You bet! It’s what I’ve known all my life. It’s what most of us were taught. We live our life against a backdrop of chaos and turmoil and the negative beliefs generated by all of it. No matter what life or anyone else ever offers us we automatically see it through the defective filters we were given. But never forget that there is hope. There is something better and you do deserve it.

The fact that you are recognizing these beliefs you’ve had, these false perceptions of yourself and the world around you, means that you are learning that they are no longer working for you and you have the ability to change that.

Wynne,
That's a really familiar (and painful) list. I have felt all of them at some time or another and sometimes way too many of them at the same time. You go to therapy to break the power of lies like that. And JM is right, the awareness of those beliefs is a big part of dealing with them. You have to first know where you're standing to move away from it.

AG

Sometimes i feel like i'm being a bother.

Sometimes i feel lik i'm going crazy.

Sometimes i feel like i'm evil.

samy

Eh. I'm in a big enough pile of denial at the moment that I go back and forth even being able to acknowledge that I think this way about myself, and that it explains how I treat myself.

So yeah, not only do I deny the whole 'traumatic childhood' bit most of the time, I even suggest that the way I treat and think about _myself_ "isn't that bad" ("well at least I don't...")

Sorry to have just dropped those lines right out there. I'm glad ya'll told me that it's a familiar list, even if it doesn't "feel" familiar most of the times when I read it again.

My T often reminds me that I tend to treat myself the way I was treated (or mistreated) during my childhood. This realization has really helped me be much gentler with myself lately.

Samy,

“Sometimes” I feel that way too, I really do. At least I hope you know that you are not alone in your feelings Samy. I used to feel like I was the only one in the universe singled out to feel this way, but it helps to know that I am not as alone as I feel “sometimes.”

So here is my bridge:

Sometimes I feel all alone even when I am standing in a crowd of people or even in a room with close friends.

Sometimes I feel like I am standing still and the world is spinning without me.

Sometimes I feel that I am such a burden and that those close to me seek to get rid me.

Sometimes I feel that the world would be a better place without me no matter how much other people insist that isn’t true.

Sometimes I fear that after all this therapy that this is as good as it gets and that I will never heal completely. That I will always have this void, this burning pit just beneath the surface of anything good I find.

Sometimes I feel so tormented by my emotions I fear that it is obvious to others so they stand back astonished and afraid knowing that something is wrong, but not knowing what to do for me.

I used to feel this way “all of the time” now it is only sometimes.

Sometimes these feelings seem more distant than other times and then I feel they are becoming more temporary and the newer positive feelings are becoming more a part of me and who I really am.

Sometimes it feels like such a long and arduous journey.

sometimes i close me eyes and feel the rainbow energy around me.

sometimes i close me eyes and feel the butterfly angels flying by.

sometimes i think 'wow! good job samy'

sometimes i think 'people do like me!'

sometimes, not all the time.

samy