For the past month or so, I've noticed my T has been starting my sessions later and later. She has always run a tight ship wherein sessions start on the hour and a soft bell chimes at the 45 minute mark to signal the end of session. In the years I have seen her, I have respected the schedule except for one dark spell where I was finding it difficult to get to my sessions a bit early and I was showing up right on the hour - technically not late but rushing in. She said something to me about that, something along the lines of my tardiness being a reflection on how I was feeling about therapy and I immediately went back to showing up 15 minutes prior to session. As I said, in the past month or so, she will stay in session with the client before me (if there is one) up to the hour mark -- which means the chime went off 15 minutes prior and the session has continued on. At one of my recent sessions, her secretary knocked on the door I guess to alert her that she was going over time. That meant my session started 10 minutes late. In my last session, she was not there when I arrived but her secretary was so I was able to sit in the waiting room. T came in about 5 minutes before the hour, did not greet me as is her usual and continued to her desk taking care of business matters. I heard her secretary whisper to her that it was 5 minutes after the hour...and still I waited another 5 minutes, so again starting my session at 10 minutes past the hour. I've been watching to see if she will make up the time at the end of the session but she does not which means my sessions are about 35 minutes now instead of the 45-minute "hour" they are supposed to be.
My thought is that my therapist is BORED with me. We've done some pretty heavy duty work over the past few months but have sort of hit a spot, as we do now and then, where it's almost painfully awkward in sessions and things are just reduced to small chit chat.
Internally, I feel like there is more work to be done but...I don't know...I guess I'm hoping she will draw it out of me because I'm not really sure *what* it is that needs to be drawn out -- if that makes any sense.
In my early days with T, she once made the comment that she had some clients who bored her to tears. I can't help but believe I have reached that point with her. I don't want to terminate...I'm not really ready to terminate, however, I have begun to feel that the manner in which T is handling time management with the start of my sessions, she is almost inviting me to terminate. I'm afraid to bring it up. I'm afraid of what she might say. I'm really not sure what to do about this.
