Lately a lot of family problems have arisen and I asked my grandmother to sign me up to see a psychiatrist. I don't have any problems like substance abuse or child abuse or anything like that. I've just always seemed to be a depressed and angry child. My childhood was just really wacky. In all honesty I really can't recall anything from before I was about 12 with 100% accuracy because I wasn't able to tell the difference from when I was dreaming and when I was awake. I do know that I always felt really alone and as if no one really cared for me. My family tells me that I was a really violent child when I was younger before mellowing out. The mellowed out period was when I began bottling up my emotions at 13. The emotions are now too much to bear and I can't keep hiding them so I've pretty much stopped trying. I've been so angry and depressed and frustrated all the time because it feels like I'm just being an ungrateful bitch but I can't seem to shake the stigma that everyone seems to have about me. I can't talk to my family because I feel like they won't take me seriously or, in my sister's case, will just throw it back in face when she gets angry. I don't want to burden my friends with this because they've got problems of their own to deal with. I just feel really lost. I can't make my own decisions anymore and I'm really drowning here and it doesn't feel like anyone really cares. I've been feeling this way for a while now and then yesterday, one of my classmates who was literally the light in every room committed suicide. I keep defending her because I know how it feels to want to end it and I hate that people are calling her stupid or ungrateful because I know how much that darkness can change your normal thoughts. I don't want to end up like her.

I was going to ask the forum's opinion on whether or not I need therapy, but now I'm pretty sure I probably do.