Jenny I think I would feel exactly the same way as you do if I was in your situation. Probably worse. I would be jealous and uncomfortable about T seeing my friend, and guilt for being selfish about my friend..

I'll give you the most common (and most wise?) advice from this forum: talk about it with your T.

Because it's a valid issue: what happens if your friend wants to talk about stuff regarding you? Or vice-versa? I'm not sure how well a T can stand that position, having to validate both sides.

And for some reason some Ts avoid the gathering of clients (in the waiting room for example). It's just really bad. Imagine this person trying to make us feel like we're special and we matter, and then hearing that T says exactly the same thing to another person! It just wouldn't work for me.

So seriously, mention it to your T. If you don't it will affect your relationship with T, so save yourself and everyone a load of trouble and say what you are feeling.

Hi Jenny,

This might sound strange but it's all a part of the relationship. It won't ruin it. It will give you an opportunity for growth.

I'd feel the same way, though, btw. It would be very hard for me. Maybe your T will be able to reassure you.

Liese

I agree with Liese, it does not need to ruin the relationship - with T or your friend, and definitely with what Eliana said about talking to your T.

A very close friend of mine used to see the same T I see. She actually stopped seeing T regularly when I did. In the past few months my friend has gone back to see T a little more regularly, and yes, it did freak me out a bit at first, and it was really hard to talk about it with my T, knowing my friend was seeing T too. Once I did talk to T about it, and T reassured me that my time is my time, I can talk about anything, even if it involves my friend, and T will handle it all fine. That's all I needed to hear.

Now, it's actually kind of nice knowing that my friend sees T, when I talk about my appointments with her, we actually can laugh about some of Ts mannerisms and sayings and knowing that my friend knows T makes it somehow more supportive when we talk.

Thanks to both of you for our advice and support. It's been helpful! Since I had to reschedule with T and won't see her til Friday, I decided it was best to talk to M about it. I found that in talking to M I felt more secure in my relationship with T and that it won't affect what I've built with her. I know T cares (maybe even loves I can dream right?) about me and that what we have is special. I actually feel guilty for being so jealous and possessive . even though I'm good with all of this now, I still might bring it up with T just so I can show her another breakthrough thanks again for the support! I love this forum!

So just a little update on the situation.

M aka BFF went to see T today and she likes her a lot! I'm so glad that they were able to connect right away. T just has this something about her that makes it easy for her to connect with people almost instantly! The little green monster named Jealousy started to creep on me when she was telling me about her session, but it went away knowing how much BFF is struggling. I can't be selfish amd not want her to see T just cos I want her all to myself, but I know T well enough and trust her well enough to know that our relationship is ours and no one can take that away.

So while I was asking BFF how it went, she says that she mentioned me to T. At first I thought she would be discreet about it and say something along the lines of, "Oh my good friend" or something like that. But no, that is not how it went at all! I asked her what it was that she said exactly and she said, "Hey G, I just want to thank you so much for helping my friend Jenny Fakename. She's doing so much better and she means so much to me and I just want to thank you for that." I was mortified! I playfully scolded BFF and told her why in the world would she mention my full name to T and that it puts T in an awkward position. Poor BFF though is brand new to the whole counseling thing and didn't quite grasp the concept of confidentiality. She's one of those who needs to break all the rules to know what they are. When I asked how T responded to her, she said she handled it very well but that she looked a little shocked when she said mentioned my name (I'm guessing she's never really had clients blurt each others names out) and that she very nicely said she couldn't confirm or deny that she knows me but that she was glad BFF felt that way. Leave it to good ole T to bring everything back to normal. Knowing BFF though, it won't be the first time she mentions my name even though I told her to leave me out of her therapy lol. She kinda teds to say things and then realize afterwards it probably wasn't the best idea . oh well I gotta love her for it though. I probably won't mention it to T on my part just cos I have a lot of other stuff on my mind that I want to talk to her about and I don't want to bring any tension or awkwardness to the situation. Unless T herself brings it up, which I'm almost positive she won't, then I'll say something but unlike BFF I know the rules of therapy lol.

My T would NEVER see my best friend. He would say that is a boundary infringement. And I think it is. It is just not okay by him. I am VERY surprised that your T is going to let this happen.

I have to say I agree with Sadly. I don't think it is a good idea. If you have been going there the longest why don't you ask your T what he/she thinks about it, and take their advice. Your BFF has only just started going there so she could easily move on if need be. No harm in asking now, and rather ask now before it gets complicated.

Just my opinion, and no qualifications to back it up either, so please don't take it in the wrong way.

Oh no nothing is being taken the wrong way. I kow y'all are just concerned and I'm thankful for that. I talked to BFF again and was more firm on letting her know that I did not like the fact that she brought up my name. I mean obviously she's going to be bringing up friends because her issues are dealing with more the present, but I told her it would make me feel more comfortable and not put T in such an awkward position if in future sessions she wants to mention me to just refer to me as "my good friend" and just keep it like that. She didn't see what the big deal was but she understood my point of view and promised not to bring me up again. Besides Im at this point in my therapy where I'm more secure than ever in my relationship with T and if issues do arise (which I can probably say not) I know T will handle it in the best way possible. And in her defense she did not know BFF and I were friends to begin with cos BFF mentioned me at the end of session. If T does bring it up with me on Friday during my session (without breaking any confidentiality rules of course) then I'll tell her my take on it and that it's totally fine with me unless my name is not brought up again.

Thanks for y'alls support and concern though. I know y'all are just lookin out for me and I very uh appreciate it

I am not sure you are hearing me JennytheDiva, but no therapist that I know would DREAM of treating a clients best friend. YOU are this therapists client and your friend has asked YOUR therapist to be HER therapist too. This is USUALLY considered INAPPROPRIATE. It is INAPPROPRIATE for your therapist to start working with your best friend. Seriously. And most well trained therapists would ask your best friend to see someone else in the practice. It has NOTHING to do with what your friend said. At all. But YOU and your BFF are close friends. I don't think you have understood the seriousness of what I am trying to point out, I don't think you have understood the issue here.

Can I give you an example from my own experience. It might clarify the situation.

I was working with a counsellor. A friend, someone who knew how difficult my life was at that time, was impressed by my progress in therapy. She told me she has requested an assessment session with MY counsellor. My counsellor told me during my next session that she knew this person was a friend of mine and she would NEVER work with someone involved in certain areas of my life. It would compromise my work with her and it was professionally inadvisable. My friend was furious - she wanted MY therapist. She was given another therapist.

My counsellor knew the boundaries and kept them safe for me.

However lovely your best friend is, your therapist is YOURS and it will cause serious problems in the future when your BFF is feeling mad as hell at the T and you are feeling all safe and happy with your T and you are comparing notes and your T is being sweet and kind to you and confrontational with her. Basically it sounds like you will get sibling rivalry stuff come up and you both may even start to play off one against each other with this T. Not good. Not advisable. I hope you can hear this. I hope your therapist can advise your friend to be referred to someone else and not take her on herself.

I totally understand where you're coming from Sadly. For now, until I see T again, the only thing I can do is just keep my therapy private again and see what Ts take on the situation is. At first I didn't think it was a big deal as long as T didn't know BFF and I were close friends. I'm not mad at T or anything, I just wish BFF wouldn't have mentioned my name. The conflict that I'm having with this one is if T does end up referring her to another T, I don't want BFF to put the blame on me cos then it makes me feel selfish and like I'm an awful person. I honestly did not see what the problem was with having the same T in the first place. I just wanted BFF to get better and work with a T who she could really connect with and make good progress with since she had a hard time connecting with the other one she saw before my (our?) T and since I know T very well, I knew their personalities would mesh well. It's really hard and conflicting to hear that it is a problem when I didn't see it as a problem as long as BFF kept me out if it...

I have been holding off commenting on this thread until I felt brave enough to.

I was TERMINATED by my T because my friend was her friend. It puts everyone in a difficult position - especially your T. It created barriers to talking, things became difficult, certain subjects couldnt be talked about freely, T couldnt guarantee a safe therapeutic environment. It felt like there was always a third person in the therapy room.

I discussed this scenario with my new T and she said would never take on a client who was a friend, relative of an existing client - she would refer on straight away.

I think it will change things for you.

I have a friend who sees my T1, and many people I know and talk to outside of therapy (because I met them through group therapy) who see my T2. It hasn't been an issue at all. There was one situation that took me a while to deal with and talk about but the truth is my Ts hold my confidentiality and the confidentiality of others in high regard. I don't think it's completely inappropriate for a T to see friends and the T needs to keep boundaries. My T never mentions my friend - occasionally I will mention her (because my T knows I see her because she set up my appointment with me - kinda hard for my T to pretend we don't know each other) in context to my life or my T will talk about my friend as a resource just like she would any other of my friends like "have you considered reaching out to ____?".

Anyway, it's not all bad. There are other people on this board who have had people see people they know and it has been okay - it's not all bad. It does get uncomfortable and you know what? That's great material to talk about in therapy. It's your Ts job if she feels it is clinically too difficult or whatever to terminate/refer if things become difficult to manage. Some Ts refuse to see family and stuff which I think is important, and friends sometimes. Your T may not be comfortable seeing your friend now that she knows you guys are friends - maybe she needed to seek consultation or think about it, etc. You can't know unless you discuss it.

I deeply understand your discomfort, because I feel uncomfortable too sometimes. I've talked to my T about it, and I know that my T is a vault and she treats me the same as all of her clients - with respect and love and without judgement. Your T probably does also. But your concerns are... very very very legitimate and your feelings are very important it's good to bring this up with your T but I don't think there is need to say she is unethical. It can work, it's not black/white.

Jenny

I've heard of conflicts when it's a family member but not when it's a friend. It could get tricky down the road, especially if one of you gets mad at T and tries to drag the other one into it. But I've really only heard of prohibitions on treating family members.

xoxox

Liese

Thanks everyone for your advise and input.

Today I had my session with T and it could not have gone better. Many of y'all might be surprised by this but I nor T brought up BFF in our session. For some reason, it made me feel really good. From day one T has made it clear that our time is our time and has given me no reason to believe that she would break that trust. At first I was jealous that BFF was going to be seeing my T but now I'm actually really happy for her. T is great at what she does and I trust that if any problems happen, T will be very professional about it and do what's in everyone's best interest. I know deep in my heart both T and BFF would never try and do anything to hurt me. I guess this is where my faith comes into play as well. I can't explain it much but I know that everything is gonna be ok. I don't think T has been unethical at all since a lot of other friends I have see the same T (not mine), I'm just more open about it with my very selective close group of friends. I guess I see it like this, T knows BFF is my, well BFF, and if any problems come about I know I can talk about it openly and honestly with T. Im not going to let a little jealousy ruin the bond and connection I have with T or BFF.

Thanks all for y'alls advice and perspectives. I read each one at least 5 times and was so nervous about how I would handle it with T. If she didn't bring it up, then I guess she sees that I'm secure enough in our relationship to not feel threatened that my BFF is seeing her as well, and if that's the case, then she's absolutely right. our session reassured my feelings and with the way things are going, it can only get better; I have faith.