Hi Elsewhere ... I'm only new to the forum, so probably don't have the words of wisdom you need right now, but I wanted to say I read your post and emphasise how incredibly tough it must be. You're coping a lot better than I would in the same situation.

My old T broke her leg and was off work for 3 months, and I didn't know how long she would be off or when she was back. It started off that she would be back in a few weeks (had surgery), but then kept extending, and no one knew when or how long it would be til she was back (she had complications with surgery and recovery). I coped ok for a while, but towards the end I started falling apart big time. I felt angry she hadn't thought to offer me to see a colleague of hers; how dare she just leave me to flounder with no thought to how I might cope (or not)!

I ended up seeing a colleague of hers. It helped, as I was able to voice how I felt, and got to talk about being without my T.

Is there a reason you can't see someone else in the interim???? Is the someone else you can see, or is it that you'd feel 'disloyal' if you saw someone else (I felt that way too which is why I didn't ask to see someone for ages and ages).

When was your Ts baby due (has she had it yet?), depending on what complications she is having, she might be off on maternity leave longer than planned. Not saying that to freak you out more, I just know that is what can happen sometimes (especially if the baby had to be born premature and spends months in NICU).

Thanks Eliza, for reaching out. Did you ever get back to your old T? And were you able to pick up your therapy with her? Did you get over your feelings of abandonment or did you stay with your new T.
My T announced her pregnancy early March and said we would sort something out for me during her absence. Only the day after that she got complications. She carried twins and one of them died and was born stillborn. Now she has to keep complete rest, hoping to save the other. She is about 27 weeks now (I think) and I've been told she won't be back at least until Jan.
Right now I couldn't cope with any real therapy, am all over the place. Plus I don't think I will ever find the courage to start all this again. My T works at a 'outpatient facility' (don't know the English word for it), but due to cutbacks, there are very few (in fact none) therapist available for me anyway. My psychiatrist works at the same place and he promised to find some kind of support for me, as he can only offer a very limited amount of time, but I don't know when he will find someone.
So, it's not feelings of loyalty that are in the way. It just took me so much to start trusting her, I made her 'promise' she wouldn't move away or take another job... and then this happened.
Thank you for your reply, excuse my English (am from Holland and not thinking too clearly right now ). I'd love to hear how you got over your crisis and how you are now.
love
Elsewhere

quote:

I guess I'm worried about you because what you're describing sounds very much like me when I'm getting way more depressed then I realise I am. Have you been able to tell your P about spending days crying and feeling sealed off?

Thanks Pengs! I did tell my P last time I saw him, but I know I always make a better impression than I'm actually feeling inside. I did tell him that as well and told him I started taking to my bed during the daytime (with a sleeping pill), just to get a few hours over and done with. He's sympathetic, but there's only so much he can do.
You felt right, I am closing off, and I'm even a tiny bit worried about it myself But taking this step, contacting this forum, does help. It's a step I am able to take, plus I know I'll find people that understand. So thanks Pengs, it helps!

I did keep seeing my T when she came back (only after a week or two and a couple of appointments with my old T).

I think I processed it with her - I was able to tell her I was hurt (and mad!), but I think it was ok mainly cos I hadn't let myself feel too attached to her.

I stopped seeing her almost a year later - we had done as much as we could together. It was easy leaving - wasn't formal; just said I was having a break (while I started with another T for what initially planned for CBT). I needed space to realise I didn't want or need to go back to see her. I've left it like that really, and thankfully she hasn't chased me up.

I went to see the 2nd T for CBT but it became obvious she was going to be able to help me much more if I did my trauma work with her instead.

I really hope you can see someone else - what if you planned to see someone just to debrief and help you work through your feelings for your current T, the abandonment, loss of trust, etc? You wouldn't necessarily have to 'start over' and plan to tLk or use them to help you with the same issues your saw your current T for. You could always plan to see your current T when she returns - yes, it might be you have moved on when that time comes but you could still see her for a few sessions to tie off unfinished business - OR continue on seeing her of course.

It ought be ok for you, but personally I could NOT be without therapy of some kind for months and months. My PTSD and depression would be seriously affected to the point I don't know if I'd survive it to be honest.

Where your T works - do they not have a fill in system or so e sort of contingency plan for when Ts get sick or have to stop work unexpectedly???? You def won't be the only client going through this awful pain - surely an entire caseload of clients, vulnerable ones, can be just 'left'????

Please do consider seeing someone else - if only for a few sessions to talk about the pain and feelings you're currently going through due to your T being away.

Hi Elsewhere....My heart goes out to you. I would have a very hard time with what you are dealing with. I hope you find some peace on this forum.

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I know you've placed masses of trust in your T and this has happened and turned it all upside down, but if your P finds anyone in the interim, will you consider it?

I will, Pengs. Coming Tuesday I will hear if he found someone and when he or she will be available. Am also preparing for a ´sorry, there is no one´, because the cutbacks at this place (and all over Holland) are really bad - never thought I would experience it at a time like this though.
Thank you for understanding what shutting down really means and feels like.

quote:

Originally posted by Veryhopeful:
Hi Elsewhere....My heart goes out to you. I would have a very hard time with what you are dealing with. I hope you find some peace on this forum.

Thanks Veryhopeful, I will come back again and again to this place, even ifonly to read your name (alias).