I think you should respect the boundaries and bring the note in, or... Ask if you can do it if you want to. If you want to push anyway it will at the very least end up bringing up the subject with your T for better or worse. I worry of you email that the emailing will be processed rather than the content you send (not sure the topic on that).

For some people it's easier to bring up things in that sort of way (pushing - it's normal!!!). It's also common for boundaries to be violated and it turn in to a connecting experience. Anyway, I understand the desire and the pain that attachment issues bring - so I know you're coming from a very genuine place. My uneducated thoughts are.,, talk to your T about solutions, but if you can't w/o breaking the boundaries, or you need to test and feel a deep conscious or unconscious desire... I say go for what feels right and you and your T will work it out. Either way it's unlikely pain will be completely avoided.

If it helps at all... My T has a very strict contact policy (and always has) - absolutely no texts, emails, contact on the weekend or after mid-evening, and never on vacations. She keeps the same boundaries with everyone. Despite only having a 10hr window per day for 3-5 days a week (depends on her schedule) for contact.. We've managed to build a great relationship. Other Ts can do this too but it takes a lot of communication. Many people won't recommend a T that doesn't allow extreme outside contact but it can work... My T is very attentive - she checks in with me almost every day she works and that helps.

Anyway.,, just throwing it out there and also want to say again I feel a lot of compassion and empathy and understanding for how you're feeling. Today I was struggling and suffering with such bad attachment anxiety and also recently cut my sessions down by 2/3rds.

I write at home a lot and that helps a ton. Maybe asking your T for a writing assignment (or some other solution, even if it's emailing and he only or never reads or responds who knows)... Or ask for other stuff that can leverage how much writing helps you process!

Affinity, welcome aboard. might i suggest writing/typing it and sending it in the regular mail? my T does not particularly like email either, so he has suggested sending it via USPS or whatever (I dont' know what country you're in). you'd be respecting his email boundary, and at the same time giving him time to process it before session. just a thought. good luck to you!

Thanks, everyone, for your helpful replies. You've given me so much to think about.

I really want to respect the boundary and just take my letter to session, but then I think of the time it will take him to read it and then having no time to really process. And then if he decided to wait until the next session to comment on it, I...might...find that very hard to take.

Today is just a tough day, honestly. I was doing so well earlier (having something to distract me), but now the physical ache is back. It would be awesome if I could have some kind of intermittent contact with my T through the week to keep me feeling a little more grounded, but the only time I can hear from him is if I call.

(((AFFINITY))I can certainly relate to your anxiety and I agree that it is better not to cross any boundaries. I'm not sure how far you are from your T's office, but here is just a suggestion. Would it be possible to put the letter you write into an envelope and put his name on it, and drop it off with his secretary or someone else at his office that would hand deliver it to him? Then he would have time to read it and think about everything you have written before your session. Its just an idea, and I'm thinking that it is not crossing any boundary, and he would have the letter to review it well ahead of time. Hope this might work for you.

That's an excellent idea, eme. Thanks!

I worry about the risk of him not reading it. Sending it by any means does not obligate him to take advance time to read and prepare.

Please keep that risk in mind also. I know that is how it would be with my T. It sucks I don't bring writing in to my t for that exact reason (the time)... My session time doesn't increase or decrease based on the delivery (voice, art, writing,etcetera) if what's up!

This is why I think it's good to talk about or at least go in to fully aware of what could pose a challenge. I plan for the worst though lol

Yeah, catalyst, that thought did cross my mind. And then there's the whole can of worms inherent in how I would feel if I dropped it off and he somehow didn't get it or read it.

I hate feeling so darn needy. There ought to be a warning sign above every therapist's office that reads, "Abandon dignity, all ye that enter here."

Good news is, the more I work on this letter in my journal, the more of a handle I seem to be getting on my feelings. I may actually be able to broach the subject of our relationship and my attachment in our next session without having to deliver the letter first. We'll see. I'm still hashing it out.

Hi Affinity, If I could share that for me it got a whole lot easier once we did start talking about the attachment and our relationship. Those were hard painful days prior, and it was tough work when I finally did talk about my attachment AND it really did improve and enhance the therapy I was doing.