Anna, I think I understand how you feel about emails. I email my therapist sometimes between sessions, and my emails tend to be lengthy, since I like to write. I don't do it all the time, but I tend to do it in chunks, when I am in the middle of an intense period or event. For example, when I visited my parents the last couple of times I emailed her extensively, and she responded with short encouraging emails.

Most of the time she does not respond, unless I am asking a specific question. Sometimes she brings some part of what I've written up, which can be jarring. Even though she does not write much in response, I have had anxiety over emailing her and have offered to pay her for her reading time. She refused that, saying that she liked when I emailed her and that she tried to get to my writings before I came in because it gives her an idea about how I am coping.

I check with her from time to time because it still causes me anxiety. This last session nearly made me panic because she did not read what I wrote before I came in--first time. At first I told her to delete it and not worry about it, but she refused. I asked her to do this a few times, for exactly the reason you mentioned: fear that it might be too much. She continued to refuse, and I finally said, "Fine, just read it right now, then." There were only a couple of minutes left in the session, but she said "Okay" and got right to it. That was kind of excruciating. I suppose it ended up good, though. She encouraged me to continue to write, which I have been doing--but I don't think I will email it to her before our next session. I might print it out and take it in.

Anyway, I totally get, I think, your anxiety because I have had it continuously. However, if he has said it is okay for you to email him, then setting and/or keeping that boundary is really his job. Have you asked him how he feels about it? Do you have a sense that he is annoyed?

It is a hard thing to worry about, isn't it? Funny that something that can really help with anxiety also provokes so much of it!

Anna, I went and looked back at your previous post to refresh my memory, and now your anxiety over whether to email between sessions makes more sense. I hope that he is being kinder than he was and that you are doing well.

I still believe it is his job to set that boundary, though. Did something he did or said make you feel weird about emailing, if you don't mind my asking?

Hi Exploring

My T said it was ok, but he could not always reply, But I know my T well now and he knows me well, and I usually am just making a „contact“if I am feeling bad, and send a short mail like - have a good weekend, or I did something great, like did good in my exam or something, But sometimes he does not remember that he said this or that was ok, and he gets annoyed,

„Did something he did or said make you feel weird about emailing, if you don't mind my asking? „ He said I was to depended on him, well I feel like its not the reason, I do respect him and like to get his advice, but I don’t need my T approval on things, but I need support in some areas, like advice about my teenage child. My T said it was better to meet every 2 week and I could use mail if something was not ok, 1 week was to much , so now I am trying to see if I don't send him mail if it makes a diffrence, if he is tired or something of me, I don´t want to be to much of a burden on anybody,

Exploring can I ask how often do you see your T , have been with her a long time, .. Just curios ..

Anna, it sounds like a confusing dynamic in your relationship with your T. I'm sorry, if that is the case. Maybe you can double-check with him? One idea is to bring a notebook with you, and write down important things he tells you, such as something like "It is okay to send short messages once or twice a week to touch base." If you carry a therapy notebook with you, you can use it to clarify stuff that comes up.

Just a thought. I don't like that he is inconsistent, though. Really, he is supposed to be an example of consistency, to the best of his ability. Perhaps he is trying to be that.

I don't mind you asking at all. I went to therapy for a few years, then took a long break (four or so years.) When my life got more intense than I felt I was handling well, I contacted her and asked if I could come back. That was about three years ago. Once I stopped, during that time, because I could not afford the sessions--I stopped very precipitiously when I got a large bill that I thought insurance was supposed to cover. I went back a few months later. When I got into another sticky situation financially, I asked her about it, and she said she wanted me to continue seeing her even if I could not pay for a time. I had told her that I could go to my university counseling center, but she felt like it was the ethical thing for her to do to offer to continue my care. I did not end up doing this, but I appreciated her willingness to continue to see me. I can see by your experience, though, that that seems to confuse things, am I right about that?

I currently go weekly. Sometimes I go to every two weeks, but the last couple years have been intense and I don't feel like every two weeks is enough for me. I actually would like to go twice a week, but am functioning okay with once a week, so I'll probably stay with this for now.

Do you feel like the emailing thing is something you can ask about, or would you rather just not "rock the boat"? Sounds like a tough spot; I'm sorry you've had to go through it.

Hi again , I can ask my T again about the mail beetween sessions. Its ok now about the money issue. But I feel really in this moment that I need 1 week session. I see my T in few days ,and then I get to know more, I can't fight him anymore about how long beetween seesions  . So I see what my T says.. I really am happy about all the I have had , but I feel sometimes he had enough. And then I see my T in next session and he is then ok. maybei because we know each well he let me see T true feeling, tiredness and often happyness also .

That sounds good about the emails. I hope you'll let us know how it goes. :-)