hi tygr,

I'm not sure what the best choice would be, but I wanted to at least let you know I read your post and I can certainly relate to being stuck when trying to make a decision

Is there a deeper issue at stake? Why do you think the decision (yes or no) and the particulars (which course) are giving you so much difficulty? Are there risks besides triggers and money? Do you feel like you're dodging some other necessary action (like finding a new T??)?

I hope my questions aren't impertinent or intrusive... I just wanted to reach out and let you know I'm thinking of you. ... Advice-giving is not my strong suit--can you tell?

((((tygr))))

RabbitEars

Also, tygr, I'm obviously not very good at offering comfort I'm really sorry you've been having a hard day. It's confusing and discouraging when a bad day follows a good one so closely... I hope you're doing all right tonight.

RabbitEars

(((Tygr)))

Sorry things have been so triggering, that is a very difficult place to be in for sure!!

The best help/advice I could offer just from what you've written might be to think of whether it might be easier to take one of the classes the following week, that way maybe giving yourself a little time to get back to a state of more positive feelings? I say that because I find it hard for myself to know what decisions to make when I'm really feeling triggered.

The other thought I have, is if you decide that you want to go ahead, you could choose the course that is least expensive, far away etc. Maybe that one would carry the least amount of pressure with it versus the ones that involve more cost/ travel (if there is much difference between them)

As far as if the experience will be triggering itself, I think Rabbitears had some good suggestions to think of if there is anything below the surface that intensifies the anxiety around the decision? (that also happens to me a lot, and I don't put it together until later)

I hope you start feeling a little better soon and the answers start falling in place for you. Sorry can't be more helpful

AH

hi tygr.... it may be a good thing to take the course if you can afford it. It is something you are interested in and it will also get you out of the house and doing something that makes you feel good. It will also bring you into contact with others who share your interest and is a potential place for making new friends and expanding your social network. I have always taken courses that interest me and I went back to school a few years ago to finish my degree while I worked.

I remember when oldT abandoned me and I was so devastated I was browsing around the net and saw a few psychology seminars in my area that were free. I signed up and pushed myself to attend. The topic was of interest and I met some other T's in the area and it was a challenge to myself that I was able to meet. It helped me in my recovery and my current T was very supportive.

In my opinion, attending could have positive benefits for you.

TN

Thank you for your replies.

I'm ok. I need some structure and purpose in my life because I'm not working at the moment and so without regular therapy, I don't have any fixed appointments in my diary at all and I need something that makes me feel that I'm moving forward into whatever the future holds.

There are 5 Jungian analytical training institutes in the UK, one of which my ex-T is affiliated with and so I've been looking at the training courses on their websites. This also means that I've been reading what they say about analytical psychotherapy and reading the following passages upset me yesterday. This isn't from ex-T's institute but should surely hold true:

"When the going gets tough

Sometimes analysis is difficult (!), challenging, disturbing or painful, as the person is put in touch with parts of themselves they have not acknowledged before, such as anger, hatred, love or intimacy, or as they explore painful experiences from the past. As described above, these issues may be experienced in relation to the analyst (in the transference). The analyst will be used to working with such feelings and, however difficult it may seem, it can be discussed and worked through with the analyst – analysis is frequently about facing what seems impossible precisely because it involves going beyond where the individual has currently got to in themselves and in their life.

Ending analysis

It is always, essentially, the individual’s decision when to finish their analysis – when they have resolved the issues they wanted, or have done what feels possible or practicable at the time (but see comments on the impossible above). The person will then discuss this with the analyst. A suitable period for ending can then be decided upon – time enough to think about the individual’s situation, to consider the forthcoming ending, and to bring the analytic relationship to a close. The process of ending will quite often bring up issues which have not emerged before and time may need to be allowed for these things to be considered as well."

Ex-T didn't manage to fulfil the promise of either of those two paragraphs and it upset me all over again.

Anyway, there are basically two locations where the courses are: London and Oxford, which both require several hours travel in each direction. Two courses, with analytical institutes, are in depth, with few participants and consequently three times more expensive than the other two. The cheaper courses are likely to be less in-depth.

The cost of travel would have to be added on to the cost of the course, which makes it a significant time and financial investment.

My sister lives near Oxford but unfortunately due to her schedule, the cheap Oxford course would mean that I'd be in her area, but wouldn't get to spend any time with her and the family, which seems a real shame.

The best sounding course is the most expensive (naturally) and is in London so would take a whole day out for travelling and might mean I need to find someone to stay with overnight. My finances are really tight and it is a significant cost. If money and time were no object then I'd do it.

I'm also worried about making a commitment to travel to London every week for 20 weeks, and whether I'm setting myself up for exhaustion and resentment when I get part way through and it's more of a chore than enjoyable. If there was something an hour away then that would be ideal but there doesn't seem to be. Also, something an hour away would have the risk of ex-T being involved and I couldn't handle that.

I really want a new T, one that can really help me, but various practical matters make it not good timing at the moment.

hi tygr,
i'm sorry you're finding it so difficult at the moment and the courses are proving to be expensive and unpractical in many ways.

having a new course to go to might be a helpful thing, to get out and do something interesting and feel proud of yourself, but like you say it is a big commitment because of the money and travel and you seem unsure if it will be worth it. are there some simple alternatives to this or a compromise - you can buy some books, or are there any 1 day workshops or some similar cheaper courses?

i worry that you would spend your money and energy on this new course (which might be helpful or might not) when maybe what you need most is to find a new T? even if just a temporary T to work through what happened with the exT and what happens next? or is this not practical either?

i hope you can find some clarity and hope soon.

puppet

Thanks Puppet.

I feel totally paralysed with anxiety and indecision. I'm finding it hard to make a decision about ANYTHING at the moment. I've got an interview for a volunteer position and I need to make travel and accommodation arrangements and I just can't decide what to do.

I keep going on to the booking page to book a place on the course that starts on Tursday and then deciding against it.

I've been researching other T's but now isn't good timing. I'm seeing a psychiatrist for the first time on Wednesday, and that might lead to talking therapy on the NHS - probably not but I can hope. I've also got a few more counselling sessions left and it's possible that she could refer me for more treatment or even see me for longer if she feels I would benefit from it. The thing with all those options is that I have less control; it's up to the referrers and might involve more waiting lists.

I'm also in a position of having no job and needing to earn a living and again struggling to make a decision on prioritising a course of action. My preference is to do a PhD and that could involve moving to a different part of the country and it makes sense not to get a T here but to wait until after the move. But at the moment, the move could be months, or even years away. Until I make some decisions and take some action, I'm stuck. I probably could do with a T to help me push forward. Hopefully the counsellor can help with some of that. Our last few sessions have been taken up with processing the P appointment and then the fall out of exT's abandonment.

I feel overwhelmed, confused and paralysed with fear. Every option causes me worry. I'm afraid to act but by doing nothing, I just stay stuck. The course on Tuesday is only 10 weeks, once a week and is the cheapest option. I'm attracted to the others but because they are with analytical training institutes, I think I'm quite scared that there will be lots of analysts there who will somehow trigger me. This is a totally irrational fear but I'm quite wary of women of a certain age and analytical Ts at the moment and sitting in a room with several at once might blow my mind !

hi tygr,
its awful feeling so paralized when faced with decisions i hope these feelings ease a bit and you will be able to get a bit of peace. i dont know if this helps, but the course is not a major life decision, you will probably get something good out of it anyway even if it isnt perfect, and it sounds like you're leaning towards the cheaper course which means less pressure on your finances so hopefully an easier decision.

i do understand about the T decision, and i think it's very wise of you to think ahead like that but unfortunately not a good situation at the moment. i hope that the counselling helps and maybe you will continue to get this help for longer.

puppet