Shouldn't I be Feeling Better by Now?

number9Member

This book is excellent!

I decided to drop the heavy therapy and just do "light" contact with my T. All I need is someone to talk to, the other "stuff" felt too much like someone dragging me out of my sick bed to throw me down the stairs for a "cure".

I have had enough.

Excerpts:

"You will be told that you cannot help who you are, and that it's no use to think that you could have done things differentl. At the same time, you will be told that you are free to choose your path in life, and that you re responsible (totally) for the success of your therapy. (The therapist has NO responsibility for the outcome, it's all on YOU)

"You will be told that the relationship is special, and that you can freely express yourself, because "ordinary rules" do not apply to the therapy setting. Just try it. You will be promised unconditional regard and acceptance, but you will be consistently disapproved of unless you change the behaviors the therapist doesn't like.

BINGO! I'm beginning to realize how many T's have issues with narcissicm (sp) and that some male T's are actually threatened by intelligent women. Really? Wow, I don't go looking for that kind of thing, but it's still alive and well.

It talks about how therapy can scramble your brains and make you doubt your own reality. I was told repeatedly that I needed to "trust my own judgement" but was "punished" when I did.

In the end, I stood up for myself, and my T decided that he didn't want to work with me on a deep level, partially because he doesn't want to hurt me, but also because it will reflect poorly on his career. He actually said this.

I'm a little jaded, but enough to also take some of the book with a grain of salt. Fortunately, there are many balanced insights here, it's not "black or white". I needed to read this.

2/25/128:15 AM

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muffMember

2/25/1212:54 PM

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laurakMember

number9 what does it mean it would reflect badly on his career?

2/25/128:14 PM

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number9Member

He actually said that continuing to work with me would reflect badly on his career.

I decided to move further elaboration on this to my original post (Freedom) because, although my response is based on my readings from the book, got to be a little bit too much about "dumping" my own stuff here.

It is a very good book, precisely because it allows for differing views on therapy. I would recognize dogma if I saw it.

Anyway, thoughts on this book appreciated.

2/26/1211:36 AM

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sadlyMember

I found it really helpful to read. Fortunately I am in good therapy with a good therapist who is very keen for me to heal and move on - and very sane.Some therapists are just too unbalanced and this book shows some of that.

2/27/128:48 AM

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number9Member

yes, indeed.

I enjoyed the fact that the opinions expressed were balanced. Some of the contributers in the book were a little over the top in their criticism of therapy and alternative medicine, and need to check out PubMed where they can clearly see that there are good studies that prove the efficacy of talk therapy, pharmaceutical drugs, and alternative approaches. I'm not sure where people get it in their head that pharmaceutical drugs have been proven more effective than other methods... in fact, they have NOT. Any combination can be clinically useful, however. It depends on the patient!

I have done them all, and there are positives and negatives to each.

I found the chapter on common word "traps" that T's use and how to respond to them to be quite amusing.

In the long run, I think now, more than ever, a good fit is essential. Many of us here would do best, (and avoid unnecessary harm) by working with a very-highly qualified, intelligent, and sensitive T who is also humble, flexible, and willing to learn new concepts and how they may apply to clients/patients. Complacency and arrogance is a big red flag.

I would also hesitate to work with any therapist who felt threatened by my (limited) knowledge or refused to maintain an open mind. I also prefer a T who is more collaborative than directive, but who is also more real, and not a robot or "blank slate".

NO GAMES!!