I feel like I can breathe again but also feel scared about being a bit in denial about her impending move. I was soooo happy to see her.....and also wanted to push her away like a tantruming 2 year-old. I told T about the T that forgot about me last week. I was actually surprised her reaction was as intense as it was....maybe not huge on the spectrum, but she normally discloses very little if anything, so big for her. I told her how humiliating the experience was. I told her I was mad and I wanted her to be mad too. She said she was and that she was feeling protective instincts like the ones mom's get when their kids are overlooked at daycare -- "oh, no!! You are NOT going back to that daycare!!" She was clear about them being her feelings to manage but wanted me to know how disapointed she felt for me and with the T who did it. She said she would call the T to find out what happened, so I am curious about how that will go. She also said she had 2 more Ts that she knew well and trusted enough for me, and encouraged me to meet with all of them to see where I felt most comfortable with. I told her I needed to drag my feet for a week first. She smiled and said ok.
I told her I had wanted so badly to email her to tell her about what happened. I was surprised when she disclosed that she had to resist the urge to email me to find out how it went. I asked why she would resist that and she said because it would have been about her. I told her I also really wanted to email her, so I would have felt better if she had. She said then it would be up to me to contact her. I hate that because I still am so uncertain about outside of session contact. I told her I had wanted to email her or call her but wanted to respectfully leave her alone while she was on vacation. She acknowleged it was definitely in her gray area which she says is bigger than many Ts, but that it would have felt appropriate because what happened was a really big deal. It also felt good to know that she had been watching the clock at the time I was supposed to be meeting the other T and hoping it was goin well.
I was a little surprised that by the end of my session the anger was pretty much gone and I was left with a feeling of safety and calm. I am still feeling that some, but the fear and anxiety are creeping in tonight. Why does she have to move???
Oh *cringe*....and.....I am pretty embarassed to admit that I actually said to her today that she is a feminist, so she should just tell her partner no...she would not move! She looked at me with a big smile...not sure what that meant. Maybe that I was behaving like a 3 year-old again....
Anyway, I am feeling much better since my session.
Thank you so much for your support everyone!! You are all so wonderful!
seablue
(I think her smile was probably her feeling flattered that you cared enough to try and talk her out of it, AND impressed by the argument you came up with. No 3 year old!)