I am a big Austen fan and occasionally re-read her books (btw, there is a wonderful omnibus of all her writing available in Kindle format at Amazon for only $1.99: Jane Austen: The Complete Collection (With Active Table of Contents) ) and I just finished re-reading Sense and Sensibility.
And something really struck me this time in reading it (it's why I love to re-read Austen, I seem to get different things each time) which is the contrast in indulging in our feelings and exerting ourselves to master our feelings. For those who are not familiar, the story is about two sisters: Marianne and Elinor. Marianne is deeply sensitive and passionate, and disdains people who actually have calmer feelings as not really being worthwhile. Elinor is more temperate, and although she feels as deeply as Marianne, is also committed to regulating those feelings so as to not impose on the people around her.
The books opens with the loss of their father and it is here where we first see their differing methods contrasted. Marianne deliberately seeks out situations that deepen and intensify her feelings of grief, such as playing the music her father loved. Elinor was left to handle necessary arrangements such as dealing with dismissing servants, finding a new place to live and even interacting with her half-brother and sister-in-law (who now owned the estate where they grew up) because she felt it was important to master her own feelings.
As the book progresses we see both women fall in love and handle the situations very differently, again with Marianne being incredibly indulgent in how she handles her feelings, while Elinor always strives to regulate hers.
So what really hit me while reading this, as I am in the midst of a five week break with my T, was that no matter how justified my feelings are and deserving of compassion (there are really good reasons for why I find it difficult to do without my T for five weeks), how I treat those feelings is still within my control. So like Marianne, I could dwell on my fear and my pain and seek out things that would intensify those feelings. Or like Elinor, I can strive to place my feelings in proper context (my fear is misplaced, and I am not really in danger during my Ts absence) and exert myself so that I can find space between me and my feelings and try to hang onto reality. There are varying degrees of success with this strategy and it doesn't stop the feelings from coming, but I must admit that it feels more productive to engage in activity that helps me move through the time, rather than seek out that which will only make it worse by dwelling too much on his absence.
Anyway, I found it helpful to think along these lines of exerting myself from a feelings standpoint and pass it along in case anyone else finds it helpful (or is a fellow Austenphile.
)AG
