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5 replies

Sense of Humor

E effedMember
I wish my T would laugh at my jokes. I love reading the "funny moments" thread, but I have to admit that it evokes a pang of jealousy. I think sharing a laugh is profoundly connecting, and I feel like I'm missing out on something huge. I am a fan of dry wit mingled with sarcasm, and it drives me crazy when T doesn't "get it". Or perhaps I am just not funny as I think I am... but in every day conversations, I can usually milk a chuckle out of people.


I am unsure about whether, and how, to bring this to her because it seems like this is just an element of her personality that won't necessarily change. At the same time, it doesn't seem "important enough" to make it into an issue. Like, dumping her over sense of humor incompatibility feels like overkill. On the whole, she strikes me as competent but a bit tightly wound. Do I just have to live with it? Maybe in more time the humor will come??? What do y'all think?

effed
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H hopefulMember
Hi effed,
I can see what you mean. I personally like to have a little laugh with my T...I would not enjoy having a T who didn't laugh...when I first went there was nothing to laugh at. I don't know how long you've been seeing her but throw some jokes out there and she might respond...maybe she has a "dry" sense of humor which is always funny. I feel like mine is quite competent but she wouldn't be her without jokes sometimes. I wouldn't bring it up just yet...give it a bit of time and just use your own quirky jokes and see what happens. I hope she lightens up as she sees you making jokes.
E effedMember
Thank you hopeful, Cat, and Alpaca for your replies Smiler


Cat, you have a good point about the defense mechanism.... Good intuition on your part Smiler Yes at times I can be pretty self deprecating, and the lack of laughter on the other side definitely has the effect of bringing that defense into sharp focus.

I hate to admit this, but there was even a time when in the waiting area, I heard T laughing through the door with what I think was a friend. (Could have been a client I suppose, but I don't think so...) It kind of shook me... it cut like a knife.

Oh what a rollercoaster this is....
divadivaMember
Hey Effed, I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I definitely use humor as a defense mechanism as well, but my T always saw right through it. One particular session, I was trying to come off like everything was fine and dandy and I was joking around and being silly, but T had to ruin it lol. She looked at my kindly but sternly and basically said to cut the bull and that I couldn't pull that type of stuff with her. I still use humor to try and kind of play things off but T is quick to know when it is genuine and when I'm trying to pretend like everything is ok. If you're really being genuine with your humor, I would say to maybe mention it to your T and let her know that this is something thats been bothering you and you feel like she doesn't really get you and that it feels like she's trying to resist that connection. Let us know how everything goes! Big hugs to you!

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