event down, then thoughts, then feelings and emotions... supposes to use a thesaurus !!! and then behaviors too. ewwww i'm so not INTO this . I get the idea of it but I have done something similar in the past and talk about stuggle in the head. My mind feels dark yet at the same time I have a lot of emotion.. maybe it'smore like I have implicit memory and emotions but explicit, not so much? Not sure if it can be expplained like that.

We are also going to be doing some active desensitiation exposure therapy stuff on my PTSD crap next week. oh goody for me... ugh.... I feel so excited that I feel like throwing up. Maybe I should record that.... ha...

Thanks again for the feedback.

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