Echo

Vicarious trauma is a new term for me, I really hope this does not happen. The following is what I have found (in your opinion is this correct)? Vicarious trauma happens because you care – because you empathize with people who are hurting. Empathy is the ability to identify with another person, to understand and feel another person’s pain and joy.

Did your T tell she had this 'throw back' of vicarious trama when you talked to her? How did you both handle it? I think you are now with a new T ... am I right? I tried a new T and it just did not work (I had not talk to old T about how upset I was), new T was nice and really tried, but I was not comfortable with her (I felt sorry for her listening to my "pitty party") the needed chemistry was just not there between us.

Oh yeah, embarrassment and shame! (I'm so looking forward to this ... NOT) I hate to hear you are still in the grief stage. I know the relief will be awesome ... but how I dread the embarrassment, shame and grief (the grief most of all).

Right now I do not know when I have my appt., but I ask for two sessions back to back ...someone is to get back to me within the hour!

I am thankful I have someone that has been there to talk to. (thanks so much)

I will update as to when I have appt., then go from there.

kansas

(((((KANSAS)))))

I recently told my T that when he shows back up to work with a wedding ring on, it will devastate me and that I'd rather leave now and move on with my life than face that day.

I was okay during the session but afterward had a huge backlash and wasn't sure I'd ever be able to go back in to face him.

It was hard. I had to contact him by phone first to make sure he still wanted me back before I actually got in there.

But he's been very accepting of my feelings and doesn't look at me with disgust and that helps A LOT!!!!

It will get easier each time you go back and see and feel that she accepts you just the way you are.

It's very brave of you to face this. Lots of people would run.

Keep us posted.

From Judith Herman's book:

"Therapists working with survivors of the Nazi Holocaust report being 'engulfed by anguish' or 'sinking into despair'. Unless the therapist has adequate support to bear this grief, she will not be able to fulfill her promise to bear witness and will withdraw emotionally from the therapeutic allicance. (((((ECHO))))))

Judith continues .... The psychiatrist Richard Mollica describes how the staff of his Indochinese Refugee Clinic nearly succumbed to the pateints' despair: 'During the first year, the major task of treatment was to cope with the hopeflessness of our patients. We learned that the hopeless feelings were extremely contagious.' The situation improved as the staff realized that they were becoming overwhelmed by the patients stories. ... As our own experience deepened, a natural sense of humor and affetion began to devlop between ourselves nand our patents. The funereal atmosphere was finally broken - not only after we witnessed that some of our patents had improved, but also after the staff recognized that some of our patients were infecting us with their hopelessness."

Hope this helps.

Good luck

Liese

Liese

Thanks for telling me more details about seeing your T and what you were able to tell him (you are so brave). I'm so unsure of the outcome ... I have no expectations just anxiety.

I liked the quotes and will keep them in mind as we progress or unravel.

T office said I would hear from them (about an appointment) within the hour ... well, it has been over 2 hours. And they want my trust (venting )??????????

kansas

I have still not heard from T and a bit confused as it has been 6 hours, but I will give T the benefit if the doubt (she may have had to rearrange schedule), T is only at my location on Tuesdays.

I am concerned about upsetting T because she is not in the best of health and I do not want her sick because of me. She works with abused women, so she's a strong lady (strong mind)...but tiny in size (still would not want her pissed at me) bet she can bite!lol

I'm sending lots of

kansas

Echo,

Thanks for all the info., I'm really dreading the grieving process!

Guess I just need to get to 1st appointment and spill my guts. I hope T can walk me through the attachment or transference (which ever it is), or find someone who deals with this if T cannot help.

It took a lot for me to make contact with T again. The waiting is


kansas

v

((((KANSAS)))))

It was brave of you to make contact. You are so strong. I hope someone called by now.

xoxoxo

Liese

Hi Liese and Muff,

Well, I guess I will be working through this myself as I have not heard from T.

I text and ask her if I could come back, T said "yes". T said to call receptionist, I did, receptionist said they would get back with in the hour NOT ... it has been almost 24 hours. If there was a problem I just needed a text, email or call not silence.

Either T has changed mind (does not want to see me)or T and receptionist are not putting their info. together and I'm the one left feeling like crap!

kansas

Call the receptionist. She probably forgot. You deserve a straight answer one way or another.

I sent an email to office and T, because I did not want to talk to the recording on the phone.

Three hours later and I've not heard a thing.

How can I need T to walk me through this and be so pissed? T was part of the cause and should help but...

I do not want to see 3rd T, I'm tired fighting the system.

kansas



kansas

(((((KANSAS))))))

I'm so sorry she hasn't responded. I hope she does soon.

xoxoxoxo

Liese

I have an appointment with old T this coming Tuesday! Finally!!!!

kansas

I hope it goes well...

Thanks BB,

I'm not looking forward to this appt.

I've woke up twice with panic attack.

kansas

(((((KANSAS)))))

Good luck. The hardest part will be getting there and walking in the door. She's a T. She gets why we do things. She's there to help.

Good luck.

Liese

Liese,

I feel ex-T is the only one that can walk me through this BUT when I felt the transference/attachment was happening many months ago and told T, she did not deal with it.

I'm worried I'll go in mad or not say what I mean or mean what I say and T is human and can be hurt. I can be harsh (with words) when I'm upset. I want to keep this business and get help but...

kansas

((((KANSAS)))))
What is her orientation? It is my own personal experience that transference issues will not and do not go away if they are ignored. Maybe you need to start with that, that you felt she ignored it and you think it should be addressed?

IDK.

Good luck,

Liese

Liese,
I think ignoring whatever my problem is will only make the issues more pronounced. So, I agree with you.

I do not know what you mean by "what is her orientation?" T is straight .

kansas

(((((KANSAS)))))

That's not what I meant. I meant what is her theoretical orientation? Is she a CBT? Psychodynamic? Etc.

Liese,

Couple's therapy was reason DH & I went to therapy, T used CBT.

I made the decision to go into individual therapy. I think in individual therapy T used many different techniques. T told me once she had used 5 different approaches to get me to talk during a session and I had dug in my heels, only the last ten minutes did I "get it" and start talking. I think T used verbalizing thoughts, including free associations. Dreams and fantasies were not used, T used her knowledge to help me clarifying my use of defenses, wishes and guilt.

kansas

(((((KANSAS)))))

Hope it went okay today.

xoxo

Liese

Liese,

After a long session I feel better. T is a bit wiser about what I have been going through. I told T how hurt I was.

T will now help me understand why I felt and still feel the way I do.

I'm still processing everthing we talked about. I'll pop up with some questions before I see T again. Be on "ALERT" for questions!

s

kansas

(((((KANSAS))))))

So glad you went and everything turned out okay.



Liese