I started with this T in January of this year. At first I did not understand how she worked. I have been angry with her for some time but stuck with her because I felt she had something different to offer me than other Ts I have seen. Plus I can tell she is very dedicated to her clients and working with me. She and I have been going through a lot of drama since I started with her. In short I ended up in the hospital twice since I started seeing her. I was taken in by the police of all things. I have not been in the hospital for at least 12 years or more prior to that. It's been a rough ride to say the least.

Anyway even though it is painful I am starting to understand the nature of our relationship. I do miss her in between our weekly, 50 minute sessions and often I want to call or email her. I used to email her a lot and this bothered her. I went back on my medications and because of that I am able to control myself more that way and have not been emailing her as much and also have been calling her less too. This doesn't mean that I don't miss her etc. I feel more secure in my relationship with her and I see now that she is there to help me figure out how to improve my life. Believe me there is a lot of room for improvement. She is a trained DBT therapist and though I resisted it at first I am now committed to doing DBT for the next year at least. Started a skills group with a couple of members of her consultation team. I was scared to meet them but they have been extraordinarily nice to me.

I feel like I am in a place now where I can get the help I have wanted and needed for so long. I can look at the transference with some perspective and understand that these intense painful feelings of longing are really about my past and in some ways my future. I say they are about my future because I long to improve my life by gaining relationships with people who I want to be around.

Thanks for reading this.