Hello.

I am a mess. I guess the good news is that it's mostly a mess from my adult head space, with dips into kidspace, but I am a mess.

1) Last week a homeless man flipped his sh*t at me in a Safeway, screaming, lunging, growling at me. I went into total trauma freeze, and literally felt myself go up out of my body. Security came and got him, after I screamed for help, but I spent 2 days physically shivering and feeling my shoulders jumping all around defensively, not to mention walking through the rest of my time at Safeway shaking and hyperventilating. Crap, trauma stuff sure brings up trauma stuff. (I'm waving at you, unfortunately, Kashley. This sucks).

2) My aunt visited this weekend and revealed that my uncle is homeless because my mother (my own abuser) threw him of her house where he was living out 5 times in a row, and he's been homeless (in his car) for months, but we are just now finding out, and he had been experiencing all the same physical/mental abuses that I suffered. So, I do feel less crazy, I guess, less like I might be imagining or stretching the truth. I also feel a little less like I was the one who caused the abuse if my uncle was suffering it too (my uncle is a wonderful man). But this is kicking up all my stuff - my homeless Veteran father, my own abuse, it's just endless. (I'm waving at you, a little, AG, I'm sad to say. This sucks).

3) And our neighbor/friend of 3 years died yesterday. She was 36. She had a stroke. She was taken off of life support at 7pm yesterday, leaving a beautiful son that is 1, and a wonderful husband. We are crying, and trying to figure out how to help them, and crying for every person who has died too soon, and every person we have lost from our own lives, and this sucks.

Just sayin'.

MMM