I'm so sorry, I can only imagine how hard that would be. (((hugs)))

yes, that would be horrible. Do you think your T would be willing to do therapy with you via Skype or telephone once she moves?

seablue... sorry I missed this news in all the zaniness in the other thread. I am so so sorry you are having to face this now. I know how hard it is to lose a T under any circumstances. I hope you will talk to us about this and allow us to support you in the coming months. And I certainly hope your T will handle this with grace and help you transition, even offering Skype as LG suggested.

Sending many safe hugs your way
TN

Seablue, it's been just lovely to see you again. I'm really sorry to hear that about your T. xxx

AG, STRM, LG, TN, Jones: Thank you for your warm, kind words.
It has been almost 3 weeks since T told me she will be moving. I've been through tons of emotions which I am sure will continue until she goes and for a while after she is gone - right now I'm pretty convinced I will feel this way forever. At this point it feels like she is dying and has 5 months to live. I really can't comrehend the thought of never seeing her again. She has raised the possibility of some contact for a time after she moves (letters and she even said she will be coming back once or twice a year - so now I have my hopes up that I might get to see her for a session when she is in town), but said she is too emotional and needs to get consultation about it to be sure she is making the best therapeutic decision. I told her she should keep asking her colleuges until someone tells her it would be perfectly OK for her to move in with me. She laughed. We have talked about finding a T that she knows well might ease the transition a little. I (sort of) jokingly asked if we could have skype sessions. She said she would have to learn how to do it. I told her it's not hard. She was joking I think. I know she wouln't do phone sessions because we don't connect well by phone. We do very brief check-in phone calls only.
AG - what you said about the little parts not understanding the boundaries is so true. I feel like those parts are really having trouble understanding why she would choose to leave them. Why she will go with her partner and taking her child(ren) but not me. I am not completely delusional. The adult part understands why she can't adopt me and take me with her, but the terrified little parts feel abandoned. T leaving has always been my biggest fear and now it is happening. I am struggling to silence that inner meanie that keeps saying "of course she is leaving you! What did you think was going to happen, idiot?!" I am so very thankful for this place. People understand the depth of a loss when a person goes through a divorce or a death of someone close, but losing a therapist is not something most people can relate to, let alone fully get. I so appreciate the support and understanding here. I am not convinced that I will survive this pain at this point, but I know I wouldn't survive without all of you. You all do get it. That's enough for now.
seablue

Seablue

I totally get it. I would be so upset if T moved, because I have worked so well, trusted and accomplished so much with her, as well as inevitably really missing her as a person. But the child parts in me that are just learning to trust and talk to her would be devastated I think. They would see that as another abandonment, no matter how differently or logically I saw it.

I am glad you can share your hurt and worries here and that you feel supported and cared for ((((seablue))))

starfish

seablue, i know what you mean, about how nice it is that SOMEONE understands the loss.

you put it well, that the little child feels abandoned. but as an adult, you know....

y'no? that little child doesn't 'get' logic. that is something i have such a hard time accepting. but, the reality is, she doesn't.

i admire that your t is open to dicussing with supervisors the possibilities for extending the relationship. and that she is so open to discussing the vulnerabilities on both sides. i LOVE human t's. and that shows such emotional honesty.

i hope that in these five months you are able to work with her on the best transition for you.

and, i'll keep you in my prayers on this. i can't imaging losing my dr. pa. and i worry about it, as he is older.

so glad to see you back! jill

(((Seablue)))

***Trigger Warning - T Moving***

Starfish & jill, Thank you for your kindness and support. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. Haven't posted much that has been too personal lately and freaked out a little after I did it. T was supposed to have met with her consultation group over the weekend so when I see her tomorrow, I may find out more about the transition plan. Scared it will not be what I hope for.
I also want to acknowledge this topic is extremely triggering, so I want to appologize to anyone who is now more fearful about their T abandoning them.

Seablue I hope all goes well for you tomorrow and that you get what you want and need. Let us know how it goes for you.

Thinking of you
TN

Seablue sorry I have been caught up in my family dramas and therapy roller coaster and not seen this thread. I totally understand what it feels like to have a small child self bereft cos the T is walking away. Oh god, that is what I have been working with since August. My C terminated with me, - just dumped the little child me and refused to address that part of me ever again.

the child is still bewildered, ashamed (of being so bad she had to walk away from me) hurting and lost and scared it will happen with the new P. It caused a hurting right in the centre of my chest (the heart chakra) that was PHYSICAL and REAL - like a it was being burnt by acid, into the size of a hole of a basketball. Agony. I literally physically writhed with it. ( i have since met people who have had their partner die and they have felt the same physical heart centre pain - so it is normal with deep grief)

So i SO feel for you. But I know that your T is moving because of family or work, not because of you. That will help. I hope today that she tells you some things about the transition that will help, I bet she is deeply concerned about how to make this easier for you. I pray that she helps you go through this the easiest way possible. It is a very very hard thing. EAch time I read posts here about enforced or necessary terminations I feel more and more impelled to get us together to write a book of individual chapters on it. The T's alone, need to hear how it affects their clients. And we as clients are helped by hearing how much it hurts for others too.

Good luck today SEablue and hugs. Keep posting so that we can be a support to you.

True North: Thank you! I feel a bit dramatic for carrying on about my T moving when I think of what you have gone through. This is difficult but not nearly as traumatic as your experience. I am so sorry TN and I am so inspired by your strength! If you can survive going through what you are going through, I can do this. Thank you.

Sadly: I am sorry your C abandoned you in such a traumatic way. I too have the physical pain in my chest. It is always so hard for me to believe that other people have survived the pain when it hits. Sometimes I wish it would just take me out!!

I like your idea about the book. I think way too often terminations are about the therapist and not the client. It is so wrong in so many situations and therapists do need to know.

I had a good session with T yesterday. She said after consulting with her group, she feels good about allowing continued periodic contact after she moves - not to do therapy, but to send updates on how I am doing. She also said we could possibly have a session when she is in town but would have to wait to see what makes sense when the time comes. And she talked with the T she is recommending. All of this helps a bit. It amazees me when I think about how painful this is even with all of these things that will help make it easier.

I have felt so much empathy for all of the people here who have endured sudden terminations. So heartbreaking, but I feel it on a whole new level now. I know what I am facing is less difficult and I am so sorry to those who have experienced it. This is bad enough!!!

Seablue... however we lose our Ts it's still a very painful loss and I do not make light of the pain and grief you are suffering too. I am very glad that I could inspire you in some way and/or help you with this transition time in your life. And I KNOW you can do this, because I did and you are just as strong (or stronger) and also because you have a good T who is making your needs a very important part of the transition. She is there for you, even though she is moving away. I'm a very glad and relieved that she is giving this separation the important attention that it deserves.

I'm here if you need to talk.
Hugs
TN