Hello to all out there. I am sorry that I haven't been around. I think I'm just starting to come out of my lost place. I feel like I've been asleep for a long time and just waking up.

Nothing has really changed in my life. I still feel the same way but with a little bit of a lighter feel. It's almost like I really don't care what happens. I get up, go to work, come home, go to 2nd work, come home and go to bed. The next day - same thing. Now I suppose that I should be happy that I have a job where I am well liked, and respected for the job I do. I have a job. I don't even mind my 2nd job that much - but it's work. Things are the same with my partner - we just basically co-exist as friends. There is no real romance or anything intimate at all. I guess at this point she is just so fed up with me and my "problems" that she just doesn't care that much anymore.
I'm kind of numb and maybe it's better that way too. I don't have to deal with anything. I went to see T yesterday for the first time since my e-mail to her. about 3 weeks. I didn't talk about anything I said in the e-mail. She tried to bring it up and I basically cut her off each time with something else. I didn't want to talk about that stuff. I'm not sure I ever want to talk about it again. I think I'm done with talking about anything with my past. It isn't helping me and it just makes me feel more like crap. So I think I'm going to just stay numb and go through my days that I have. I have been stressing too much, my bp is way out of control, and now they want me to go for all these tests. I hate doctors and I hate doctors tests!
Anyway, I'm trying to just survive right now and this is the only way I know how to - numb.

Smiley