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Sex and Relationships: How old is too old?

C ctMember
Guys,
I'm 39 years old and have never dated or had sex!! Am I too old to not have experienced these things? Yes I've been interested in girls; I've fantasied about certain ones, I've even tried to date a female co-worker a few years back but she was taken. I've never tried to get with anyone else though. Why you may ask?; I'm not sure. I'm basically not a happy person and I don't think I can bring that in a relationship. I've struggled with low self-esteem and depression all my life!! I've struggled with my spirituality as well all my life. Recently my brother asked me, like he does every year, have I found a girl yet. I told him no and he said I give the same answer every year. I said that I'll keep giving the same answer until I'm ready to date. He asked how old I am and I said it doesn't matter.
I'm currently ready "Relationships For Dummies" self-help book. I borrowed it years ago as a library book and now I'ved decided to buy my own copy. I've read other self-help material before also but I'm not counting on any of them to make me ready to start dating. But now that I'm almost 40 and still struggling with my issues, I can't help but feel hopeless about my life!!!! Can anyone relate?
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smileysmileyMember
CT - age is only a number. I am.... well never mind..... but I was a very late bloomer. Never really felt quite comfortable dating. I also have a trauma background. I have been in a relationship now for the past 15 years. It is not great, but it works. I think it's just me. I don't trust easy and I don't give a whole lot either I think when it comes to letting down my castle walls. It's just something you do if you want.
Just because everyone else wants to see you dating, you need tol do what's comfortable for you. Who says you even have to date the same person? If you want company, you find company. If you don't - you don't.
Just wanted to let you know I was listening.

Smiley
jonesjonesMember
Hi CT,

I guess I don't have much experience with this but I want to say that there are other things in my life that I have done in not-the-conventional-way. I just think you are yourself, and you have this life and experience that is unique to you, so there's no reason timetables that suit other people should suit you. You have to do it the way it works for you - having relationships and sex when you are ready and want to. There will be things you have experienced in your 39 years that no one else has. These are yours for yourself, and yours to offer in a relationship when and if you feel like it. But your experiences are worth honouring, whatever they are. Being able to honour your own experiences really helps with relating to others, too.

Good luck - keep us posted. If you are going to start dating it will be quite an adventure!

Jones

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