Hey, Is anybody out there? It's so quiet today.
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Hi Liese, I've been in and out...seems to have been quiet lately..
Hi Faithless,
I had trouble logging on before. Did you?
I had trouble logging on before. Did you?
I'll sit and join you - is there room? 
starfish
starfish
percy pigs??
Give us a clue....methinks it's just a tad harder when you're not both in the same vicinity 
Hmmm what have I got here that I can see that begins with p.....pile of ironing, pad of paper, pens, photographs, pet dog, pictures, pink furry slippers
, printer, paperclips..... hope I was allowed more than one guess nite nite
Hmmm what have I got here that I can see that begins with p.....pile of ironing, pad of paper, pens, photographs, pet dog, pictures, pink furry slippers
, printer, paperclips..... hope I was allowed more than one guess nite nite
Hi All,
I get that this is kind of a fun thread, but are any of you truly lonely, as I am? I feel seriously alone out here, and yesterday my T made a comment " ask a friend over for dinner" and I had to think for minute, and there was really no one person that I could call at the spur of the moment to come for dinner. And it's not that I don't truly have friends, and wonderful family, but we all seem to be at different places in our lives, and we aren't really meshing at this stage. I'm a 45 year old, widow of two years. Most of my peers are still raising their children, while mine has left the nest. (he took the cat with him too!)Suddenly I am all alone. The last two years seem to keep creeping up on me, and I hate this feeling!!
My home is so empty now, and my husband isn't coming back, and I keep re-arraanging furniture, and changing the bedding, and trying to make-over my life. It's tough here, and I feel like I complain to much.
I'm sorry for being the big downer here, but I just feel like I need to vent sometimes. And being in therapy, it's not something I can talk about to any friends really. They don't understand much of what I've gone through, or the attachment to my T. I couldn't even begin to explain that to them and have them get it.
I'm sorry I don't offer much on these threads, I just don't always know what to say. I do have to say Thank You, to all of you here for the supportive and welcoming words.
Gargyrle.
I get that this is kind of a fun thread, but are any of you truly lonely, as I am? I feel seriously alone out here, and yesterday my T made a comment " ask a friend over for dinner" and I had to think for minute, and there was really no one person that I could call at the spur of the moment to come for dinner. And it's not that I don't truly have friends, and wonderful family, but we all seem to be at different places in our lives, and we aren't really meshing at this stage. I'm a 45 year old, widow of two years. Most of my peers are still raising their children, while mine has left the nest. (he took the cat with him too!)Suddenly I am all alone. The last two years seem to keep creeping up on me, and I hate this feeling!!
My home is so empty now, and my husband isn't coming back, and I keep re-arraanging furniture, and changing the bedding, and trying to make-over my life. It's tough here, and I feel like I complain to much.
I'm sorry for being the big downer here, but I just feel like I need to vent sometimes. And being in therapy, it's not something I can talk about to any friends really. They don't understand much of what I've gone through, or the attachment to my T. I couldn't even begin to explain that to them and have them get it.
I'm sorry I don't offer much on these threads, I just don't always know what to say. I do have to say Thank You, to all of you here for the supportive and welcoming words.
Gargyrle.
Gargyrle,
Nothing insightful to offer except to say that your post resonated with me and your sadness touched my heart.
Nothing insightful to offer except to say that your post resonated with me and your sadness touched my heart.
aw Gargyle...the lonliness is the hardest thing, isn't it? I'm sorry for your sadness and pain.
Many hugs,
BB
Many hugs,
BB
Hey BB, THANKS!
The lonliness is the hardest part of widowhood I think. I got through a lot the past two years, but so much of it alone. I hate it so.
G
The lonliness is the hardest part of widowhood I think. I got through a lot the past two years, but so much of it alone. I hate it so.
G
Gargyle and hemlock,
Thoughts and friendship to you both for the times when you are feeling so lonely.
starfish
Thoughts and friendship to you both for the times when you are feeling so lonely.
starfish
Hemlock,
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find friends and support here.
Gargyle,
I find it so understandable that you are struggling with sadness and loneliness. My youngest daughter is leaving for college in the fall (we have two girls, the oldest just finished her sophomore year) and I know how sad and lonely that can sometimes feel and I am not widowed. I am very sorry for your loss.
Your sadness and struggle do not seem at all misplaced, you are dealing with a lot of loss and deserve compassion and understanding, from yourself as well as others. I hope that the connections you form hear might bring some relief.
AG
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find friends and support here.
Gargyle,
I find it so understandable that you are struggling with sadness and loneliness. My youngest daughter is leaving for college in the fall (we have two girls, the oldest just finished her sophomore year) and I know how sad and lonely that can sometimes feel and I am not widowed. I am very sorry for your loss.
Your sadness and struggle do not seem at all misplaced, you are dealing with a lot of loss and deserve compassion and understanding, from yourself as well as others. I hope that the connections you form hear might bring some relief.
AG
Hi Gargryle...Maybe I'll call you Gar if you don't mind. I wanted to welcome you and say I'm sorry for your loss. I know it must be so difficult to not only deal with the grief of the loss but also the change in your life that has happened due to your child leaving home.
I hope you dont' mind if I suggest that perhaps joining a local widows group may provide you with some comfort and new friends who may be in the same situation that you are. A good friend of mine lost her husband suddenly and has no children and is around 50. She joined two widows groups, one was through her church and one was a community group. They have meetings, they go out to dinner and plan outings. She tells me how much she enjoys her groups.
Another suggestion (and I don't know your financial situation) would be going back to school to take some classes on topics you are interested in. This opens up the possibility of meeting others who share your interests.
I hope you find some comfort and solace here as well. I look forward to getting to know you.
Same for you hemlock... as I don't know if I welcomed you here yet. It's nice to have new members join.
Regards,
TN
I hope you dont' mind if I suggest that perhaps joining a local widows group may provide you with some comfort and new friends who may be in the same situation that you are. A good friend of mine lost her husband suddenly and has no children and is around 50. She joined two widows groups, one was through her church and one was a community group. They have meetings, they go out to dinner and plan outings. She tells me how much she enjoys her groups.
Another suggestion (and I don't know your financial situation) would be going back to school to take some classes on topics you are interested in. This opens up the possibility of meeting others who share your interests.
I hope you find some comfort and solace here as well. I look forward to getting to know you.
Same for you hemlock... as I don't know if I welcomed you here yet. It's nice to have new members join.
Regards,
TN
Anyone around tonight? Having kind of a rough time, being alone. 
Friend canceled our weekend plans, for the hundredth time.(I know, why is she a friend then, huh?)
Trying really hard not to do a pity party, but the lonliness hurts so much, and I have a hard time doing things alone. I went to a resturant the other night, alone, and when my food came I made them wrap it up because I just couldn't eat there alone. I'm not good at this. I've been told I am very outgoing, have a great personality, and I'm fun, so why I am I so alone? I am not good at this. I don't know what to do anymore. I hurts being turned down so much. (pity party?-can't tell through the tears, doesn't feel like a party)
GG
Trying really hard not to do a pity party, but the lonliness hurts so much, and I have a hard time doing things alone. I went to a resturant the other night, alone, and when my food came I made them wrap it up because I just couldn't eat there alone. I'm not good at this. I've been told I am very outgoing, have a great personality, and I'm fun, so why I am I so alone? I am not good at this. I don't know what to do anymore. I hurts being turned down so much. (pity party?-can't tell through the tears, doesn't feel like a party)
GG
Aw, GG..((((((GG))) I would *love* to get together with you and just hang out go for coffee or whatever...just do something fun together. I wish we lived near, that would be fun, you seem like a really nice person.
I don't think allowing yourself to feel your own pain is ever a pity party, GG. Never. Being tough can get you through the days sometime, but eventually the sadness has to come out. Crying is a good way to do that. I just wish so much that you didn't have to cry all alone.
((((((GG))))))))
so many hugs coming your way..
I have to go, but I'll be back around later on tonight, probably, for a little check in.
BB
I don't think allowing yourself to feel your own pain is ever a pity party, GG. Never. Being tough can get you through the days sometime, but eventually the sadness has to come out. Crying is a good way to do that. I just wish so much that you didn't have to cry all alone.
((((((GG))))))))
so many hugs coming your way..
I have to go, but I'll be back around later on tonight, probably, for a little check in.
BB
Thanks BB, and thank you all! I don't want to be the person who comes here and just takes & takes, I want you all to know how much I appreciate your support. 
TN - thanks for the suggestions re: widows groups. I did join one right after my husband died, but I was a bit misplaced. There are not as many widows in my community close to my age, and I was in a group of much more "mature" woman. I really didn't fit in. I did find an on-line group, but I have no local group.
I miss my husband, and being married. While I do work outside the home, I believe my true calling has been to be a wife & mother. I had one child, was a single mother for many years after his father passed away(suicide. I was self supporting, bought my own home and had a great career. I met my husband, and I had truly found my calling. I so loved having a family to take care of, making meals, and holidays special. I miss that so much. I remember each of my husbands favorite meals that I would make, and how I spoiled my "boys" at the holidays, and special occasions.
I miss the companionship, the appreciation, and the love. I do know my son does love me, but he is grown, and begining his life on his own now.
The year my husband died, 2 summers ago, I was unemployed due to lay off, during the worse economic time in this country. His death was such a shock, he died in his sleep while we were camping. Three months later my appendix burst.
My husband and I actually met, while both inpatients at a hospital, both being treated for depression, as well as an ED for myself. We found each other at a very difficult time in our lives, and while most people will tell you that is the worse time to start a relationship, ours worked very well. We married, and were together for over 14 years.
I will admit that he was not the "love of my life", but I did love him so very much, and I cherish all of our years together.
I'm sorry, again for rambling on so. I guess I just wanted to tell a bit more of my story here. Last year, I had begun to date a man, and fell in love. He dumped me, hard,(via e-mail no less!!) at the time when I was just begining to fall apart and I finally was able to start grieving my husband, I fell apart hard. When not at work, I was in bed, sleeping and crying. Needless to day, it has been a very difficult year, this last one. I started working with my T at this time, and she has been a blessing. ANd now I am completely attached to her, and struggle with that on a daily basis.
I will stop now. Thanks for the forum, and for letting me go on and on and on......
I also feel very fortunate to have found this site, it has also been a blessing, especially during this lonely time and during the struggles with this.
Thanks all
GG
TN - thanks for the suggestions re: widows groups. I did join one right after my husband died, but I was a bit misplaced. There are not as many widows in my community close to my age, and I was in a group of much more "mature" woman. I really didn't fit in. I did find an on-line group, but I have no local group.
I miss my husband, and being married. While I do work outside the home, I believe my true calling has been to be a wife & mother. I had one child, was a single mother for many years after his father passed away(suicide. I was self supporting, bought my own home and had a great career. I met my husband, and I had truly found my calling. I so loved having a family to take care of, making meals, and holidays special. I miss that so much. I remember each of my husbands favorite meals that I would make, and how I spoiled my "boys" at the holidays, and special occasions.
I miss the companionship, the appreciation, and the love. I do know my son does love me, but he is grown, and begining his life on his own now.
The year my husband died, 2 summers ago, I was unemployed due to lay off, during the worse economic time in this country. His death was such a shock, he died in his sleep while we were camping. Three months later my appendix burst.
My husband and I actually met, while both inpatients at a hospital, both being treated for depression, as well as an ED for myself. We found each other at a very difficult time in our lives, and while most people will tell you that is the worse time to start a relationship, ours worked very well. We married, and were together for over 14 years.
I will admit that he was not the "love of my life", but I did love him so very much, and I cherish all of our years together.
I'm sorry, again for rambling on so. I guess I just wanted to tell a bit more of my story here. Last year, I had begun to date a man, and fell in love. He dumped me, hard,(via e-mail no less!!) at the time when I was just begining to fall apart and I finally was able to start grieving my husband, I fell apart hard. When not at work, I was in bed, sleeping and crying. Needless to day, it has been a very difficult year, this last one. I started working with my T at this time, and she has been a blessing. ANd now I am completely attached to her, and struggle with that on a daily basis.
I will stop now. Thanks for the forum, and for letting me go on and on and on......
I also feel very fortunate to have found this site, it has also been a blessing, especially during this lonely time and during the struggles with this.
Thanks all
GG
Hi GG... thank for sharing more of your story. Sorry I was not really around last night. It was sort of a bad day for me with regard to my oldT and I was having my own pity party. I only have one child too and he is growing up so fast. He was always my little buddy but now he has his friends. It's as it should be. I am married for many years and have some company there.
I do understand that most widow's groups are made up of older women. My friend says her group does have some younger widows so she has somethiing in common with them. It must be so hard for you to adjust to being alone now. You are really going through a lot and facing things very bravely. I remember there was a time in my life when I would eat lunch alone during work and it was difficult at times. I always had a book with me to bury my mind in the story instead of the fact that I was sitting alone.
I'm sorry your friend cancelled the plans to be together. I had a friend like that. She was never dependable and I eventually just gave up on her and stopped making the effort. I don't think you are having a pity party... you are in legitimate grief and pain and it will take time to pass and to get on your feet again. There is no timetable. Everyone is different. I'm glad you have a good T to help you with this. I would not worry about the attachment now. You need to use it to help you heal and grow. As my wonderful T reminds me... it's very healthy to be able to attach to a T and quite normal in psychotherapy.
Please feel free to share how you are feeling or how you are doing at any time. Someone is usually around at all hours since we are spread all over the world.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow and each day after that...
TN
I do understand that most widow's groups are made up of older women. My friend says her group does have some younger widows so she has somethiing in common with them. It must be so hard for you to adjust to being alone now. You are really going through a lot and facing things very bravely. I remember there was a time in my life when I would eat lunch alone during work and it was difficult at times. I always had a book with me to bury my mind in the story instead of the fact that I was sitting alone.
I'm sorry your friend cancelled the plans to be together. I had a friend like that. She was never dependable and I eventually just gave up on her and stopped making the effort. I don't think you are having a pity party... you are in legitimate grief and pain and it will take time to pass and to get on your feet again. There is no timetable. Everyone is different. I'm glad you have a good T to help you with this. I would not worry about the attachment now. You need to use it to help you heal and grow. As my wonderful T reminds me... it's very healthy to be able to attach to a T and quite normal in psychotherapy.
Please feel free to share how you are feeling or how you are doing at any time. Someone is usually around at all hours since we are spread all over the world.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow and each day after that...
TN
Sadness today.....feeling even more alone
GG
GG
Hi GG,
Just wanted to reach out to say hi. Sorry you are so sad today. Holiday weekends are especially rough but we'r halfway through this one. I don't know about you but I always think everyone else has all kinds of plans and is having fun except for me. The feelings get me caught in a panic state that is hard to free myself from. My own internal world can be quite brutal. It happened this past Friday as a matter of fact. I finally forced myself to do something and I planned a bikeride with my kids. And, then my neighbor was free and he joined us too. It turned out to be a nice night and I got out of that awful place for a while. Hope you can find a way to break out too, at least for a while. Rent a movie, take a walk, something, anything to get out of your own mind.
Hugs,
Liese
Just wanted to reach out to say hi. Sorry you are so sad today. Holiday weekends are especially rough but we'r halfway through this one. I don't know about you but I always think everyone else has all kinds of plans and is having fun except for me. The feelings get me caught in a panic state that is hard to free myself from. My own internal world can be quite brutal. It happened this past Friday as a matter of fact. I finally forced myself to do something and I planned a bikeride with my kids. And, then my neighbor was free and he joined us too. It turned out to be a nice night and I got out of that awful place for a while. Hope you can find a way to break out too, at least for a while. Rent a movie, take a walk, something, anything to get out of your own mind.
Hugs,
Liese
Hi GG... you are not alone we are here to listen to you. Liese does make some good points. Sometimes taking any little step will lead to something really good that will brighten your mood. I realize holidays are really rough. And I do understand that being alone can hurt a lot. Maybe you can wander the mall (lots of good sales right now) and distract yourself for a little while. Make yourself something good to eat and watch a silly movie.
Right now I'm off to clean bathrooms. Lots of fun.
Thinking of you
TN
Right now I'm off to clean bathrooms. Lots of fun.
Thinking of you
TN