I half expected Steven to greet me and say T wasn’t well again. Instead he came out the door and gave me a hug. I could tell he had been crying, but he was smiling too. "Had a good session did you mate?" He told me he had. That he had laughed, cried and bumped his Ma off over and over. I looked at T then, and asked him if I could have what Steven just had.

As soon as I sat in the chair that feeling of safe to feel came over me. I was aware of having no thoughts, just a full head and rage in my gut. I started to project it on to T for doing his disappearing act a fortnight ago, and then mouth sounded off about every other wrong in the world. After that, I was ready to transfer that rage towards the real culprit, Ma.

Hypno had me in space again. I told T there was no sense of home for me out there. That I was an insignificant me with no sense of needs being fulfilled, and no Ma. And my sense of travelling forward was therapy itself. I became angry then, and 'saw' an image of my mothers face along side my universe of Ma. Her face was paper thin and mask like. Her look was hostile, and mocking. I told him she wanted me gone.

My family sensed there was something different about me. That I had a hope of happiness, and they wanted to destroy that hope. They did when they killed my spirit.

I felt for my lighter then, and pretended to burn that moon like image of Ma's face. Poof! She went.

I told him I was at the edge of my universe then. I kept falling to another edge, and another. It felt like rejection each time I fell. And each time I fell I felt the safety of me still sitting in the chair.


I was put in a cage at birth, and the wild child hated it. All her normal instincts were repressed along with the rage within. Wild birds often don’t survive being caged. I did, just.

Sitting at the traffic lights, I watched a brown pigeon and imagined me asking it if its life had been happy. I know what that tiny feathered brain would have said.




" Look deep into nature then you will understand everything better.".........

Albert Einstein




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