Hi Lizzygirl,
Umm, you're T spending half an hour talking about his vacation is about 29 minutes too much. He has friends (or should) that he can talk to about his vacation. The longest conversation I've even had with my T about his vacations lasts a minute (and only that long because he had a grandchild!). Therapy is about your needs and your concerns. Most Ts will self disclose enough to give a brief answer about vacation but there are many who wouldn't even go that far.

As far as talking about other patients, I can see where that gets old! I hate knowing my T has other patients let alone having to hear about them. Again, my T has done this, shared a story about another patient, but they've always been very brief (a minute or two at most) and directly pertinent to what we're discussing, which is me trying to understand my stuff, not someone else's. Could he be trying to covertly impress you with what he considers to be his success stories? That would seem to fit with you hearing stories over and over and feeling like they don't fit. Just my two cents and take it with a grain of salt since I really don't know your T, but I did want to answer.

You need to bring up both these issues to him in your session, it's a very legitimate topic for discussion that you feel like a significant part of your sessions is being spent NOT addressing your issues. The boundaries work both ways to protect both people. We agree to limiting contact to our session times and in return that session time is about us and only us. And I really get your concern about what he is saying about you to other patients, confidentiality is extremely important. When my T tells a story about another patient, he barely admits their gender, let alone anything else. I think all of your concerns are reasonable and need to be addressed.

AG

Hi lizzygirl,
I agree wholeheartedly with attachmentgirl.
It is your time, and since you are paying him, and he is the professional,he needs to respect that. Maybe he just needs a gentle reminder.

Well, I'm counting down the days...one more week and I see him after his 5 week vacation.
I will have to indulge him as a trek in the Himalayas is not an everyday experience and Im interested to hear about it. I'm sure he will give me some extra time. One time he had been away for a while and we kind of squandered the session between the both of us...hard to get back into things and he offered me another session that week free. But, your points are well taken. I think a gentle reminder about other patients is called for. I do think he has a big ego and tries to impress. I guess after 30 years of it, Its hard not to share some of it.

I completely agree with AG as well. I hope that you can find resolution to this issue with your T. Good luck next week!

lizzygirl,

Well done for surviving 4 weeks - how was it? Worse or easier than you feared? It doesn't seem like a month since your post as he left, but probably feels more to you no doubt.

I can see your dilemma - my T travels too and her stories are really interesting, but we will ften save the chat for the end of a session when there is nobody following - and she will not charge for that time, so I am glad he gives you that time back.

It's interesting about the 'other clients' stuff. My T has very occasionally told me of other women with specific issues related to me, mainly when I feel that I am on my own in the world with this. It does help a bit, but in all the years I've seen her, only has done it once or twice and certainly no detail more that they being female. I wouldn't mind her telling someone about me if I thought it might help them - but I know she would likewise never reveal anything to betray my confidentiality.

Lizzygirl - one week to go. Hang in there, you've done really well,

starfish

Lizzygirl just going to echo Starfish's words and say well done for hanging in there these last weeks - not long to go now till he's back!

It sounds like you've been doing some thinking about your sessions over the time he's been away - I can see me getting caught up in a similar situation with someone as charismatic as your T sounds - who wouldn't be drawn into wanting to hear about his interesting life and his other clients? But in the end as you are realizing, it's YOUR time, YOUR money and it should be about YOU.

I hope you are able to talk to him about this when you see him next (or the time after maybe?) i expect you will feel so pleased just to see him again that any criticisms will fly out the window

Hope you are doing ok.

Lamplighter

Thanks everyone for your support. I received an email from T today from Katmandu! He said,
"hang in there" so he knows somewhat how I have struggled. I see him on Tuesday...cant wait.
Maybe I will get another hug! It has been long
for me, but I have had the support of my P who has been willing to see me a couple of times
during his absence. Without him, I really would be a wreck. I told T I have kept a journal of my day to day life, so he can catch up on what things have been like for me. Kind of hard to fit that all into one session and I know I will forget to tell him a lot of stuff that he might find helpful to know. I will end my journal this weekend with a simple P.S. I missed you.

Good on you Lizzygirl! Not long to go now ...

Lamplighter