Awww, glad you were offered the Skype.

Pros:
* Better than not talking at all by far.
* Less intensity triggered with my attachment stuff than being physically near T.
* Good for discussing intense stuff at a sort of emotional distance.

Cons:
* Can feel really disconnected, far away, which triggers a lot of grief at time.
* Does not have that same sort of post-session relief, because...
* It is really hard to "read" T without being able to see (albeit out of the corner of my eye) his body language and smile and such that makes me able to dismiss awful projections.


It is REALLY good for just what you're using it for, checking in. I find the longer Skype sessions are productive in objectifying/intellectualizing my experiences, but not in actually relating to one another very closely. But, close enough to keep me from panicking that the connection is gone or that T has died or has suddenly stopped caring or having positive feelings or that he hates me or whatever.

Thanks Yaks - you make some great points. You brought up something I hadn't thought of. Do you mean I actually have to LOOK at her via SKYPE!!! Panic attack. I usually stare at the carpet, the window, the door, the chair, the ceiling, the wall, oops - little bit of her face, woops - back to the ceiling, the floor etc. This might help me *look* at her. Awkward......

I have suggested we set it up and practice it first. Mental note to self... Must set it up so she doesn't see all the clutter and mess behind me.

SD

Hi SD,
I do not use Skype for therapy but I do use if frequently at work. The man I work the closest with in the company (he functions as my de facto editor) relocated to California a year or so ago and we often need to have long discussions. I really like using Skype, it's not the same as being with the person but I find it to be fairly close.

You don't have quite the level of being "with" the person but you're getting a lot cues because of the visual added to the audio. This guy also happens to be a close personal friend and we've known each other for 15 years so we're able to pick up a lot of nuances.

One thing I think you might like is that it's pretty difficult to make direct eye contact on Skype because if you're looking at the video of the other person, you're NOT looking directly into the camera. So you will be able to look at your T knowing you won't make eye contact. Might make it feel safer. Based on my experience, I think it would be perfect for a check in.

Some advice. Test your setup BEFORE the appt. Skype has a test service you can call which appear in your contact list which allows you to test your speakers/headphones and microphone to make sure everything is working correctly.

AG

T has connection issues sometimes, so we never use video chat. He called accidentally with it for a few times, but I picked up audio only, lol. We just do audio. Video is too damned intimidating!

I skype with T1.

Pros: It is the only way I can see her as she lives several thousand miles away.

Cons:
Poor video quality.
Screen freezes up.
Echoing sounds at times.
Dropped calls.
I see the inside of her house.
when i skype from my car in the summer, my phone gets too hot so I have to go to a shadey cemetery which is creepy but keeps things cooler and allows my phone to function.

Ok, so I set up my skype and tested it a few times and finally T and I got on. she had to set up an account. It was funny when it finally came online as we were both on the phone to each other talking about it when it came on we looked at each other and a laughed as we were talking on the phone and on camera. Felt a bit silly.

Ok, so we did it. She was not looking at my face (good) and I was prob definitely not looking at her. It was a practice session so there wasn't much therapy stuff - but my kids kept walking past and being problems. Her kids obviously had been told to stay out of the room and were only there a little bit.

It was weird. Just weird. I said to her that with skype she always had to make sure that her house was tidy - she had a panicked look on her face and then looked behind her to check it out!!!! I was joking. And I said - you have to make sure you wear clothes or nice ones as I can see them - so she looked at what she was wearing and said 'yep i am ok'. She hadnt thought of that.

I found that because we did it at night and we were both in our homes - that it was a casual thing. That has bothered me a bit. I found that I was more casual (too casual) and T was too. It felt like I was in her home and it was intimate. That has bothered me too. There was definitely something added having the video.

Yeah I don't know. It certainly takes some getting used to. I was actually scared that she would say something therapy wise or specific out loud - and I hadn't prepared by getting my kids out of there. I should have had headphones on. I guess that is why we had a practice. The proof will be in a week's time when I am overseas and then we can see if it works.

Thanks for all your tips and advice
Somedays