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seeking saftey

butterflywarriorbutterflywarriorMember
so, My last session went pretty well. I was surprised. She was on time, for the first time... lol... of course, she did appologize and explain what happened the prior 3 times and I found it fine... just thought it was funny cause she made a bigger deal out of it than I did. Anyways, I shared with her that my primary care appt. didn't go well... being put on more meds... some progressions in my illness... it sucks.... adrine is cool in the sense that she tries to understand and uses her empathy well but it's obvious that she really doens't Get it! I know it's hard.... she isn't sick.... she's healthy as a horse.... and I just miss that true understanding I had from Holly.

To make a long one hour session short...

I did manage to tell her that I'm really having difficulty dealing with the fact that she has so much knowledge of me through my record and I don't know her. It's very scary for me.

we established several therapy goals covering my mood, insomnia, anxiety and trauma issues. She said that saftey is of of upmost importance before pushing on trauma work so we will save that for latter and work on some of the other stuff like depression, etc...

This sounds like a great plan to me. I don't know if it was just my perception however, I felt like she was much more relaxed than usual and I felt this too... in me. That was nice.

I even told her about my teddy bear I used to take with me to therapy and the one I sleep with that helps me feel safe!!

Does anyone else have a stuffy that helps them feel better with triggers or whatever other issues trhey have???????

She told me she 'had' a stuffy dog.... and so I said.. 'had??'... lol..... she said.. well.. umm... and than I interrupted and said.. oh yeh.. you're married.. so... i guess that means your husband probably said he's the stuffed dog now! I think she got a little embarrassed..heheh. YAY.... haha... fun to get your therapist back a little, eh???

What are some things that people do for helping themselves process their sessions?? I try to journal about the session soon as I can after.... sometimes i can't write much so I wil take brief notes to try and recall certain things that stand out. I often come out and can't rememeber what was discussed? Anyone else experience this? Why?? Or why do you think??? I'm so curious about this..... I assume it has something to do with the degree of emotional activation but than what...

So that's all for now...
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ShrinkladyShrinkladyHead Shrink
Way to go on bringing up the subject of your records! I hope she helped you to see that it was a valid concern.

I used to have the same experience (i.e. forgetting) when I first started my SRT although I generally don't forget anymore. I believe it's because as my activation has come down I'm more present and I can remember more.

One thing that really helped me with my current therapist (she doesn't do SRT but uses some body-based techniques) is that I made a point of asking her--several times at the beginning--to interrupt me during the session and have me check in to my body and to bring awareness to the momemt. I do this all the time with my clients so I wanted it with my own therapy.(I wrote a bit about it here: Counseling and Resistance)

This really helps as it gives me pause to reflect. I also happen to believe that it's an effective way to change emotional patterns.

That's great that you process after the session. I should do that too. I imagine it would reinforce whatever I got from it.

You had asked about processing ideas. I imagine if you get your body into a more relaxed state immediately after your session like with a hot bath, it would help you to process deeper. I'd try to get into the "feeling state" of the session (i.e. shifting into right brain).

Take care,
Shrinklady
P.S. I have a Gund teddy bear and he now has a family!
ShrinkladyShrinkladyHead Shrink
Hey welcome back Dude. Well yes, you bet I go to therapy. I'm trying to make it a big point on the site...everybody has their stuff and that includes me.

I feel every therapist should go to therapy. If they really believe in the power of it, I can't see why they wouldn't.

And, for me personally I know that one of the fastest ways to have greater consciousness, is through an experience with another person. I feel so much more conscious these days compared to even a couple years ago. I just want more of it.

I believe, my nervous system is benefiting from the nervous system of my therapist. I wrote a bit about it in the Holistic Psychoherapy and Neurobiology. This is also why you need a grounded therapist.

So this is one of the major reasons I go...I become more conscious and I can manage my activation better.

Thanks for asking aobut SRT. Self-Regulation Therapy is a body-based therapy. So as I was saying earlier, my T will have me pause and check into my body sensations. Can't say enough about it and I love to talk about.

Take care,

Shrinklady
thedudethedudeMember
Thanks for the 'welcome back'. It was a great holiday for the most part... the weather got a bit crapy up north though. We did visit an old friend on our way back 'south'. And, the 'host' disclosed her dx! This friend wanted to meet one of us insiders so we had a 'volunteer' named Samy (a teen girl). Later, when we were all talking (host, friend and hubbie) I came out very briefly, and amazingly of all... she noticed it wasn't 'host' talking ! That was very insightful of her as I was very brief. I always find that interesting... when people finally realize there is a 'we' that they pick up quickly who is who. Or more... who ISNT who. Some can do this easier than others.

I always find it interesting that T's have their own T. I liken it to a mechanic having his own mechanic!

One last thought for now... our 'host' is thinking of going back to school to get a Masters in Counselling Psychology. Interesting... she wants to work with young kids. If anyone has any info. on the reputation of different universities they can PM me (HA! did anyone figure out how to do this?) Just kidding... comment away! Any help is appreciated!

More later.

dude
thedudethedudeMember
I"mi not clear what you mean by a 'greater consciousness' maybe a greater 'conscience' though!! (hehe...) I just read a bit about SRT 9though with our 4 girls and a friend over of their's it's hard to concentrate! I can't WAIT until school is back for them!) And found it interesting. However, the last time i did some 'relaxing - see how your body is feeling - type - stuff' with my T I flipped out! I mean, if my 'fight' is gone, what do I have left?

Dude
M myshrinkeditorShrinklady
Hi Dude, "try it you'll like it" Smiler ...working with fight energy is awesome for reducing your activation

I've had heard that comment before...that "I'll lose my anger". In fact, I addressed it in the manual I'm writing for squeeze balls.

But channeling fight energy out of your body won't take away your anger but the anger will be more manageable. Over time, it'll actually help to make you more assertive. And, you'll think clearer.

Like, have you ever been really mad about something and later felt that was too much energy for it? Working somatically with fight, takes the edge off it.

When I tell clients that I used to have an anger problem they are so shocked. And I understand it because I don't look like I would. But, when there's too much trauma in the nervous system and you start to come out of freeze, anger or flight is what's going to happen.

tata,
Shrinklady
P.S. Consciousness is very hard to describe...like trying to describe floating in water if you've never done it before. But here's my latest on it: A higher state of consciousness
thedudethedudeMember
""As I have become less dissociative, I have more moments of being "in my body".

What an interesting thing to say! Especially for us here with DID :P

I believe I got to this site from your squeeze ball my T had (which I used briefly) and a pin or something she had ... with the reptile on it.

I'm not keen on 'squeeze balls' I'd rather plow someone in the face :P ok... actually I'm rather gentle. Still trying to figure out the 'let go of anger' thing here. I still think that anger keeps me going, and lack of anger will have a negative effect on me.

Did I tell you I'm thinking of going on a 'field trip' with my T to a bee farm? Don't have the details yet but I'll keep y'all posted.

Dude
D Debra (Guest)
Butterfly Warrior & Shrinklady:

I too have a "stuffie"....Buddy is his name and he has a velcro opening where I have stored some of my mothers cremains (ashes)....Sorry if that sounds gross.....Since I had never quite bonded/connected with my mother while she was alive, I thought this might be a way of finding a spiritual(or whatever term may apply here) connection through placing her in my teddy that accompany's and comforts me in those moments that I am in need of comfort, support or simply someone to tell my troubles to....He/She/They listens really well, never interupts and seems to love me unconditionally (LOL).....and have never betrayed me, not even once......

Still recovering from my visit to New York....
Deb
ps...Have found my "Waking the Tiger" book...and have started reading the intro....
butterflywarriorbutterflywarriorMember
Dude-

So funny you find it funny about T with T because I think any healthy therapist SHOULD have therapy if not more than once in their life. Many accredited programs require that you get persona therapy before graduating!! I have encountered this requirement in another programs I have been thinking of applying to! I know that many therapist I have worked with or around in terms of as my professors or mentors have all gone through or currently have therapy as a means of personal growth. It's a relief to me that they do go.. well those that go.. .because.. everyone is human... and even knowing so much about human behavior... doesn't mean you can recognize your own behaviors or even know how to address them.. with yourself...

I don't know..... It's logical to me but I guess some people find it quite shocking too...

I had one therapist that told me she is a real believer in therapy. She was my therapist and i think she read my mind because I did see her as kinda like... really stable.. like.. yeah right.. had to be short term therapy... right after i thoight that.. she added.. both long term and short term therapy.... lol.... such is life... I was a little surprised.... I had to think about why i felt that way and why was it significant.... whatever the case, I was glad she told me... it didn't make me feel so bad about the fact that I had been seeing her for like 4 years and was possibly going to continue therapy after graduation at the time.. (which I did.. and still am... ).

Okay.. random... if i don't make sense.... i blame it on my pain meds.. lol.
ShrinkladyShrinkladyHead Shrink
Hi everyone,

Nice to see you back Butterfly Warrior.

Just to add my thoughts to this discussion...one of the things I'm trying to raise awareness about how we perceive therapy is that there is a more effective way to change our behaviours than is traditionally thought and it has enormous benefits beyond what people normally go to therapy for e.g. anxiety and depression. But it's hard to describe briefly in words...

I suspect many people think of going to therapy this way: they will discuss their problems and then the therapist will make suggestions about what to do to change them. Then they will have to do their darndest to change the offensive behaviour with the support of a therapist--which is often helpful.

This certainly is a part of therapy. And, the benefit I see with this aspect of therapy is that you can become more aware of problems areas. However, changing those behaviours...in a way that's integrated and embodied is a different matter.

Because this kind of thinking suggests that once I become aware (with or without the therapist's help) if I read a lot of books and really understand what healthy behaviours look like, and I apply real effort, I can change myself...in effect...I don't need therapy (or another significant relationship). However, the way the brain is functions it isn't that simple.

So many people think they can just apply their will to change their problem behaviours. And it's generally perceived that people who can't change this way are weak. We know from neuroscience that it isn't that simple.

There's something else going on in therapy that is more effective in changing behaviours or feelings about oneself. We learn best by experience and in the moment. It isn't so much about becoming aware of our problem behaviours and trying to change them, it's about having an experience that changes the brain.

This is why I emphasize the therapeutic relationship and also somatic therapy. They allow you to have an experience.

So back to why I go to therapy. I go so that I can experience myself differently, in a more expanded way, freer, more creative. I've mentioned this before, but I could never have been so public as I am with this website if I hadn't had the somatic therapy I had...not to mention the help of a couple very fine therapists. (I remember when I first posted live on the net...I was so tied up in knots.)

Just curious, does this make sense to you guys?
Suzanne
ShrinkladyShrinkladyHead Shrink
Hi Butterfly Warrior, sorry, I didn't follow your train of thought earlier. You were right, it was a bit of a tangent...I get inspired and there I go!

I read in one of your posts that you found "exposure therapy" yukky. I can really relate to your comments about it. Actually, I get quite worked up about the subject. I think too often "exposure therapy" is actually "flooding". And, in my books flooding isn't good for the nervous system.

Exposure therapy doesn't have to feel yukky if it's titrated. But I can't imagine using it without knowing what's going on inside someone, which is what I get when I use somatic therapy.

Problem is, exposure therapy works. But not in the way that's always beneficial. I hope you don't find yourself in a similar situation.

If you permit to go on a bit of tangent...for years behaviour therapy (the basis for exposure therapy) was the rationale for letting babies cry themselves to sleep. It worked! They stopped crying and each night they cried less and less. Problem is, they weren't recognizing that the babies were becoming docile. In effect, they were becoming depressed or as some practitioners might say, they were going into dorsal.

Behaviour therapy is based on good science. It's the application of its principles that I have a problem with. Not enough measures are taken to look at the whole person to see the impact of an intervention.

I think we're wired to avoid fear inducing stimuli for good reason. And, when we're ready, we step into the change. It doesn't need to be forced. And getting to that point of readiness, comes about with safety. Until that reptilian brain is safe, it will work against efforts that are contrary to what it feels is survival related.

So what am I questioning with the baby example above? How do we know that your fears aren't going underground where they might be harmful to you in other ways? I've certainly seen people become more activated once they've been flooded, which is what exposure therapy does.

So, I was glad to hear that you didn't like it. I'd say that's good instincts.

Well, that's my rant for the day,

Take care,
Shrinklady
butterflywarriorbutterflywarriorMember
Thank you ... this response makes a lot of sense to me as to why exposure therapy can be difficult to handle... the activation..... etc, etc...

strangely enough.... i did notice that it helped me more than symptom management.... I need more core work I guess so I just recently made the decision to start back to working on trauma with my therapist.. ugh.. i'm not 100% eager about this but it seems to be the only thing I can think of right now besides just giving up..
ShrinkladyShrinkladyHead Shrink
Don't get me wrong Butterfly Warrior--just to clarify my earlier remarks...when I said I didn't like exposure therapy, I meant when it is used in a way that doesn't include the somatic sensations associated with the stimulus. When we experience a stimulus in a "titrated" way, it is much easier for the nervous system to process. And there is less danger of creating a negative side effect.

I use exposure therapy all the time. But it's titrated. Whenever I question a client what they notice after talking about something difficult, I am in a sense using "exposure therapy". I am asking them to re-experience part of it. I use how they respond to decide whether to move forward or create a more balanced state.

Shrinklady
butterflywarriorbutterflywarriorMember
I understood what you meant but thanks for the clarification Smiler

You know, I've always wondered why my therapist always question so much about what you're feeling/thinking after talking about activating material... lol.... I mean.. I sorta guessed in some ways it's helping one become more present with the material as well as with the safeness of the current environment but also in another way, it was almost slightly amusing like... right.. I feel great!!! uh huh... yeh right... lol...

I think the biggest issue for me is how I feel some hours latter.. not right after or during but like... latter that evening... that's always the problem area for me.

Dude- if you read these... do you or anyone else find this to be the case too or not?

We need more people on this board... I need to start spreading the word about it among some communities I belong to.. I just haven't been much with 'it' lately...
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