Passionfruit,

I've not had to go that long ever but I'm currently in a situation where I don't get to see my T for individual therapy anymore. Just couples work. What I've found is that the intensity of the feelings for T diminishes as you spend time apart. I'm sure the first few weeks will be the worst and by the end of the separation you may be wondering if you really want to go back to 2x a week therapy.

Good Luck,

Jillann

Hi Passionfruit (and welcome)

My experience has been similar to what Jillann describes. Initially, the separation feels almost unbearable. Then, after a bit, it gets easier, isn't the main focus of the day. And yes, by the end of the time apart, you might wonder if you even want to go back... to all that pain that is the work of therapy for attachment trauma.

Are there supports that you can build into those 11 weeks?

Another counselor to check in with. No, it won't be the same, but sometimes it helps just to be able to talk about what you feel in the moment.

A support group? There are 12-step groups in many flavors: CODA for codependency and relationship issues, WW for eating disorders, AA/NA for substance abuse, ACOA for people who grew up with substance using caretakers - or simply a dysfunctional home situation. If you have a NAMI group in your area, they may have support groups. Also DBSA is welcoming of anyone with a mental illness, not just depression and bipolar.

Of course, the Psych Cafe is open 24/7 and usually you'll find someone here to "talk" with.

Hi Jillann,

Thank you for your response! I'm so relieved to hear that it can get easier over time. I would be thrilled if I were able to go back to 1x/week sessions and not be in so much pain all the time. Thanks for sharing!

PassionFruit

Thanks for the welcome Red Tomato! I'm so thankful to have found this group.

I often wonder even now why I subject myself to all the pain of working through attachment trauma. I thought yesterday for a long while how life was before therapy started. This is some of the hardest work of my life.

Thanks for telling me about all those groups. I had no idea they existed!

I am waiting for a 12 week CSA group to start in my area. They need a few more people before they can start. I'm hoping it's soon. I have a back-up T that specialized in CSA and I'm still debating if I will see her for a short-term stint. I'm not sure I have the energy to start work with a new T.

Otherwise, I am plugged into a small group at church. I also mentor a group of college kids where we have a close group of girls that shares all kinds of issues. I'm pretty well connected, but the longing for my T is the thorn in my flesh at the moment.

I can see myself "living" on this website for the next few months.

PassionFruit

Hi Passionfruit,

I have often "lived" here for extended periods! Saved my life.

I wish I could tell you that the separation gets better, it hasn't for me. Well maybe it has but things are always changing and it is hard to compare.

I never know whether I am learning to handle the separations or just shutting down and blocking feelings for T out. I smiled when I read that at first the pain is bad but by the end of the separation I feel that I never need therapy any more and why the hell do i need to go twice a week!!

It then all comes flooding back. It is a horrible pain.

SD

Hi SD,

Thanks for sharing. Over the past year, separation has never gotten easier for me either. I think some days the pain is less than others, but it never really goes away. It truly is horrible pain. It's so hard to explain to others when they ask why I'm in so much pain. I just say, "Life. Stuff." I really am thankful for this group where we do understand each other.

I had a good session today, so I'm trying to hold on to the good for as long as I can. Hope you can find some relief, too.


PF