((((Scars)))) You're in a really tough situation and dealing with a lot...it's understandable why you'd feel the way you do. I know it may not seem this way right now, but your T is asking you those questions and making those comments because he cares about you and is worried about you.

Hang in there, and keep posting if it helps.

Just wanted to tell you that I'm here, too, and that I know so much that feeling of wanting to get out of your body, or get out of the feelings. But the feelings will pass - you are NOT your feelings, no matter how big they feel.

You are the vast blue sky - and your feelings are the clouds that float across. Feelings suck, but they are not us. They move.

Hang in there - cheering for you.

Thanks Kashley and MMM

My mother told me some disturbing news about some inappropriate actions while she was in hospital last week. She is now in a hospice for some respite. She has told the correct people but now the police may have to get involved and I will support her whatever she chooses to do, take action or keep it to herself, but now I feel, like, how will she cope with what has been done? She may not have too much longer to live and someone has done this to her, makes me angry, I know she is a strong woman but still, at her time of life this should not be happening.

I need to keep it together to make sure she is comfortable up to the end. Such a hard task.

These past couple of days have been very "so what". The feelings of not wanting to be here are very strong but I don't know where to go with them. Not sure if I can contact my counsellor, what would he do anyway? Cried myself to sleep with them.

Life is getting harder at the moment. My mother is going to die within the next few weeks. Had to tell the kids. "My man" asked what I feel for my mother and could not really answer him. I said I felt nothing. He said he did not understand how everything could be so overwhelming if I had no feelings. I think what it is, is that I don't know how to feel them so I feel nothing. At the moment I burst into tears trying to talk about her impending death so I must feel something!

Today she gave me the "I love you, you're the best daughter" speech but I could not reciprocate, it did not feel right, of course now I am feeling guilty, should I make it up. She is ready to die, but even though I have problems with her I don't want to lose her, she is only 69. The husband came home stinking drunk and started having a go at me, he started to cry upset our daughter and then he went out again, hate him sometimes. I keep everything to myself but just lashes out verbally, makes me feel inadequate, the kids get upset, they don't know how much I am hurting inside, I am sure they think I am the cause of his problems.

Oh, god what to do!!

Im so sorry

((((SCARS))))



You have such a huge amount of stress. I hope you can try to be good to yourself. I'm so sorry about your Mom.

(((((SCARS))))))

Last week he gave me all the spiel about what to do to keep "safe", call him, etc. This week my feelings have not changed much but I feel I am letting him down. After being in counselling for more than 2 years, I feel I would be letting him down by telling him these feelings. I worry that he might feel he cannot help and then it would be finished. I don't want that but I cannot help these feelings.

Well last night I sent him a text, he has not answered, sometimes I think he is just the Monday to Friday 9-5 type!!! I had stupid thoughts, not the first time, but not I am fearful that I have upset him and I am also feeling a little ashamed of the text I sent. In the session on Friday it was difficult and I left feeling like I cheated him almost playing with him, I did not like it. Then the alcohol got the better of me and the text was sent and now I am living with consequences of it.

I meet with "my man" on Friday and I will have to face the embarrassment of the text I sent, deep breath and all the rest, I go red at the drop of a hat!!!

My mother, after giving the "speech" decided to get slightly better and is now talking about going home. That is so much pressure for me. She cannot cope on her own and I am not mentally fit to deal with it I think. A friend says I should tell the hospice what is going on in my life so that they can then adapt the care package.

Ah what to do, can't tell the kids anything because there is nothing concrete to tell but I feel like I am blocking them out.

All this is feeding the ED and that is not good.