My therapy (no more Ts)emerse
in the cool water; swim hard and fast.

T said...I run from sickness, pain, and depression. I say,"What's wrong with that?" Always looking for loopholes.

T said, that I run from sickness, pain and depression. I say, "What's wrong with that?" Always looking for loopholes...

((muff)) my kettle will be boiling too maybe we can both get a cup of tea??

I realise another reason why breaks are so hard - my T affirms that I exist. Without it I feel like i don't have a self. Gosh I'm hitting the frustration buttons that I will never, ever get well enough to wind back from intensive therapy. Grr!!

The darkness of the 'pit' is more evident when there is no sense of our old self left~ the one we were molded into by others. It does feel like a none existence to an extent. Because our real self was never encouraged to be, we were only ever left with a shell of ourselves.

We feel lost and afraid in that pit where there is only despair, darkness, and depression.

I used to imagine a way out of that pit. A ladder, or a helping hand that reached down to me. Once on the surface, I was alone, and could only crawl towards a self sufficient, and unseen me.

It is a time of evolving Green eyes, from the caterpillar to the wee butterfly......well, that's what they tell us.

Imagine if you can, EVERYTHING good about you that ever was but a million times bigger,.. and there you are!

"To 'know Thyself' is considered quite an accomplishment.”
― L. Frank Baum, The Marvelous Land of Oz

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Good luck with your kind of therapy Mayo. It sounds very nice.

Day 10.

Full on shut down.

...and people wonder why we are so anxious when they return. The 'kettle' is ready to blow because we feel abandoned/angry and afraid of it. If that anger shows our T might reject us again, just as our primary care giver did.



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how did you ever get in touch with your anger/rage? i know it's there, but i don't "do" anger and it seems really awkward for me. i'm not even sure how it would be expressed? yelling? screaming and swearing? all the other emotions seem pretty straight-forward to me. anger though, not so much.

.Tears of an injustice done to you is the best way of expressing anger and rage.(None verbal)

Words are another.

If you can speak of such matters to another and listen carefully to your own words, you will begin to feel that injustice.



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quote:

The 'kettle' is ready to blow because we feel abandoned/angry and afraid of it. If that anger shows our T might reject us again, just as our primary care giver did.

I like the analogy of the "kettle". It makes a lot of sense. Growing up, I often felt as if there were bees buzzing inside me. Nowadays, it feels as if I might spontaneously combust.

In the last 10 days, T has cancelled 2 appts., and forgotten to return a phone call on her urgent voicemail. I feel rejected.

And so the kettle boils, then eventually runs out of steam, resulting in shut down.

No, it dont run out of steam yet. Its on simmer Blu. Numb!

My kettle is on turbo boil atm

Lucky you GE. Let it out!

That's the issue - I don't have any way to when I'm either working or caring for my toddler son. Going nuts!

tears of injustice? that feels more like sad, not anger or rage. maybe i'm just a baby in this department.

Closed Doors - I'm the same way when it comes to anger. For the most part, I have a very hard time getting in touch with that particular emotion. But, during the extremely select few times I do, it wants to erupt in ways that scare the beejeebers outta me! By that I mean I feel like I could do some serious physical damage to an inanimate object or myself by punching something. I just feel like I can't let myself (safely) go there. I've tried drawing it using my non-dominant hand cuz it's my li'l one's anger that wants the airtime right now. Sigh...

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How did you feel the last time you were rejected?

Crying is sadness AND anger/rage.

What did you see in your bubbies reactions when they were told, NO!?

Sending an angry text to a therapist and not getting rejected for it is an example of anger being accepted. This leads to trust in the therapist, and less fear of showing more anger.

The aim is to tell our story with emotion, including anger.


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awesome, thanks TK and muff. thanks for helping me to see that it was ANGER that drove that email.

it really is comforting to be here with such empathic, insightful and caring folks.

AND that anger was accepted by your T.

yes, in a meaningful and touching way

quote:

AND that anger was accepted by your T.

..........and if it is not.........?

the kettle can't stay on "simmer" forever.

Mine was ready to implode.