I have two Ts and I spent about 20 mins today talking to T1 about how pissed at T2 for making me sit there in silence until I start talking. I feel like shouting,"WTF am I paying you $140 for 45 mins for if you can't help me get my session started!!!????"

I know silence can be a useful tool, but I think its wrong of the T to waste too much time with silence at the beginning of the session. Clearly if I am struggling after a full minute, I need some help. To drag it out for 5 mins is too long.

I recommend talking to your T about it. Tell her how you feel and that you feel that it is impacting your therapy in a negative manner.

Hmmm, I just had a conversation with my T similar to LG's feelings on Tuesday. I was so frustrated that I spend so much time out of the office waiting for session to arrive, and then when I finally get in there I waste the time either not talking -- or because silence is uncomfortable to me, talking small talk but just not about anything important. So I said to T, "Look, I know you don't want to direct my therapy, and I don't really want you to take too much control either, but once in a while you could help me out a little bit to get started! I'm just wasting my session away!" Her response was, "You think we're wasting the time? I think there's a lot going on. We don't have to talk. Sometimes its harder to just allow the silence and be OK with it." But I'm with LG, why should I pay for silence? Anybody with half a brain can do that. It doesn't take a fancy degree.

I agree with LG and MH. I have expressed to T (usually in text/email) frustration at myself with allowing myself to not say anything of substance. Silence is OK if both parties don't mind it, but I can't afford it and find it frustrating. Sure, your T can't MAKE you talk, but maybe you could tell her next time, "I don't want you to make me talk, but I would like you to HELP me talk. Can we talk about how you might do that?"

Eventually, I tried to figure out not WHAT to talk about but WHY I was struggling to talk with T and not with certain others. Part of it was the attachment stuff made me so vulnerable and my anxiety about his inevitable abandonment blanked me out. But, some other things were just the way he interacted with me, like certain ways he asked questions reminding me of my Dad, who I could never have the "right" answer with, because he would play devil's advocate no matter what I said..

I won't give you the whole (extremely detailed) journal and your comfort zone will probably be somewhere different than mine...but the type of things I asked T to do were:

-Help me get started initially by asking a very specific question, not something like, "What would you like to discuss?" because I go completely blank with panic and nothing seems important to discuss. Him asking something very specific helps me to feel OK to let whatever topic it is have meaning.
-Demonstrate understanding by asking clarifying questions, replying with a paraphrase of what I said, giving relatable stories.
-Try to reduce the authoritative dynamic, because it makes it impossible for me to disagree, have my own opinions or not constantly worry about how I say will be judged.
-Stop calling me smart, because it makes me panic that I won't live up to that expectation if I say something wrong or stupid.

I also gave him a list of topics that I am definitely OK with him asking about and a couple that I am not ready to discuss.

Thank you all for your responses. It has made me think =)

I feel that she pushes me to talk even though i feel uncomfortable with her. I'm not seeing this T at the moment as we sort have never developed a rapport. I think the idea of posting was just coming to terms with my experience.