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Seeing old T again after 20 months break

LittlemeLittlemeMember
I am going to see old T again. 20 months since my last appointment with her.
I had been seeing her for 4 years and was very much attached to her and my inner child loved her deeply. Then she accidently hurt little me and the grown up part of me said I should understand she’s only human, everybody can make mistakes. But that made things worse I think. At that time I didn´t understand what was going on. I felt terrible, tried to cope, go to work and do the things I had to do but could not eat, sleep or function. After 3 months I was admitted to the psychiatric ward. Felt that I had to stop seeing T, and the feelings were so overwhelming that I felt the only way out of this was suicide. It has taken me more than a year to pull myself back together.

Now I have e-mailed her and at the end of this month I will see her again.
I´m glad and exited, but I´m also scared, really scared. What if seeing her will stir up all those feelings again?, what if I can´t handle them? How can I explain to her what happened? Will this work? Am I doing the right thing going back?
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LittlemeLittlemeMember
Thank you for the hugs Liese Smiler
I´m so glad to have people here that understand that this is a big thing for me, and not easy.
I can feel that the people around me do not understand.

You are right that it is good that I understand ahead of time that this might become difficult, maybe I will be better prepared. I can feel little me inside me jumping up and down because she is so happy that she is meeting oldT again, she is saying HUURRAY!!! with her hands up in the air. Good that the grown up me is there also a bit more rational

I think I should talk to old T about my worries when I meet her, didn´t do that in the e-mails I have sent to her.
I will meet new T end of this week. He has been on a 5 week summer vacation, I´ll talk to him about this too, I´m sure he will support me. But I´m not sure for how long I will see oldT and newT.

Thank you again for the hugs and respond Liese

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