As I wrote in another post my Therapist and I have parted ways. Therapy has allowed my emotions to move from feeling shamed, rejected, and abandoned to just not feeling one way or another. That said I do appreciated the assistance and support she provided to process the some important negative life experiences.
So now the issue list is shorter, "not short or insignificant emotionally if I get stuck thinking about it. At the moment these issues are not twisting me inside and out everyday. They periodically weekly, monthly arise but It is not like the crisis experiences that drove me into therapy with the last two therapists.
So not that I have overcome the negative experience of how Therapy ended I ask myself what is it I tell a new therapist. I know me. The more I journal or start thinking about a feeling or event I start experiencing the feelings connected to the feeling. Journaling for me frequantly turns into ruminating on paper and it just gets me worked up as I sometimes start spiraling emotionally.
So again what is it that I say to this therapist. I can talk about being sexually abused and abandoned matterafactly. It is perceived as a flat affect. I do not feel that pressure to see a therapist but I do cycle into depression and self loathing and then back to nothing.
So I am trying to decide what it is I would talk about to a new T. Will the Transference spin out of control and get abandoned all over again. Transference was either not discussed/ignored even when I described how I felt. The alternative was from my perception was I should not be feeling the feelings I was having. I interpreted that as me being wrong and being abandoned. My perceptions when those experiences were going on may not have been based in T's reality but were central to my abandonment. I know my next T has to address the Transference and what is going on instead of treating it as Therapy inter-fearing Behavior to be suppressed.
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