I had my session with my T today. I mentioned before, that I have been writing my thoughts and feelings and mailing them to her before my session so she would know it and I wouldn't have to bring it up (she could). Well, this week was one of my best weeks in a long time, and I was able to overcome something that would have usually sent me into a downward spiral. It took some work, but I was able to soothe myself and not let the situation get the best of me. Progress!!!!

I decided that this week I would still write down my feelings, but instead of sending them to my T, I would try to read them to her in session. When I wrote it all, I was very honest about what was going on, and I said some pretty deep stuff about my feelings for her. Whew! I was shaking when I went in there, but I knew I would be mad at myself if I didn't follow through. She was so attentive and really listened with her whole being. It was hard to get through and she even sighed very compassionately when I read some stuff about her. When I was done, I finally looked up at her. She had such an all-encompassing, loving, peaceful look on her face. The feelings of acceptance were so amazing! She then went on to validate everything that I had said and she was so happy that I was believing that she would not leave me. She also said that she had tears in her eyes when I was reading it.

I actually walked out of there smiling and LAUGHING! I don't ever remember doing that! I'm pretty much in a cloud right now. I can't believe what I am feeling in my whole body. I want to hang on to this forever, or at least remember that I can do it when the dark clouds come. Two years of very hard work has just given me the most wonderful gift. It really is worth it all. Hope you guys remind me of this when I start belly-aching again.

PL