SD, you made it!! Good on you. I know you appreciate your T, as you should, she sounds like not only an awesome T but an awesome person. But give yourself tons of credit. It was hard but you hung in there and survived. I just wanted to let you know that I am really happy for you that your wait is over. You did great.
Thanks Becca. Not sure I am feeling that positive or appreciate how hard it was. It feels like something has changed forever.
Even thinking that there is **only** 5 days until I see her. The perspective has all changed. A month ago - waiting 5 days between sessions was traumatic to think about and now it feels like nothing.
Something that TN said has rattled in my brain - that when they come back they will have changed. And that is true. I hadn't thought of it before. Of course they will have changed - they just spent 4 weeks travelling in other countries and have experienced different things. Of course I have changed as I have had big challenges back here and have done it without her.
I wont be the same and she won't be the same.
And I realise that I don't like that.
Somedays.
Even thinking that there is **only** 5 days until I see her. The perspective has all changed. A month ago - waiting 5 days between sessions was traumatic to think about and now it feels like nothing.
Something that TN said has rattled in my brain - that when they come back they will have changed. And that is true. I hadn't thought of it before. Of course they will have changed - they just spent 4 weeks travelling in other countries and have experienced different things. Of course I have changed as I have had big challenges back here and have done it without her.
I wont be the same and she won't be the same.
And I realise that I don't like that.
Somedays.
SD... what I said or thought I said was that my fear was that my T would come back different in some way. My oldT came back with a beard and that took me a few meetings to get used to even though I thought he looked great with it. It was just so unexpected. He was the same otherwise.
My current T (bless him) has always come back the same (well maybe with a suntan LOL). He is exactly how he always was in every way. It was just my fears that I was projecting on him. And believe me I watched him and studied him. He passed the test! We don't really talk about his vacations although I know they are basically golf resorts where he can relax and play golf. Nothing life changing there.
I do believe your T will be the same caring person she always was and the only thing that will change is your growth in getting through a difficult time in better shape than you imagined. Yes, I do know how bad it was in the beginning but once she returns you will have concrete proof that when people leave for a time and say they will come back... they actually DO!
I think you deserve to be proud of yourself and how well you and T worked through this once you got past the bumpy part.
Many hugs
TN
My current T (bless him) has always come back the same (well maybe with a suntan LOL). He is exactly how he always was in every way. It was just my fears that I was projecting on him. And believe me I watched him and studied him. He passed the test! We don't really talk about his vacations although I know they are basically golf resorts where he can relax and play golf. Nothing life changing there.
I do believe your T will be the same caring person she always was and the only thing that will change is your growth in getting through a difficult time in better shape than you imagined. Yes, I do know how bad it was in the beginning but once she returns you will have concrete proof that when people leave for a time and say they will come back... they actually DO!
I think you deserve to be proud of yourself and how well you and T worked through this once you got past the bumpy part.
Many hugs
TN
24 hours.
"You are making huge progress being able to ask for what you need in therapy "
"I do hear and understand your pain"
and the lucky last. Oh so appropriate to finish up on.
"I want to help you find your magnet, direction in life".
The last one has lots of personal meaning in it - it is about me not knowing who I am, not feeling connected to anyone and anything, not not having any direction, any passion, not being attached to people. I describe it when I am SU as not having a magnet to anything to keep me here and alive.
So the final message from her - which was basically picked randomly - was very poignant as the last message.
SD
"You are making huge progress being able to ask for what you need in therapy "
"I do hear and understand your pain"
and the lucky last. Oh so appropriate to finish up on.
"I want to help you find your magnet, direction in life".
The last one has lots of personal meaning in it - it is about me not knowing who I am, not feeling connected to anyone and anything, not not having any direction, any passion, not being attached to people. I describe it when I am SU as not having a magnet to anything to keep me here and alive.
So the final message from her - which was basically picked randomly - was very poignant as the last message.
SD
Somedays,
I love your T. She sounds amazing.
I love your T. She sounds amazing.
Hey RM,
My T is amazing, but it hasn't always been so as we have had many and some serious ruptures. She is committed to me and committed to us and I guess I must mean something to her for her to go to all this trouble.
SD
My T is amazing, but it hasn't always been so as we have had many and some serious ruptures. She is committed to me and committed to us and I guess I must mean something to her for her to go to all this trouble.
SD
my T and i exchanged some texts messages early this morning as she was at an airport with WIFI. I hadnt heard from her in over 4 days. I was awake with a sick child, so I am so happy he woke me at that time!!!!! It meant i checked my phone and my T had just text me. It was magic.
I don't feel anything about her coming home. A bit of "i will see how I feel when I actually see her".
I am tracking her flight - and this has helped me so much. It tells me where the plane is, how long to go etc. It makes such a huge difference - for everyone reading this in the future - I really recommend it. All major airports have a similar thing.
I have 12 hours until I hear from her.
SD
I don't feel anything about her coming home. A bit of "i will see how I feel when I actually see her".
I am tracking her flight - and this has helped me so much. It tells me where the plane is, how long to go etc. It makes such a huge difference - for everyone reading this in the future - I really recommend it. All major airports have a similar thing.
I have 12 hours until I hear from her.
SD
SD 
I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one that tracks my T's flights when they're away!
I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one that tracks my T's flights when they're away!
I am SO glad you wrote that, makes me feel very normal now! 
I see nothing wrong with tracking a flight - a very usual thing for us to do...
I see nothing wrong with tracking a flight - a very usual thing for us to do...