Just my insecurity talking, but I would let well enough alone. Much good has happened so far, by the sounds of it. What if she refused, or just didn't answer? All that encouragement feeling would go down the drain. I'm just speaking from my own inner kid who is scared silly to try anything extra. Maybe I'm wrong, tho.

thanks ksylynx - i didnt go ahead - i think when i posted i was all excited at the initial idea but hadn't thought it through much ….

in the end i was in the mall and bought myself a long necklace with a 1 inch bubble thing attached to the end… it's blue and purply with pink and white flowers in it - i got it to remind me of my T over the weekend - its very close to the colour of her car,. and the flowers i think express her femininity.

im also going to borrow one of your awesome ideas for the weekend (hope that's ok… ) - whenever the tape plays in my head of my mothers death and the days up to and following it i will imagine my T being there with me and imagine how different it would have been if she had been there back then.

i will work on talking to my T about having eh piece of paper with her name on it. our very first session she wrote our next app on it with her name and i kept it form months (until it disintegrated) … i do get a card with her name typed on it for our app, but its a generic card used by all the people at her work and its printed off by the secretary, so its not really the same.

when i was strongly considering going inpatient for my anorexia last year (over xmas break of course, - when my T was going to be away - and i would really benefit form her being around - sigh) i asked her to write something down she said so i could take it away with me - and she did that. it wasn't really what she said, and she had forgotten, but wanted to make it right, she wanted me to check it was what i thought she had said, but i was too embarrassed to do that… all i wanted really was her permission i guess, and her handwriting …..

i guess i 'could' ask her to write something down she says again, just to get her handwriting, but i know that's not really honest, and i think i am getting to a place where i really could talk to her more directly about it ..

but you're eight - best to raise it when I'm NOT so vulnerable ..

I'm just going to imagine her in my mind instead. and imagine she is thinking of me this weekend, and imagine she is supporting me form afar … sucks i don't get to talk to her during the week, in-between apps, but i am lucky that i can email. definitely not the same, but i'll take anything, and it IS better than nothing!

I really like what you said about imagining your therapist with you when traumatic things happened in your past. I think it would help a lot to imagine T defending you and putting things straight in your behalf.