yeah, i thought as much ...

You deserve better than him CD. Shop around and find a special. They do exist.


"Close some doors not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere." ~ Paolo Coelho

nice quote

Yeah I've seen it around.

CD.

It makes a huge difference.

I know my T likes me, gives a flying F*ck about me and she cares whether I continue T or not.

I have all these things in a great T. We have a great relationship and it is very special. It matters and it helps reduce the pain of therapy.

Yet I still suffer incredibly with therapy. I don't know - maybe knowing that my T really does care makes the effort worthwhile?? Maybe that is the difference. Maybe it means that I know that she SEES me. maybe knowing that she is genuine and genuinely on the journey with me keeps me alive?

This work is hard enough without feeling the way you do. I agree - shop around. If your current T won't or can't be a "good enough" version of what you want or need - then ditch them and find one who will.

Somedays

you guys, your caring is so special and sweet. truly. i sent T an email almost verbatim of my other post "why therapy is a mind-f*ck". i will keep you all posted on his response (if i think it is appropriate). suffice it to say, i really appreciate you folks, you have no idea.

((CD)) I agree. I think the relationship is so important. CD, you are important and deserve a T who cares deeply about you. Of course, there will always be transference and the potential for ruptures...but truly, the relationship in therapy shouldn't be so confusing. There are great Ts out there who will show you warmth and caring. Even though I question whether my T really truly cares about me, I can't ignore that I feel, deep in my bones, that she is so accepting of me and does really care. There are so many others on this board who have that in their Ts. It's worth searching for someone who you feel that connection with. It is the relationship that ultimately heals. And as Somedays said so wisely, why make the work in therapy any harder than it already is by doubting whether your T actually thinks positively of you? You so deserve a good therapeutic relationship where you feel held more than you do not. Hugs to you.

CD, I agree with what everyone has said. I have doubts sometimes about the caring but that is just my silly hangup and I know she cares. Sometimes it is scary to let them care for us. Mine has stuck with me while I have given her a really difficult time. I am not easy. After years and years of working together we are getting to where I have been so reluctant to go. She told me last week, "now we are finally getting somewhere." She could have quit on me a long time ago and she didn't. I feel very lucky and I respect her more than anybody in my entire life. I hope you find the same.

Muff, I really liked the quote as well.

During my session this last week my T told me that the relationship we have is a byproduct of therapy. Those were not her exact words but I think that's pretty much what she meant. It sort of hurts to me be honest with you.

I saw a T for 16 years. She retired. I thought I was going to die. We have no contact 5 years later. This has made me leery of getting connected with any other Ts in general. The one I see now has goals and plans etc. I do find that to be more promising. The other T that I saw for so long seemed more like support than therapy. She tried to help me but I don't think we really got very far. This new one upsets me a lot but perhaps that is a sign that we are moving forward.

quote:

is it too much to ask that i at least get the feeling that my T likes me or gives a flying f*ck about me, or cares whether i continue or not?

((CD)) No, not too much to ask, and if that's what you need, then that's what you need, and tell him that straight up.

FWIW, I think the paradox of therapy is a bit of mind f*ck in and of itself, but you should at the very least have a solid connection with your T.

thanks for your support again, folks. i'm not going to reply individually as i'm just going to lay low. just wanted to thank you for your insightful replies.

((CD))