Disappointed in myself. Got caught in a communication-shame-projection-judgment-acting out cycle today. Tried to talk to H about it, but ended up in an argument about me wanting to hide the acts or quit therapy (because it's obviously all T's fault that he allowed my brokenness to emerge and H keeps pushing me to stay with it, so he gets a share too). Still feeling stuck and H is making "helpful" suggestions like, "Just think about something else," or to ignore thoughts and feelings that don't make sense...but that's what I was doing before T told be that wasn't healthy to repress even if it was more stable and reactivated me. Want to be all alone and far away from both T and H and especially their conflicting support/advice. Praying for the strength to be the mom/wife/aunt/sister/friend I need to be today, because I really don't have it in me at all. OK, done whining and will try not to start myself on a new spiral by assuming y'all are getting sick of me already as well.